Midnight Sun continued
by Ren68
Summary: I began this story exactly where Stephanie Meyer left off in Midnight Sun. It begins halfway through Chapter 12. If you like Twilight I would ask you to try this story. Leaving a review would also be appreciated.
1. Chapter 12 Complications

All characters and story lines belong to Stephanie Meyer. There is no copy right infringement intended here.

CHAPTER 12 -COMPLICATIONS

"Ask the questions." Tomorrow, when we were in a safer place, surrounded by witnesses, I would get my own answers. I grinned at the thought, and then I turned away because she made no effort to move or leave. Even with her outside of the car, the echo of the electricity zinged in the air. I wanted to get out, too, to walk her to her door as an excuse to stay beside her…

No more mistakes. I hit the gas, and then sighed as she disappeared behind me. It seemed like I was always running toward Bella or running away from her, never staying in place. I would have to find some way to hold my ground if we were ever going to have any peace. Watching her disappear I realized how soon I would see her, giving me a certain degree of peace.

Leaving to face Rosalie, she seemed the most disturbed with what was going on. Remaining opposed to Bella, defusing the situation would be difficult. Some how I would assure her that this relationship would be acceptable. Attempting to think of what I might say, while I drove home, I could only think of what happened in Biology class.

The electricity that hummed between us was pleasantly appealing. I in no way expected this. This was all new to me. I'm not certain I have enough strength to leave now, if necessary.

When I arrived home everyone was present. All cars were in the garage, and I was nervous about entering the house.

This was a strange feeling, I'd never been anxious at home. It's always been the one place I could be myself, but now, I felt like a criminal, like the murderer I was capable of becoming.

I was failing my family.

It was disturbing to me, but thinking of leaving Bella disturbed me even more.

Approaching the front door I heard all conversations.

Esme and Alice were on my side. Alice assumed that her and Bella would be best friends and Esme just empathized. Alice had seen my monstrous side, what could happen if I lost control. The violence I could inflict if I allowed the monster out.

How could she be on my side? Why was she not against this?

Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie were all for preventing what was occurring before it was too late. Their ideas rolled around in my head making me annoyed.

I felt like a newborn, like they thought I had no control.

How could they not trust me? After all these years, did they not know me at all? Besides this had already been settled.

The conflicting thoughts were agonizing, I could emphasize with both angles. If it weren't me I would agree with Rose, Emmett and Jasper. Persuading them to leave before it was too late. Experimenting with someone's life at risk would never be an option.

So why was it I couldn't convince myself to do that? Leave and never return. What compelled me to stay?

Walking in, all conversation ceased, and all eyes were on me. Thoughts were soaring; I couldn't keep up with them.

"I know what you are all thinking." I said.

_I'm sorry Edward! I tried to explain._ Alice speaking silently.

"Thank you, but I can speak for myself." I replied. "I know all of your questions and I apologize I have no answers for you. I know my responsibilities and would not put Bella or any of you in danger." I pleaded.

"We know that Edward, were just worried about you!" Esme said.

"We're also concerned about ourselves, how this will effect us?" Rosalie demanded. "You have no idea what this can bring to us as a family! The implications that a relationship like this can possess, to both Bella and us!" she added. "You can't protect her or us from all that can happen. What are you thinking?" she scolded.

"Rose please! I beg you to try and understand. I'm in control and I'm being very careful, I promise. Can you just leave it at that? Can you trust me to do the appropriate thing?" I begged.

The room went silent, both externally and internally. What could they say?

With nothing else to say, at that moment, I turned and went up the stairs to my room.

The opinions in the house remained silent. Nobody reflected on anything, which was remarkable, so perhaps I had convinced them.

Convincing them of what exactly?

That I wouldn't kill the girl, or that if I did, it was acceptable? How could they give up so easily? Of all people they know what I was capable of. Carlisle was the only one who expressed his opinion.

_I know you will always do the right thing Edward. I love you and trust you. _Carlisle thought.

"I know that, but thanks for saying it anyway." I whispered, assured he would hear me.

How could I betray that trust?

Carlisle was the one person who understood me. Always stood by me no matter what I'd done. Undeserving of his trust, I allowed the monster to surface so easily. His words overthrew my brain, _almost_ ending my conflict.

Almost.

The silence in the house was unbearable. Needing an escape, I could no longer endure it.

My need to be near her overpowered everything else –I hated to be away for so long. Anything could happen to her if I'm not there. She needed protecting.

Arriving outside Bella's house I remained in the forest out of sight. Yes, this was so much better than my house, putting myself in the path of temptation. What was I thinking? How could I be here? Simply put I couldn't resist.

Charlie was watching TV. His thoughts were mostly on the game he was watching and the day he had at work. He did wonder why Bella was always home instead of going out with friends. Maybe she was having trouble making friends?

Wasn't that the truth, if he only knew the type of friends she was making?

Turning my attention to Bella's room.

Bella turned out her light.

I listened intently for my moment, waiting for her to fall asleep. When her breathing became heavier I scaled the wall to her window, like a ghost. Pushing through the window I crossed her room and took my customary seat in her rocking chair.

Tonight she seemed extremely restless, tossing and turning. Concealing myself a few times as she stirred herself awake. Almost catching me, she opened her eyes and looked at me, but I moved so swiftly, she thought she was dreaming.

Why was she so restless? What made her toss and turn? She typically slept better than this. Perhaps I had been wrong… revealing everything I had… it probably repulsed her more than she was letting on... Would I blame her? How could I… after all I was a monster. I'm certain I could give anyone nightmares.

Perhaps the others were right. Maybe I should just leave her alone.

Was this too much for her? Wouldn't this be too much for anyone? How could I think that she could accept me? Who was I to let her accept me? Was this really me, or the monster in me hoping for my mistakes?

No! It couldn't be the monster... I wouldn't allow it. It was me who wished to be here. It was me who desired her company. But her company was not all that I craved and I could never forget that.

What would I do with her? What would I ask of her?

All of these thoughts were so unsettling. How could one mind be so torn?

I desired for her to know everything… everything about me. I wished to take her everywhere… everywhere I had been.

But would this be enough to satisfy me? To just be near her to have her close to me, would that be enough?

And what about her? What would this do to her? Would the little bit of closeness we could have be enough for her? Wasn't she supposed to attend to college, get married and have children? None of this was possible with me. This would be very unfair of me to attempt to do this to her. Did I have the right? How could I even think about being this selfish?

Morning was breaking and I would have to depart in a little while.

I desired for knowledge… to know what she dreamt of.

It was very frustrating not hearing her thoughts. I couldn't get any answers to the million questions I had. Asking her outright would terrify her, these questions were to revealing on my part, and it was too soon for that.

I remained staring at her remarkable face so full of beauty and peace while she slept. I could spend every night till the end of eternity watching her sleep.

_That was so nice Edward, do it again! _She mumbled.

I've never been frightened before, but I was at this moment. What was so nice? Do what again? If this was not a nightmare, what was she dreaming of? Racing through all of the conversations we've had thus far not being able to associate this statement with any.

Oh… this is so frustrating. My gift has always been somewhat of a burden, but not having it anymore: I realize how much I depend on it. I miss it! How it would help me at this moment.

Silently watching her, when it was time to go, I desired to stay. I loathed leaving her alone; instinctively I needed to remain to protect her. But really, she only needed protecting from me. Being the greatest danger Bella would ever face, I was her predator, stalking her every move.

Ducking out the window, I ran home. Changing into fresh clothes, I got my car, I had to be back in time, not wanting to miss her.

Pulling up in her driveway, she staggered out the front door. She was wearing a more appealing shirt today, rather than that hideous sweater from the other day. Today her top clung to her like a second coat of skin, but unlike the appealing blue blouse, this one was white, not a very flattering color for her. I could tell under her coat that this top revealed too much, snug against her, showing every curve, every line… but I shouldn't be focused on that. She walked up to the car smiling and opened the door. How natural this seemed.

"Good morning." I said awkwardly, being mere minutes since seeing her last. "How are you today?" already knowing the answer.

"Good, thank you." she said shyly smiling.

Desiring to know what she was thinking. I observed the circles under eyes recognizing why they were there. "You look tired." I said.

"I couldn't sleep," she confessed, confirming what I already knew.

Teasing her slightly. "Neither could I."

She laughed. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager that," again, acknowledging she had little sleep.

"So what did you do last night?" she asked.

I laughed wondering what she would think if she knew. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

Saving myself from revealing the truth, I was not ready to unleash this information on her. Being certain it was way too early to reveal this detail to her. Knowing it would have to be uncovered soon or later… I also knew this was not the time.

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know? She answered.

_Everything, Anything, your whole life! That's all!_ With a serious face I asked, "What's your favorite color?" the first question that popped into my head that wouldn't terrify her.

Rolling her eyes. "It changes from day to day." Here she was being very cryptic again. Why would she refuse to answer the simplest questions, this would really reveal nothing.

"What's your favorite color today?"

"Probably brown." She answered.

"Brown?" What a strange answerer.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's suppose to be brown- tree trunks, rocks, dirt- is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she complained.

"You're right," I decided. "Brown is warm." Every impulse moved my hand to her hair, sweeping it back over her shoulder. I needed to see her face. But that was not enough and my hand moved again without my permission, moving to touch her yet again.

_Enough._

I commanded and pulled my hand back. No mistakes.

Arriving at school I pulled into a parking spot. "What music is in you CD player right now?" Inquiring, I truly wanted to know. I'd been desperate to sneak a peak at her collection, but afraid to get that close to her, and here I sit closer than ever.

"Debussy." she answered after a moment.

Offering a little smile I then reached for my CD player, pulling one of the CD's out I handed it to her. Amazing she likes the same music, even with an Eighty-year difference between us.

For the rest of the day I asked as many questions as I could muster. I wanted… no needed… to know everything about her. Movies she liked and disliked, books she's read. Where she had been and where she'd like to go? I've never been quite so curious about someone in my whole existence. Having a million questions they never seemed to end.

She answered effortlessly only blushing a few times. When I inquired about her favorite gemstone she said topaz and then turned scarlet red.

Why would she do that? I insisted on knowing why she was so embarrassed? It was just a gemstone what could possibly be embarrassing about that?

She wouldn't answer without some coaxing.

"Tell me," I commanded.

"It's the color of your eyes today," she said, "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx." turning bright red now.

I was astonished deciding to end this swiftly. "What kind of flowers do you prefer?" I fired off.

Keeping up the questioning up, until Mr. Banner entered the room dragging the ancient VCR and TV with him, again.

Needing to move away from her this time, hopefully without her noticing.

I couldn't be that close to her. No mistakes.

Mr. Banner turned out the lights again.

All the similar feelings as yesterday returned.

The sudden jolt of electricity when she looked at me. My hand moving toward her without my permission as it had in the car. The burn ripped through my throat and the venom was flowing in my mouth.

Wanting to touch her, to put my hand on her face. Feeling the heat of her skin against my body, enveloping me, swarming around. My hand moved, reaching for her in this darkness, which wasn't dark to me.

_Enough_

Pulling my hand back, placing my arms across my chest where they belonged.

Bella leaned forward folding her arms on the desk and putting down her chin.

Was she feeling the same as I? Is that why she was avoiding eye contact?

Attempting not to stare at her, the tension was already thick as a wall with this constant stream of electricity flowing between us.

My urges were screaming at me, wanting to run my fingers through her hair, down her back, feel the length of her body against mine…

_Enough_.

_Just watch this hideous movie. _I told myself.

This hour passed slowly again, but yet again, not slowly enough.

Extremely cautious of the conflicting feelings I was having, feeling entirely in control and entirely out of control. I was having difficulty distinguishing which feeling had more power… the love I felt for this girl… or the monster aching to escape.

Glancing at her from the corner of my eye, her head was still down on her folded arms and she was motionless.

_What are you thinking?_

Frustration returned, desperately seeking her thoughts.

Was this as confusing to her as it was to me? Was it as difficult for her sitting next to me through this darkness?

If only I could see her eyes, they may give me some indication of her secret thoughts. On the other hand, seeing her eyes might make this situation entirely worse.

The lights went on and I found myself glaring at her unsure. Unsure of how she felt. Did she feel everything I had? Was the mood as powerful to her as it was to me? She gave no indication either way.

Standing in silence, I gathered my books and waited for Bella.

Walking her to gym class in silence not knowing what to say. If I uttered my feelings to touch her, to feel her skin on mine, to have her that close to me, it might scare her and I couldn't tolerate that.

Arriving at the Gym, the urge was too great, unable to contain myself anymore I reached out with the back of my hand and touched her face, from her temple to her chin.

Quickly turning, I walked away.

How could I let this happen, again?

Resisting these urges became impossible after being in that classroom, again. With all that electricity zinging between us, it was just too overwhelming for me.

I'll have to miss the last part of that wretched movie tomorrow. Not allowing this to happen again –refusing to be this vulnerable again –not with Bella. My uncontrollable urges were too strong. Making certain we were never in this position, again.

As I arrived at Spanish class, Emmett was waiting for me.

_What's up with you, you look like the cat that ate the canary?_ Emmett pondered.

"Nothing, don't worry about it?" I answered.

_What's with you, you used to tell me stuff? _Emmett begged.

"I'm not sure. I don't know what's happening?" I confessed.

_Tell me, maybe I can help! _Emmett proclaimed.

"I made a enormous mistake today." I confessed.

_What did you do?_ Emmett curious. _Did you hurt her?_

"NO!" Angered at even the thought.

Perhaps that was closer to the truth, Emmett knew the monster. And, if the monster weren't bad enough, the end results would hurt her that was a certainty. There was no way this could last… allowing her to get too attached… this could only turn out badly.

_Well then, it can't be that bad. Tell me what you did? _Emmett reassured me.

"I touched her Emmett… How could I do that? I know better. There's no good that can come of this, yet I keep getting involved deeper and deeper. Maybe, I was right in the first place, perhaps I should just leave." I scrambled for words waiting for his reaction.

_Edward, would you just calm down. It's not that bad. _Emmett laughed.

How could he laugh? How could he be so calm?

He knows what's at risk here- our lifestyle- our happiness- everything we've built could be destroyed in a second. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that. I couldn't be.

_You have repressed your human side way to long man; it's about time it came out! I always wondered when that would happen. I was beginning to think it never would, that you buried it so deep, it couldn't possibly find its way out again._ Emmett laughed again.

"Stop laughing, this is not funny!" I shouted.

_Okay, okay. Listen! This is normal. This is how it is suppose to be. I'll admit I didn't think it would occur with a human, but since it did there's nothing you can do. _Emmett confessed.

"There has to be some way to correct this." I begged.

_It has been my experience that the wrong things are sometimes the best things. We can't help who we fall in love with. Just enjoy it while you can. Besides Alice has already told us!_ Emmett stopped.

"I already know what Alice thinks and that will not happen, I will not permit it. If I have to die to stop it… I will." I said growling.

_All right. No more talk of that. I didn't realize how sensitive you were about that subject. All I'm trying to say is quit worrying so much, Edward. You've always been the one who fears too much. Try to have a little fun._ Emmett responded anxious.

"I know… sure, thanks Emmett." I said apologetic.

Arriving in Spanish class, taking our regular seats we arranged our books.

Listening to the boy behind me, for a moment, he was filled with excitement over having asked Angela Weber to the dance, and having her say yes. This warmed my non-beating heart for a moment. Hearing the admiration he felt for her was all the thanks I needed.

Whispering to Emmett that our plan had worked, he smiled but said nothing.

Mrs. Geoff started class, while I pondered this so called relationship, or whatever this was, I was having with Bella.

Wondering how long I could let this go on? How much longer could I imagine this being good for either of us?

Deciding to take Emmett's advice, I wouldn't worry so much.

Giving some thought to spying on her in gym class again, I resisted knowing how angered she became yesterday.

It was difficult persuading my mind to other things, knowing I could see her so easily. But, then again, having to hear her through that vile Mike Newton's thoughts was something I couldn't endure.

Re-evaluating… what would I do with her? Most of my time was spent in ways that were improper for a girl such as Bella. Where could we go? It's not as if I could take her hunting, or running and most of our sports were out, she couldn't keep up. And how close would be too close? Could I simply hang out with her… or would I want more… would she? And, how much more would we desire? Could I touch her or would I desire more than that? How much more would be possible?

Nothing more would be possible. What was I thinking? Bella was far to fragile to even consider more than just being near her. Never touching her… putting her at risk… even just a little bit was too much.

Time passed much faster when spent thinking of Bella, and Mrs. Geoff dismissed the class.

Immediately rising from my seat, I made my way back to the gym. Leaning against the wall, I wondered if she would be pleased to see me.

When at last she appeared, glancing at me, she smiled. Affirming for me that she was glad to see me.

With a sigh of relief, I'd assume she wasn't repulsed by the coldness of my hand. Perhaps, this wasn't as horrendous as I imagined, maybe this could work out, after all.

With so many unanswered questions, my appetite was still insatiable, so the interrogation continued. Becoming familiar with absolutely everything about her was my mission.

Needing answers to so much, such as what she missed about home? Why she considered it so beautiful? Along with a thousand more question beyond those.

Speaking freely for hours, she answered many of my questions without hesitation. The ones I wasn't terrified to ask, of course.

Driving to her house again, we sat for several hours as my questions poured out.

Not wanting to surrender her, I heard Charlie on his way home, and knew it was time to leave.

The interrogation came to a halt.

"Are you finished?" she asked.

"Not even close- but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" she sounded surprised. "How late is it?" she wondered, looking at the clock on my dashboard.

"It's twilight," Answering I looked at the western horizon. "It's the safest time of day for us." Pausing, I looked back into her eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" Smiling wistfully.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She frowned. "Not that you see them here much."

Charlie was getting closer providing me with reason to leave, not that I wanted to. It was far too early to explain who I was, that would keep for another time.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" Raising my eyebrow.

"Thanks, but no thanks." Gathering her books. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" I was outraged. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?"

Oh there was so much more, I hadn't even scratched the surface of the million questions I'd had –and more were popping up every minute I spent with her.

"You'll find out tomorrow." Reaching across to pull the door handle for her, I froze.

"Not good," I murmured.

Damn. What was this? This had almost eluded my mind.

"What is it?" Surprising her.

Looking at her briefly, explaining this to her now was impossible. She's not ready to hear about this. "Another complication," I said glumly.

Flinging open the door, I moved swiftly away from her.

Seeing the headlights through the downpour, my body immediately went rigid –defense mode was automatic. Keeping my eyes forward, refusing to take them off the car in front of me. What was he doing here at this time? Whatever it was couldn't be good.

"Charlie's around the corner," I warned.

Frustrated and annoyed, I pressed the gas, revved the engine, squealing the tires I sped away from her house.

Confusing spread across her face as I drove out of view.

How could her father be a best friend of Billy Black?

The sheer irony of the situation would make it laughable, if I wasn't so infuriated. Of all people… why him?

As if this relationship –or what ever it was –wasn't strenuous enough without Billy Black and his tribe becoming involved. The treaty had been in place for years now, and had specific rules outlined in it. He had no right, being here under the circumstances he was. To warn Bella… to reveal what he knew about us… attempting to convince her to stay away from me.

And what of her father, Charlie, was he prepared to warn him, too?

That would put an end to our treaty immediately.

If this was his intention, there would be no turning back, ending our treaty would mean open war, and I'm positive no one would want that.

Driving out of view, I halted the car.

Being my job to ascertain what his intentions were here, I had to find out. How much information was he willing to share? If he told her… what would she think?

Running back through the forest I planted myself within hearing distance.


	2. Chapter 13

13. BALANCE

Bella and Jacob began making petty conversation.

Charlie and Billy went in the other room to watch a game. I listened to Billy's thoughts as he fought with himself about doing the right thing. He wanted desperately to tell his friend… to warn him… but he knew what was at stake. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Deciding it would be better to wait and watch, closely, to what was happening. He would not say anything for now, but he would remain watching the situation.

I resolved to go home and test the atmosphere there.

Entering the house Rosalie and Emmett were on the couch watching TV. She began muttering her typical rants at me; I disregarded her. She remained disturbed by Bella and I. Wishing there was a way to persuade her mind and settle the situation, there was no arguing with her, right now.

Alice and Jasper were busy on the computer.

Carlisle was in his office; he was always working.

As I passed Esme's room she summoned me.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm fine. Is everything around here okay?" I responded.

"Yes, but it's you I worry about. Are you going to be okay, Edward?" she pleaded.

"I think so, I'm not certain? I don't seem to be certain about anything anymore." I admitted. "Thanks for asking though?" I acknowledged.

"I think everything will work out for you, you deserve some happiness in your life and I can see she brings that to you." She said.

"Yes, but do I bring that to her?" Questioning as I walked to my room reluctant to hear the answer.

Entering my room I positioned myself on the couch and flipped on the stereo. Music always helped me think –or at least it –obscured everyone's thoughts.

Hearing Alice coming I appealed to her before she got to my door.

"Alice I'm trying to think," hoping she would turn around.

_I just need to speak to you for a minute._ She answered, and then came in.

"What is it?" I asked knowing the answer.

"You already know, why are you asking?" she pondered.

"I thought maybe you wanted to have a 'normal conversation' for once." I kidded.

"I just wanted to say I think it's great you have found someone, I'm on your side no matter what becomes of this." She said enthusiastically.

"I know and I appreciate that, thank you." Apologetically.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts, but try not to worry some much, it's all going to work out. You'll see." She turned and danced out. Giving me one last thought on her way down the stairs, _"By the way I miss you!"_

Speaking under my breath, "I miss you too."

Situating myself, with some of my books and listening to music, that could not prevent the yearning to return to her. Taking pleasure in reading and music before, currently there was merely one thing I preferred do –be near her.

Time passed too slowly, becoming exceedingly difficult to remain away.

Putting on fresh clothes, I was off, down the stairs passing through the kitchen, avoiding Rosalie and her hideous thoughts I slipped out the back door.

Running at top speed. It was a wonderful sensation, liberating… usually it cleared my mind… but not on this occasion. Feeling as if nothing would ease my mind, having all of these scenarios that played out in my head. My position within this relationship was quickly becoming out of control.

But her draw was simply more than I could resist, becoming impossible to stop myself.

Taking my position at the treetop near her window… I watched her… waiting for my moment to go in. It eased my mind being this close to her, being able to see her and know she was safe. My major problem now, was what would become of my obsession with her.

She was so beautiful, sitting at her desk working on what I assumed was homework, she continued with her nightly routine of leaving the room to brush her teeth and hair in the bathroom, then proceeded downstairs to say goodnight to Charlie.

Behaving as stalker… like the predator I was. Sitting here… stalking my prey. My kind was supposed to act in such ways, so why did this feel different, it didn't feel like stalking, it felt more like I was protecting her.

Was I attempting to justify this to myself? Did I really believe we could exist together?

Knowing with a certain degree of righteousness that my mind was failing me.

Was it really her that needed good doctors, or was it I? Wasn't I the obsessed one here? If she were unstable, then I was certainly beyond assistance. For it was I, who was sneaking around watching her every move, for it was I, who had this secret life she knew nothing about.

Supposing it was I, who needed help.

Drawn to her now, there was no escaping my thoughts or my feelings. Closing my eyes I was haunted by her face. Knowing someday I would be required to leave her, this entire situation was becoming far too complicated. Never being ruled by someone else's desires, existing without her was becoming unimaginable.

Coming back up the stairs to her room she put on a CD quietly, turned out the light and hopped into bed.

Taking about twenty minutes to fall asleep usually, on this particular night she was out in five minutes.

Grateful –I didn't have to wait as long –I climbed to the window and went in, taking my customary seat in her rocking chair.

Breathing in deeply, the burning returned to my throat. This… the best part of my day… the part where everything was so still. My throat burning was becoming normal… although understanding… this was far from normal. Realizing that she would have to be informed that I come here before long.

How would I explain that to her?

_By the way Bella, did you know I watch you sleep every night, and I'm terribly in love with you._

How dare I assess her stableness? For it was I who was unstable fulfilling everyone's belief that I was a freak.

Watching while she slept, doubt lingered my mind.

Was I really here to protect her? Yes, the answer was always, yes. Could we be close, such as man and a woman were meant to be close? No, the answer was always, no.

Would she really want that? Would I? Plaguing my world with enough mistakes, I couldn't afford anymore, and neither could she. Impossible, becoming closer, I was a selfish creature and would always want more…

The monster within grinned… I pushed back. Existing the possibility I was here for him.

Had I been fooling myself from the very beginning?

None of this appeared accurate, he was never curious about a person previously. Could this be a trick? I was not that deceitful… was I? Being as persuasive as he could be, he'd never deceived me before. How could he –I was him.

Could my curiosity be a facade or did I actually wish to know her?

Truly believing I wanted to… no needed to … know her. Not for him, but for myself. Receiving pleasure in hearing about her, all of her amusing little stories, how she perceived the world.

The monster would never accommodate this constant burning in my throat, when quenching his thirst would be so easy.

Watching her in her most vulnerable state, how easy it would be to just… that wasn't the most powerful thought in my mind. The most overwhelming thought lingering my mind, would always be, what she was thinking.

Frustration spread through me desiring to know where all this was leading.

Tracing over her face, memorizing it, searching for any hint of clarity.

She slept soundly with her hair spilt over her wildly. Kicking the blankets off, every once in a while, providing me with my excuse to approach her. Quickly, placing them back on her, and returning to my chair.

How much longer could I justify my visits here? How much longer would I behave as a stalker, or a predator?

Being required to inform her –to disclose the truth- to have her know about my nightly activities. Tolerating this deceitfulness could go on no longer.

And what of the Billy Black situation? Was there any resolution there?

Not allowing him to put my family or myself at risk. Monitoring him, listening carefully, for any sign of exposure, for that was unacceptable. With the treaty in place, he would have to honor that, becoming my duty to make certain he would.

Dawn arrives quickly, putting a halt to my endless nights.

Dashing out the window, I ran home to retrieve my car. Intending to be back, to pick her up for school, after Charlie left.

Arriving home, changing my clothes, I was in my car in an instant.

Pulling in, a few seconds after Charlie pulled out of the driveway. Humans live by such routines, you could almost set a clock to their daily schedules.

The front door opened, and she walked out.

An automatic grin on my spread across my face the moment I caught sight of her. She didn't hesitate, climbing right into the passenger seat, quickly. Certainly, this had become routine.

"How did you sleep?" Saying, with a sly smile.

Amused by this double life that existed for me now, receiving answers to my assessments, providing me greater knowledge of Bella. Anything that could do that pleased me, I loved knowing everything I could.

"Fine. How was your night?" she returned.

Since meeting her, my nights were filled with nothing but pleasure. Wishing they were longer, for the first time in decades. Desiring to spend all of my time with her, sleeping or awake, it didn't matter; both were extremely remarkable.

"Pleasant." I smiled amusingly.

"Can I ask you what you did?" She said.

She could ask, but I would never tell, being way too early for that information. Having some knowledge of me, that was enough for the moment. Not wanting to scare her away, and telling her certainly would.

"No!" I grinned. "Today is still _mine_."

Today I asked all about the people in her life such as Renee, her grandmother and school friends she had.

Asking about the boys she had dated, she appeared rather embarrassed by this particular question. Although, she never actually dated anyone, I wasn't certain what embarrassed her.

Prompting me to pry a little more.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" Saying seriously. There must have been someone she had dated.

"Not in Phoenix." She grudgingly answered.

What did she mean by that? Was there someone here in Forks? Might she be speaking of me? As beautiful as she was, how could she have never dated anyone? With all the boys who were fawning over her at school, surely there was someone?

In the cafeteria by this time, the entire student body watched our every move. Their energy made it difficult to tune out the thoughts that were humming around the room. A few were impossible to ignore, as in the case of Mike Newton, who was cursing me, while wondering what Bella saw in me.

_I can't believe she is still sitting with him. Hasn't she figured out what a freak he is? Why her? Why did he have to pick her?_ He rambled on.

His constant remarks where getting on my nerves, reminding myself several times, that he was a child and didn't know what he is speaking of.

Then, there was Jessica, who was consumed with jealously; she was speculating the reason I hadn't chosen her.

_What's so special about her that even Edward Cullen can't resist her? I'm much better looking then she is. _Her shallow mind thought.

Not understanding, what it was about Bella that compelled the male students to compete for her, as I said… shallow. Admitting, after Bella's first day, I was disgusted, agreeing with Jessica, not comprehending the compulsion of every male thought. Brushing it off, as typical human male response, I now understand what wasn't so obvious, previously.

How blind I truly was.

The school days floated by quickly, now. Enthused by my appearance here –it didn't seem that long ago –I dreaded everything about this place. Purgatory –was the word I once used.

But today, was a dreadful one, having to depart early, wishing to stay.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," speaking reluctantly.

"Why?" she demanded.

With all my desires to stay, resisting my selfish side, I was required to leave. Taking as many precautions as I could –having to remain in control –taking risks with Bella was unbearable. Fighting all of my urges and instincts, turning my back on my selfish side, I was required to leave.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh," disappointment crossed her face. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

Make her walk home, no wonder she appeared disappointed. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," she sighed. "I really don't mind walking."

She actually thought, I would allow her to walk home, alone. After seeing her walk across a perfectly smooth linoleum floor, I would hardly allow her to walk home. She could get hit by a car, or fall into a ditch, or even more devastating she could walk across the bridge, trip on her own foot and fall into the river.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition –unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I said laughing.

"All right." She said wondering how we would accomplish this. Still knowing so little, although I felt as if I told her too much.

"So where are you going?" She asked.

Already being aware of my… extracurricular activities. If forced to have this discussion, again… so casually… so be it.

"Hunting," I answered. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." Loathing the need to tell her this, allowing her to know of my other desires. "You can always cancel, you know."

"No," she whispered, looking at me. "I can't."

Knowing what she meant… I couldn't cancel either. As much as I desired her to cancel, I was glad she couldn't –or wouldn't, whichever, it really didn't matter.

"Perhaps you're right," I murmured… my craving to be with her, out weighted everything else, with her scent swirling around my mind. The urgency and confusion that resided in my head, at the very thought of leaving her, urged me to rethink my plans.

She changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I offered.

"No," she answered too fast.

"The same time as usual, then," I decided. "Will Charlie be there?"

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." She was beaming.

Being too casual… as if two friends who were going to hang out for the day. That is not what was happening here. We were not friends hanging out for the day.

Not certain of what could occur, I felt strong, I felt in control, but I also knew there were a couple hundred children witnessing our conversation, at the moment. What would happen when I was isolated with her, knowing there were no witnesses?

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I asked sharply.

"I have no idea," she answered. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

She was joking, when this was no joking matter.

Having no concept, that not returning home was a distinct possibility. There's a fifty-fifty chance she wouldn't. Not being certain, I could easily make a mistake. With no way to be positive, the temptation may be too great.

"What are you hunting tonight?" She asked.

How could she be so casual about my hunting activities? Did it not bother her at all? Bothering me, exposing her to it, was she not bothered hearing about it? Being the reason I would not venture far… fear of leaving her alone… with her having no sense of danger.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far."

"Why are you going with Alice?" She wondered.

Tension was building with Rosalie, which left Emmett dealing with her. Being the worst kind of creature, allowing him to bare all of her rage. I'd have to find a way to make this up to him, some jester that would please him.

Then there was Jasper who was not pleased with me; he couldn't understand my attachment to Bella. He believed I was testing fate… and would loss. He didn't see the purpose behind my torture and I couldn't alter his mind.

Bringing us back to Alice. Alice was her own creature, with her own thoughts about the relationship. For she believed Bella would become her sister one day. Her visions angered me; for I knew with everything I was that this would not occur. Still, she was the only sibling that was supportive of Bella and I, and tolerating her thoughts over anyone else's was easier.

"Alice is the most… supportive." I frowned.

"And the others?" She asked uncertainly. "What are they?"

Considering that for a moment. What were they? "Incredulous, for the most part." That was the best way to describe them.

She glanced in the direction they sat; I wondered what she truly considered of them –or I should say us. After all, I was more a part of them, than I was of her.

"They don't like me," she guessed.

"That's not it," I disagreed. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

For them, being around a human for any reason other than their blood, made no sense. They couldn't comprehend why I was torturing myself. For them, that was what I was doing was… in their opinion… torturing myself.

Feeling that way myself, I couldn't completely comprehend. Only knowing for certain that I couldn't stay away from her. Being pulled to her –drawing me closer –not having the strength to leave, not yet, anyway.

She grinned. "Neither do I, for that matter."

How could she say that? Is she completely clueless? "I told you –you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She glared at me unbelieving.

Still so much she didn't understand. So much there was left to reveal.

Smiling. "Having the advantages I do," I murmured, touching my forehead. "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

By her expression, I recognized this didn't clarify my fixation of her. She seemed to be confused by the real reason.

How would I explain? How would I make her see what I see?

She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her mind didn't work similar to her fellow peers and she never responds, as she should. She fascinated me with her hidden secrets, the fact that I couldn't hear her thoughts, made her even more mesmerizing to me.

Revealing my attachment to her, at this moment, would make her afraid. Keeping this conversation light, being way too early to explain my true feelings, for this little human girl. Quite certain if she knew the truth she would run away screaming.

"That part is easy enough to explain," I continued. "But there's more… and it's not so easy to put into words…"

She was staring at my family as I spoke.

Rosalie suddenly caught her gaze and glared back at her, prompting me to put an end to this. Not allowing Rosalie to scare her off, I growled at her, and she backed off.

Why does she continue to do this? Wishing she would just stay out of this.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" Not wanting to finish.

"If?" she asked.

If I hurt you… if I killed you… if you never came home again… take your pick. There stood a chance of any number of these things happening… and more. Devastating my family if anything such as that were to happen. There would be decisions to be made. Decisions that would affect everyone involved, including a number of Bella's family and friends. We could leave no suspicions and more importantly no witnesses.

Offering me a moment, with the thought of doing away with Mike Newton, that provided me a moment of pleasure.

"If this ends… badly." Dropping my head in my hands. Unable to face her, I was too ashamed. It was extremely painful for me to imagine hurting her or even worse. Being forced to consider this, I am a monster, I must never forget that, and she is so… so…

"And you have to leave now?" She said awkwardly, pulling me from my revive.

Eliminating any temptation was the best possibility, to satisfy my hunger, to bury the monster deep within. Requiring me to leave her, for a period of time, leaving me tormented.

Also providing me an excuse to miss Biology class today.

"Yes," pulling my face out of my hands. It took a moment but I managed to smile. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology- I don't think I could take any more."

Sitting in that dark classroom with her, for even fifteen more minutes, was beyond agony. Tolerating those feelings any longer would prompt more mistakes. There could be no more mistakes… I promised myself… no more mistakes. The best thing to do, the right thing to do, was just stay away from that temptation.

Loving the way Bella was, so soft, so warm, allowing anything to alter that was unbearable. I'd be unable to live with myself, if anything were to happen to her, because of my weaknesses.

Having to keep her safe, exactly as she was, became my whole existence now. Remaining human was all I could tolerate, doing everything in my power to guarantee that.

Alice approached behind me, and was eager to form a friendship with Bell, to my dismay. Alice knew too much and to risk her revealing that was undesirable.

Besides, wasn't I still rethinking my plans for today?

Supposing, if I were spending the whole day alone with Bella tomorrow, then a hunting trip tonight would be in order.

Unable to take my eyes off Bella when Alice approached.

"Alice." I greeted her.

"Edward," she answered.

Alice was so pushy, premeditating this moment, to meet Bella. She needed to back off before she scares Bella.

"Alice, Bella- Bella Alice," Introducing them with a wry smile on my face.

"Hello, Bella." Alice said friendly. "It's nice to finally meet you."

I glared at her intently.

"Hi, Alice," Bella murmured.

"Are you ready?" she asked me.

I wasn't ready… I'd never be ready to leave Bella. Wasn't I revising my plans, I suppose with Alice showing up, that meant I was going. After all, she did have more knowledge than I.

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car."

Alice left without another word, assuming she got the hint.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" she asked.

Compelling me to smile. How could it not? Her reactions were never what I thought they'd be. What else would you say knowing where I was going? Assuming, this would be the appropriate respond to someone who was going out to dinner.

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." I grinned.

"Have fun, then." she said.

Believing this was a strange conversation we were having, I realized it must be outlandish for her, but I wished for her to know the truth. I'd decided there would be no more lies –she needed to know everything about me.

"I'll try." I said grinning. "And you try to be safe, please."

She found this entirely humorous, but I was not joking. It pained me to leave her unprotected. My time with her was already restricted and I loathed missing any of it.

Being a magnet for danger she was not safe without me, or maybe I was just justifying my lingering existence here. Creating more excuses to stay with her.

"Safe in Forks- what a challenge."

Is she kidding me? She could find trouble wherever she was –it followed her.

"For you it is a challenge." My jaw clenched tight. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," she recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight- that ought to be fraught with peril."

So amusing she was –she didn't realize my life depended on her safety. She had to remain safe… there was no other choice. But I couldn't resist teasing her at this point.

"Don't fall in," I mocked.

I stood up and she rose too.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I mused, knowing it wouldn't be as long for me. Being pleased my wait would not be as long, for it tortured me being away from her. Unfortunately, it gave me satisfaction knowing it tormented her as well.

She nodded glumly.

"I'll be there in the morning," I promised.

All right… I had to lie… what else could I do?

Unprepared to disclose my nightly visits, at this moment. My tolerance reached its peak as I reached across the table to touch her face, lightly brushing her cheekbone… turning I walked away.

Leaving my mind linger behind me watching her expression as I left. She gazed at me leaving, her face pained, she was deciding something.

What was she thinking?

She seemed sad at my departure, which gave me pleasure. A monster I am, taking satisfaction in her pain.

Arriving at my car Alice was waiting patiently for me. She was always optimistic, believing that her and Bella would become fast friends. Not wild about her thoughts of Bella's future, everything in my power would be done to modify them. As I approached, she was bursting with eagerness, she was practically screaming in my head.

_I get to talk to Bella now?_ She questioned or stated, I couldn't tell.

"No, stop it Alice!" I growled.

_How did lunch go today?_ She asked.

"Fine, are we ready?" Reluctant to discuss Bella, with her.

"Yes, I'm ready." She answered out loud.

"Let's go."

"Are you sure there's nothing you would like to talk about? You are experiencing a lot of new things recently, perhaps I can help?" She asked inquisitively.

"What's there to talk about? I love her and I ought to let her go. Talking about it doesn't make it easier." I answered with chagrin.

"It doesn't have to be that way Edward. Your not the monster you believe you are. You are a kind, thoughtful, gentle man. You deserve happiness." she replied.

"How can you know that for certain? Even you can't be certain that I won't make a mistake. You, of all people, recognize that if I make an error, she would die. We're not talking about hurting her Alice... I could kill her. And that's the element that terrifies me, I couldn't live with myself if that were to happen." I confessed.

Alice may have her vision, but that doesn't change the fact that I could alter the future, at any given moment. Her visions were not written in stone, the future could change at any time.

I refuse to take chances with Bella's life.

"Honestly Edward, I don't believe you could possibly do that. If I thought that could be a possibility, you know I would tell you. I am certain that will not happen." She said strongly.

"Thank you for your overwhelming believe in me, but there are things besides myself that are a danger to her. Things that are part of our world that could harm her. She deserves a 'normal life', doesn't she?" I questioned.

"If she feels for you, half of what you feel for her, it won't matter Edward. As long as she's with you. Don't you get that, you couldn't help falling in love with her and I'm certain she can't help falling in love with you." Alice pleaded.

"Don't say that. Please Alice, do… not… say that. That's the last thing… I want to encourage." Saying with chagrin.

Arriving outside of Bella's house, I got went in to retrieve her truck key. Returning, I gave my keys to Alice, telling her to meet me back at the school.

_Too late!_ She couldn't resist answering my last statement. Giggling as she pulled away in my car.

Alice could be so childish –usually one of her more enduring qualities- right now, it was just annoying. Wishing she would keep her opinions to herself, needing no persuading to remain with Bella. Discouragement was what I really required.

Climbing in to Bella's truck, starting the engine, I pulled away. Driving back to the school pondering what Alice spoke of.

Could she be right? Could Bella feel as I do?

Dealing with this just became that much more difficult.

How would I change that?

A monster I am, and I couldn't see a way out.

How could I permit this to go on for so long? How could this possibly work?

Plagued with too many questions, I had no answers. Allowing myself to respond to these hindering questions would assure me that leaving was the best thing. Already pressing my luck staying as long as I had. Needing to set her free… free from all that would –not could –but would come from remaining with me.

Arriving at the school parking lot, putting her truck where my car had been.

I took out a piece of paper that was folded in half and left it on the seat. It read two small words I had written that merely said, _Be safe._

Desiring for her to be safe –she truly deserved to be happy. Wishing there was someway she could happy with me, I couldn't foresee that happening. My only vision was her being miserable with me, leaving me to make concessions, until I had enough strength leave.

Wanting to minimize the temptation, preparing for our trip tomorrow, a hunting trip would be required. There can be no more mistakes –ever. Already risking enough when it came Bella, attempting to reduce the possibility of temptation. Wanting to quench my thirst, stopping the hunger as much as feasible.

"Are you going to hunt or not?" Alice said.

"I have," my thoughts drifting elsewhere.

"Edward, you need to be prepared, you're the one who keeps saying that!" Alice pleaded.

"I know Alice, I'm coming." I said.

Holding no interest for me, my heart was not here. Worrying… the feeling overwhelmed me, concerned about her every moment. Unable to shake this feeling, imagining several scenarios she could find herself in, things dangerous to her.

"You've got it bad, Edward." Alice said.

"Please… Alice." I begged.

"Well, what comes now? What are you going to do?" She questioned.

"I have no idea. I know that this is all wrong, but I don't think I can leave either."

"Your not meant to, you're meant to…"

Cutting her off immediately.

"I know what you think I'm meant to do… but that will never happen… so give it up." I said angrily.

"Alright… Alright, for now, but sooner or later you'll have to deal with it Edward." She reminded. "Why is it that you do not see yourself clearly? Why can't you see yourself as we do? You are wonderful and quite a catch I might add. Bella is the lucky one if you ask me." She added.

"Who asked you?" I retorted. "That's all I can take for one night, I'll see you later."

"You're leaving? Have you had enough?" She questioned.

"Yes, I've had quite enough of you for one evening." I said dismayed.

She looked at me hurt.

A disgruntle old man I was becoming, regretting speaking this way to Alice, who was only trying to help in her own way.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean that, but I do want to get back."

"I'll see you, but try to remember what I told you tonight."

"Thanks Alice."

Flying through the forest, barely touching the ground, I was in a full on run. The quicker I ran, the faster I would be with her.

Within a few minutes I arrived outside of Bella's house, all was quiet and motionless. Listening for a few moments, making certain no one was awake.

Going up the side of the house, through her window, to my sanctuary.

Taking my customary seat in her rocking chair, hearing peaceful music playing, it was Chopin's nocturnes. Extraordinary music for a girl of seventeen, even now, everything about Bella surprised me. She was very distinct from the girls her own age.

Looking at her nightstand, I noticed a box of cold medicine.

Was she ill? She didn't appear ill when I left her this morning.

Perhaps this was her excuse, a way out of the trip tomorrow. If she cancels do to illness that would be satisfying. Offering no further invitations, never asking her to go anywhere alone with me, again. Proving me a chance to end this, whatever it was.

Could I really do that? End this?

The selfish creature said no, but I was fairly surely he could be ignored, being capable of repressing him for almost seventy-years now.

What makes this any different?

He was not going to win… I wouldn't allow that.

But, was she really ill, she didn't appear to be. She slept more soundly than she did on any other occasion. Concern for her plagued me, with so many illnesses that bring harm to humans. Microscopic virus's that could so easily harm… or even kill them.

What kind of illness could she have?

Bella rolled over, once again, kicking the blankets to the floor. No wonder she was ill, almost freezing to death every night while she slept.

Moving next to the bed I replaced her blanket, pleasing me with this small jester. Peering at her, if she was ill, she hid it well, looking as lovely as ever. Her skin was still transparent with a hint of color, same as always.

Not appearing to be ill, I sat back down, listening to her heartbeat and her shallow breathing. These were sounds I'd grown accustom to and longed to hear. Breathing deeply, her scent assaulted me, setting my throat on fire with flames. Taking another deep breath, assaulting me more, my stomach twisted with the ache, and my muscles recoiled. I had been away too long, but this was definitely becoming easier to endure.

Watching her intensely, wondering what I had missed while I was away this evening. How many significant changes there were in my absence. Mostly, I wondered what she had done. Did she remain home –go out with friends? Was this any of my business, she was free to do as she wishes, but I still wondered.

What of the things Alice said?

If Bella was feeling the same as I… would she allow an ending? Would she merely allow me to walk away, never to speak to her again? Why am I thinking this?

She would have no choice… I wouldn't allow a choice… if that's what I decide… that's the way it would be.

Sitting patiently full of hopefulness, retracing her face again and again, for the rest of the evening. Wanting to memorize her face, every feature, in case my time had come to leave and never return. Desiring to remember exactly what she looks like… forever.

As the night was ending and day was rising I knew it was time to vanish. Forcing myself to leave, I almost couldn't make myself go. Believing this may be the last time I came here, my body refused to move.

As the daylight was brightening the room, I took a deep breath allowing her scent to assault me one last time. Walking to the window, I turned around to take one final glance and one final breath. Closing my eyes I jumped to the ground below… not stopping I ran… I ran faster than I'd ever run before.

Continuing the masquerade I returned home.

Rose, Alice, Emmett and Jasper were sitting around the TV. Before hitting the door, I heard the conversation about my outing today. Jasper was wagering Emmett on the out come of my trip. Alice had piped in saying I would return her back safe and sound. Reassuring me, I was uncertain of today's outcome. The others were already planning our exit from Forks.

Angering me, I went in.

"You don't have to worry about cleaning up the evidence, or leaving Forks… she will come home in one peace." I said angered.

"Edward, we were just…" Emmett spoke out.

_Idiot. How dare he ruin everything for us! Moron._ Rosalie said.

"I know what you were just doing…" ignoring them.

Running upstairs I put on fresh clothes, and returned to Bella as promised.

Arriving back at her house after Charlie had left for the day.

Pausing in the forest, uncertain if I wanted to go to the door. This was it… once I made this choice there was no going back. Once she saw me –the real me –would she finally run screaming. Hesitantly I headed for her door.

Walking up to the door, half hopeful she was ill having to cancel, and half eager she was fine and might go. Being so torn not certain what to imagine. On one hand I, required her to have an ordinary and happy life, on the other hand, the selfish side, wanted her with me, forever.

Enduring these feelings was what I imagined hell to be.

A decision would be made and the decision was hers. Canceling would bring an end to this relationship –or whatever this was.

Standing, terrified to knock on the door, I reached out and softly tapped, almost praying she wouldn't answer.

_Almost._

She flung opened the door, verifying my place in hell for certain. Looking her up and down I realized we were wearing matching outfits… I laughed… I had to, how similar we really were.

"Good morning," I chuckled.

"What's wrong?" she glanced down at herself.

"We match." I laughed.

Hiding my true feelings, apparently she was not ill and able to make the trip. Providing me such relief, I was actually terrified that she would cancel, leaving no choice but to leave Forks.

Not wanting to leave my home or my family, most of all, I didn't want to leave her. She became the reason I was here… to be near her… to love her was my whole existence now. Remaining here for as long as she desired.

Turning she locked the door, while I proceeded to the passenger side of her truck. Making her way to the driver's side smugly, she got in and unlocked my door. Managing to hide my anxiety, the thought of her driving was horrifying –I was uncertain of anyone driving, beside myself.

"Where to?" she asked.

"Put your seat belt on- I'm nervous already."

She gave me a dirty look, but put it on anyway.

"Where to?" She repeated.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I ordered.

Determining that my nerves would never be able to handle her driving, I stared at her face, willing to watch her face for eternity. She fascinated me, even with everything I already knew, there was much more knowledge I wanted to acquire.

Her driving left something to be desired though, she drove so slow, mocking her was unavoidable.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather- have some respect," She retorted.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I instructed. "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

Keeping her eyes forward was my only relief, her driving habits made me fairly nervous, and she had no idea where we were heading. Knowing the roads, I also had other advantages that would keep us safe, if something were to happen.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" she wondered.

Everything existed at the pavement's end, my whole shocking truth, who I am, waited for us at the pavement's end. Being beyond words, she would have to wait for us to arrive, to see what was there.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" She said shocked.

"Is that a problem?" Maybe she'll want to turn around now.

"No." She lied.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

She appeared horrified at the prospect of hiking five miles. Memories flashed, of the challenge she had walking across a flat surface, but I wouldn't allow anything happen to her.

Would she still not realize that?

Driving in silence, for a short time, she was troubled about the hike.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked impatiently.

"Just wondering where we're going." She was lying, again and needed to relax. Knowing nothing would happen to her, I wouldn't permit it. Having to ease her mind.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice."

Staring out the window, at the thinning clouds. This would be the place… the place I would expose myself to her. Being the moment of truth, either she would accept what I was or she would most certainly, run away screaming.

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

Charlie would be right, according to Alice the sun will be out all day. Making my plans to bring her here and show her what I was, perfect. In order to do that… I would need the sun's assistance.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked.

"Nope."

Wondering, what prompted her to hide so many things from Charlie?

Charlie also attempted to shield Bella from so many things. Their relationship was still a mystery to me, both hiding secrets from each other needlessly. Truly, if they knew how each other felt, there would be no need for keeping secrets.

Even though, our destination was unknown to Charlie, there was solace knowing a least one other person who had knowledge of our outing.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I said smiling.

"No, I told her you canceled on me- which is true."

What was this?

Jessica had no knowledge of our whereabouts? Wasn't Jessica the only one with information of our outing today?

Not one person… no one knew … I'd be alone with her. We'd be isolated, no one around for miles, this can't be.

"No one knows you're with me?" I said angrily.

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

Alice! What good would come from Alice knowing? What was she going to do?

Alice would only help clean up the mess, hide any evidence. She would be on my side if anything were to go wrong, not Bella's.

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped.

How could she do this, this rendered me speechless.

With no one having knowledge of her whereabouts… and even worse, who she was with, was intolerable. How could I continue under these circumstances?

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I demanded.

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," she said.

Once again, proving her brain didn't working correctly. Concerned for me, when her thoughts should remain with herself, she was the one in danger here, not me.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me- if _you_ don't come _home_?" Saying angrily and sarcastic.

_This girl is crazy, what was she thinking?_

Making this trip more complicated, no one having knowledge… this is was not good… not good at all.

The monster was grinning –he may get his way, after all. How could I blame him, she's making this quite easy for him.

Remembering our first day in biology class, when she stepped into my existence, all the scenarios I played out in my head.

And all the while, I only had to ask her to come with me and she would've so easily.

Attempting to make an escape, the monster was already planning the day's events. With no quick execution, formulating a strategy to extend the experience. Wishing to savior the moment… the sweet luscious taste… the pleasure of the kill. Beginning to slither his way out, my throat shoot into flames, my mouth was swimming with venom and my muscles tightened. The anger washed threw me and the battle began… the battle for control.

_Enough._

Tolerance resurfaced, logic came flowing back, after spending so much time together at school, if she didn't return, I would be the first suspect. All her friends knew this… yes, this was it… my reason to bring her back.

Taking a deep breath… I was regaining control… not allowing him to surface. Control was the key –pushing him so far down –he couldn't escape. Bella could never see him, never be exposed to a creature such as him.

Besides, I couldn't let Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper win. Proofing them wrong after being on my case so much, show them betting against Alice is utterly foolish. Truth be know, betting against Alice was foolish… so how could I resist what she envisions?

By not resisting, and facing that fact… that one day Bella would…. No!

Running out of roadway, she pulled over to the shoulder and parked.

Getting out of the truck I stood waiting for her. She was hesitant at the driver's side -I probably scared her, good she needed a bit of scaring. Apparently she didn't realize the extent of danger she was in.

It was warm out here, so playing the façade of being human I removed my sweater and turned toward the forest.

"This way," I said.

Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed she had taken off her sweater, too. She looked wonderful in her sleeveless t-shirt, so beautiful, so soft looking.

Remaining angry with her was difficult, when she looked so fragile.

"The trail?" She panicked, breaking my train of thought as she walked to my side of the truck.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

Definitely frightening, her heart sped up and she began to tremble. Was it the hike she feared, or being here alone with me, either one was a good possibility. Desiring it to be the hike she feared, I also prayed it were I that frightened her, giving me a sense of how wrong I'd been, that she did have a sense of self-preservation.

Hearing her thoughts would make this easier, one little thought could change everything, without my extra-hearing I was irritated, unable to know how to behave. What an uncomfortable feeling not having it, when I needed it the most. The feeling of inadequacy was not one I cherished.

"No trail," she sounded frantic.

"I won't let you get lost." I said, mocking her.

Already concerned about her awkwardness, now it seemed she feared getting lost. Looking somewhat tortured, perhaps she changed her mind about going.

"Do you want to go home?" Asking quietly –hoping she'd say yes, but praying she'd say no. Am I really ready for this? Ready for complete exposure.

"No." She began walking forward, stepping close beside me. The heat washed over me like a tidal wave, she was even hotter than usual. It felt as though she were leaning against me.

Unable to be certain of her concerns, could it really be the fact that we were hiking? Seeming so insignificant, not worthy of this level of panic, yet I wasn't positive.

"What's wrong?" I gently asked.

"I'm not a good hiker," she answered. "You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient- if I make a great effort." I smiled. Attempting to smile back, it wasn't convincing.

"I'll take you home," Promising I wasn't quite certain if that meant now, if she want to, or later if we made it through this day. Being seventy-five percent certain, it meant at all, the odds were undeniably getting better, the further we progressed.

"If you want me to hike five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she said.

When I was certain we would go, I lead the way.

I tried to make it simple for her by holding down the damp ferns and webs of moss. Assisting her over fallen trees or boulders by lifting her by her elbow and letting go instantly.

Every touch was reminiscent of Biology class.

Her heart sped up every time I touched her, and after some careful analysis, I was convinced that was a good thing. Having been around several women who had the same reaction, such as the office secretary, and hearing her thoughts as that happened, I would assume Bella's reaction was for the same reason, giving me such pleasure.

Although, admitting that I'd been wrong about Bella's reactions on other occasions, there stood a small chance I was now.

Small only because I longed to believe my theory.

Keeping my composure was rather challenging with every glance lost in her beauty, her softness the way her hair spilled across her face.

_Enough_.

I needed to pay attention, to make certain she didn't trip or fall, over anything, not allowing her to get hurt.

Most of the time was spent in silence, occasionally asking questions that I hadn't asked to previously. Asking about her birthday, her grade school teachers, about any pets she's had. Sharing with me, how she had killed three fish in a row, bringing an end to any more pets.

That made me laugh… intensely.

She was slow but I didn't object, just being with her was enough. Drawing this out longer provided me more time to spend with her.

Being here in the forest, the place I loved most, it was where I could be most like myself. Truly familiar with this place, it became my second home, knowing every tree, every rock, and even every bush I'd spent most of my time here.

Taking her elbow and easing her over a fallen tree, her heart thudded quite noticeably at the touch of my cold hand. A smile spread across my face as she glanced at me. Being quite certain she noticed me listening to her heart… she gave me a wry smile.

Excitedly I forged on, everything appeared perfect. She was here with me, heading to my favorite place, where the sun was sure to shine. She was at ease and appeared to be enjoying the hike more than she'd admit.

My only wish, at this moment, was possessing the ability to hear her thought –that remained the one missing thing.

What appeared to be perfection to me could be an absolute nightmare for Bella. Never thinking, the way I assumed she would, if she were loathing every minute of this hike, she would never show it, never give me one indication. She had built in protection shielding me from any pain or anxiety.

A few hours had passed and the light was shimmering through the forest. The sun was shinning just like Alice said it would.

Progressing anxiously, arriving closer to the destination, where Bella would see precisely what I was. A sense of dread washed threw me, as I prepared for her to witness what I was. Bracing myself for the running and screaming that was sure to follow.

This wondrous place, being so far removed from any trails or hunting cesspools, remained safe to be in the sunlight. Revealing myself in the sunlight, the shocking truth that was I, there would be no witnesses. No one would hear her scream and more importantly there was nowhere for her to escape.

Reacting the way I thought she should, there would remain plenty of time to reconcile her anxieties. Reasoning with her, reassuring her I meant no harm to her. Comforting her if the need arises, although I wasn't certain how to accomplish that, I would make her feel safe.

"Are we there yet?" She asked impatiently.

"Nearly." I smiled. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

Where the edge of the forest rested, a brilliant light appeared with rainbows around it. Quite a sight assuring me our arrival would be soon. It was always the bright lights in the middle of the dark forest that gave away my meadow.

She peered ahead. "Um, should I?"

I smirked. "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," she murmured.

Opps –another mistake –her eyes don't see as well as mine do.

Allowing Bella to take the lead, I was excited to share this with her. Wanting to watch her approaching the meadow. Seeing the expression on her face, would inform me, whether I'd made the right decision bringing her here. As long as I was able to see her eyes, she couldn't hide her true feelings.

Reaching the edge of the forest bringing with it a pool of light. Bella stepped through the last fringe of ferns into the meadow.

Hanging back I scrutinized, watching her response. Being one of the most magnificent places I'd ever seen, intuitively I knew she would appreciate it too.

Miraculous was her reaction, finally getting one reaction right. Amazing was her expression at the sight of the meadow, just as I had been. Lighting up her face with such delight, I stood proud that I'd finally done something right by her. Fulfilling my wish, that she loved this place. Almost providing me a sense of righteousness, that she was meant for me, and I her.

_Almost._

She stood in the middle, looking around gradually, until she noticed my absence. Turning to look in anticipation, she spotted me at the edge of the meadow.

Unable to walk out, I stood motionless.

Here I was, with the two things I consider perfect. Bella and my meadow were together now. Could my existence get any better than this? With her here, there existed nothing else, no one else, and my existence was perfect.

The meadow was small, perfectly round and filled with wildflowers. Being a little piece of heaven right here on earth. Coming here almost fortified my believe in the existence of a God, a true God. For only a God could create something so beautiful and perfect. And my Bella was angelic, furthering my belief in a God. As with the meadow only a God could create an angel such as Bella. She too was beautiful and perfect in every way. Watching her, in this perfect place almost revealed the existence of God.

_Almost_.

The existence of God and heaven filled my thoughts, as I gazed at her in the meadow. Something more powerful existing in this moment was undeniable. My angel stood waiting for me, making me curious as to what she was thinking, at this very significant moment.

Was this moment as powerful to her as it was to me? Did she see the beauty in this place as I did? Would it appear the same to her human eyes?

Stepping out, at this moment… would certainly ruin the beauty and magic of this place. Having an angel in the middle of this perfection made me hesitant. Fear of walking out, exposing the monster I was, of destroying all of this beauty.

How could I expect her to accept me when she was so perfect… and I was so not?

Standing here, attempting to build the courage, strength enough to move my legs. Desperate to be with her, my desire was to step into this miraculous place, yearning to hold her in my arms, surrounded by heaven. Not belonging, here with her, this place was reserved for the truly good, and I was not one of them.

Attempting to walk… commanding my feet to move… they failed me, remaining where they were. Standing at the edge, imagining a greater power at work here, making it impossible for me to move.

Were they finally here to protect this girl from me?

Acknowledging the truth –she was not meant for me.

If she were not meant for me, then why would I bring her here? A place so secret to me. The one place I knew she belonged, the one place I could explain everything, the one place I was able to share all of my secrets with her.

So if I was commanding my feet to move… why would they not?

Such a coward I was, bringing her here, unable to reveal myself to her. Wanting desperately to put my fears aside and step forward. Step forth exposing myself to her. Step forth to be with my angel, who was obviously sent to the wrong person. Step forth to enjoy her for as much time as I had… I wanted to step forth.

She took a step towards me with curiosity in her eyes, beckoning me with her hand to join her.

Putting my hand up in protest to stop her.

Seeing her here was extraordinary, bringing her here was complete. It was nothing I'd ever experienced before… as if we belonged together… going home at long last.

Hesitantly I took a deep breath, stepping out into the bright light.

28


	3. Chapter 15

15. MIND OVER MATTER

Driving along the highway, attempting to maintain a human speed. Bella didn't appreciate it when I drove to fast. An accident was impossible, but I was certain she wouldn't understand that. Being capable of hearing what is approaching, prior to it occurring.

Respecting her wishes, I would drive similar to any other human.

Nevertheless, I drove with merely one hand, as the other held hers on the seat between us. Finding it very challenging to watch the roadway rather then her. It was not necessary watching the road, I'd already memorized this stretch of highway –in fact –I had memorized every road in forks. Lastly, I was capable of seeing any vehicle that may approach before it arrived.

As I drove along watching her, the feeling of perfection washed over me, for in this moment, there was nothing more magnificent.

An odd feeling overwhelmed me, one I didn't recognize… distracting me… I was happy… truly, happy.

Having Bella beside me, with the knowledge of who and what I was, was thoroughly liberating. There was no running or screaming, she reacted as only Bella could, not how I expected. She was not bothered by what I was, she appeared at ease, giving me more hope than I'd had in my entire existence.

To distract myself I turned the radio on to an oldies station, and sang along to a song that was playing. Recognizing this particular song I sang all the words.

"You like fifties music?" she asked.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered. "The eighties were bearable."

Music was a big part of my existence loving to play and listen to music, being one of my favorite pass times; I loved a vast variety of music. My collection was extensive –I was what you would call a collector of music.

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" She responded.

"Does it matter much?" I smiled.

Here I thought I had divulged the whole lot, overlooking the most obvious question she could produce. Being a simple question that had a complicated answer. Outwardly, I was a teenager and always would be, but inwardly, that was a story in itself.

"No, but I still wonder…" She frowned. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I thought to myself, gazing into the sun as the minutes passed.

Speculating –I was speculating how this would affect her. In truth, the way we looked together was normal, but my mind was much older than hers. Technically, they'd arrest me for having such thoughts, about this much younger lady. But actually, she seemed much older than her age, to me.

"Try me," she finally said.

Reflecting for a moment… wondering whether this would trouble her… to realize that I was old enough to be her grandfather.

Gazing into her eyes I could nearly distinguish that this detail would not disturb her. Looking into the sun… I finally spoke.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." Pausing I gazed at her from the corner of my eye. I smiled a tiny smile. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

She took a deep breath as I gazed into her eyes again.

What could she possibly be thinking? Did she gasp because I born in 1901- or was it the fact that I was dying? Both were pretty disturbing facts.

How would she handle this?

"I don't remember it well –it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." Considering that for a moment. It had been a long time since I attempted to remember being human. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

"Your parents?"

My parents –I hadn't thought about them for a long time. Sometimes I missed them and my regular life. They had suffered before passing on and didn't know what became of me. I've often wondered if they could see what I had become. Whether that made them sad or if they were just happy I survived at all.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he… save you?"

Uncertain of how to explain this, the complexity and extreme self-control it takes to accomplish what Carlisle achieved. It's not an easy thing to describe; not wanting her to know the depth of agony and pain that resulted from the transformation. She had no reason to have this information… it didn't really concern her.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I paused. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

That was all I could reveal to her at this moment. Sensing she had several more questions on this topic, I gave her the impression I would speak no more about this subject. After all, it really had no meaning for her, it was not something she would suffer or observer.

There was nothing more to say.

Assuming she would want to know why he would do this. "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Emse soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She asked without saying the word.

Neither one of us used the word… vampire… often. The fact was I'd only said it out loud once.

I wondered why that was? Would it make it real? If we used that word would that make it too believable?

For myself the word vampire represented brutality and violence never to equate with peace and love. The very nature of a vampire was to kill… to exist by drinking blood. There could be no peace or love under those circumstances, could there?

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." Answering respectfully. "It is easier he says, though," I continued, "if the blood is weak." Looking at the now-dark road, closing that subject.

Appreciating her curiosity, the majority of these subjects were not my stories to disclose. I felt uncomfortable explaining someone else's reasons and stories. It was not my place to give clarification for them –they actually ought to facilitate that for themselves… if they choose to.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him –he was careful with his thoughts around me." Rolling my eyes. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting –we were in Appalachia at the time- and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles; afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her."

Picking up our hands I brushed Bella's cheek with the back of my hand.

Gaining a little respect for Rosalie, at that moment, that journey must have been excruciating and she had endured it.

Could this be why she was against Bella and I? That she already knew how difficult it would be? Emmett was so close to death and Bella wasn't, had that made it unacceptable?

"But she made it," she said looking away from me.

"Yes," I murmured. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I laughed. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, _again_."

"Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" She interrupted, fascinated. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

A subject I'd been avoiding.

Alice's gift wasn't a subject I had been comfortable with for a while now. The things she saw were not things I was willing to share with Bella. They weren't going to happen, so why discuss them?

"That's true. She knows other things. She _sees_ things –things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." Not enjoying this conversation, Bella shouldn't know what Alice saw.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

Alice's visions helped us know what to expect and what may happen. It's always been beneficial to have her around –until now.

Now her visions were just annoying. They were no longer reliable especially when it came to Bella's future.

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of… your kind?" She was surprised.

There were enough to pose a danger to her with us around. She would be surprised how many walked around undetected. There were enough to make me concerned about her wandering around unprotected.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people" glancing at her "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together."

Was it fate that made us leave Alaska bringing me to Bella?

Or was I interrupting fate, allowing her to miss her true destiny. Considering all of the occurrences since our first meeting, I rather hoped I was her destiny, however, I had a strong feeling I was interrupting fate.

"And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

Pulling up to the front of her house I turned off the engine. It was very dark though my eyes could still see as if it weren't; there was no moon tonight. Gazing at her eyes, knowing the hidden curiosity behind them. In spite of everything, she had additional questions to inquire about.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

Living in darkness for years, I yearned for daylight… the sun… missing its warm rays on my face. It is never an option to get caught out in the sun. As time passed and technology advanced it became easier to be out in daylight and not be seen.

"So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably."

Truly… I had know idea where the legends came from. We heard them throughout the years –mostly just laughed at them. But we also enjoyed the fact that they terrified most people, which kept them from investigating anything.

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is_ a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

All was silent for a moment and I heard Bella's stomach growl. How strange to think she had to feed more often than us. Completely forgetting that detail –I'd have to put that on my list for future reference.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really."

Here she was, lying again, the evidence was her growling stomach. Why would she lie about something so trivial? It's not as if I didn't eat, just not as often.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want you to stay with me." She pleaded.

Revealing her reason for lying, she was afraid I was leaving, filling me with such warmth to know she wanted me to stay. But, it wasn't as if she could ask me in for dinner.

"Can't I come in?" I requested.

"Would you like to?" She said surprised.

"Yes, if it's all right." Quickly getting out before she could change her mind. Zipping around to the passenger side, I opened her door for her.

"Very human," she complimented.

"It's definitely resurfacing."

Human tendencies were undeniably resurfacing, reinforcing my need to take care of her. She was a lady and deserved to be treated as such. In my day, ladies were to be treated with the utmost respect, which meant opening and holding doors, assisting them in and out of cars. (Of course in my time it was buggies, but this worked, too)

Walking up to her house, she kept glancing at me… had she changed her mind? Did she not want me coming in?

Reaching the door ahead of her I opened it, a foolish mistake, only realizing after it was too late.

"The door was unlocked?" She questioned.

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She stepped in, she turned on the porch light. I contemplated how I would answer her next question, which was certain to suggest itself. Believing honesty was the best policy:

"I was curious about you." I said.

"You spied on me?" She said shocked.

She didn't appear annoyed or crossed. "What else is there to do at night?"

We walked down the hall to the kitchen. Arriving before her I acquired a chair at the table. It struck me I knew this house too perfectly, for someone who has in no way, been invited in previously. So many little mistakes that she was sure to observe, as not much goes unnoticed with her.

She went to work fixing herself some dinner. Relief washed over me as I realized that my previous actions hadn't opened the floodgates, heading towards my familiarity of her home.

"How often?" She sounded casual.

"Hmmm?" She interrupted my thoughts.

"How often did you come here?"

She didn't turn around, unable to catch a glimpse of her eyes, warning me if she was furious.

I'd stated the truth regarding everything else why not this?

"I come here almost every night."

She spun around, stunned. "Why?"

Why? That was a good question.

Why was I so drawn to you? Why could I not leave you? Why would I let this small girl drive me to madness? Why had she become the most important thing in my life?

Yes… I would also like to know why?

"You're interesting when you sleep." I said out right. "You talk."

Finally it came, the reaction I'd been anticipating, she let out a gasp… actually she screamed 'No'. She grasped the kitchen counter for support.

Was this where the running and screaming would come?

"Are you very mad at me?"

"That depends!" She said breathless.

Anxiety ripped through me, leaving me the overwhelming need to comfort her.

Was it truly as bad as it sounded in my head?

I'd just confessed to being a stalker… it was that bad. How would I ever comfort her having no idea how to accomplish that?

"On?" I urged.

"What you heard!" She wailed.

Human instincts surged, leaping up I ran to her, seizing her hands tenderly in mine. Pleading with her not to be irritated with me, gazing directly into her eyes as she attempted to look away.

"You miss your mother," I whispered. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'it's too _green_'." I laughed softly.

"Anything else?" she demanded.

Understanding exactly what she yearn to know. "You did say my name," I confessed.

"A lot?" she sighed.

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"

She may view it as a lot, but to me it wasn't enough. If she spoke only my name it would never be enough. So many nights I sat waiting to hear it, willing her to say it. I wished to be her only thought… as wrong as that may be… it was still the truth.

"Oh no!" She declined her head.

Pulling her to my chest, hugging her, attempting to comfort her. Attempting to reassure her… that there was nothing wrong with that.

The complete transformation in me, that first night she spoke my name, changed my very existence. It brought a purpose, that included me staying in Forks, and that purpose remained her.

"Don't be self-conscious," Whispering in her ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

We both her the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the headlights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us. She became rigid in my arms.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…" She considered this.

"Another time then…"

Dashing out, invisible to her, she whispered my name.

Hadn't she realized anything today? Did she not understand that I could never be far away?

I chuckled.

Moving faster than the human eye could see, I was out the back door, up the side of the house to her room, where I would wait. Anxiously waiting for my Bella who knew all there was to know.

Bella and her father had an extraordinary relationship. He cared enormously for her, nevertheless, was too embarrassed to reveal it. He always appeared to keep his guard up. Bella on the other hand –didn't seem to relate to her father –but she was a great deal like him.

Bella was attempting to rush threw dinner and Charlie observed. He speculated what she was actually up to. Considering that it was Saturday night and she was going to bed early. He did not believe this to be the truth, but what could he do?

Smiling, as I listened to his numerous tactics to maintain her safety. He genuinely loved her a great deal. Listening to him tell Bella good night, I knew she was approaching the stairs, prompting me to disappear from view.

Bella arrived in her room, heading straight for the window, throwing it open, she glared at the trees.

"Edward?" She whispered, sounding utterly foolish.

Unable to stop myself I laughed as I lay on her bed.

"Yes?"

She spun around, grabbing her throat in shock.

"Oh!" She breathed, sinking to the floor.

"I'm sorry." Attempting to conceal my amusement.

She appeared rather silly speaking to the trees. Her thoughts weren't far off the mark though, as it was a mere night ago, I was perched in one of those trees stalking her.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

Sitting up humanly, as not to startle her again.

Reaching out I grabbed her under her arms lifting her to the bed beside me.

"Why don't you sit with me," I suggested, placing my cold hand on top of hers. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me –I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

Laughing at this statement. So she had noticed I was listening to her heart during our hike. Noticing more than she was letting on.

I wondered what else she knew?

Sitting in silence, enjoying the sound of her heart slowing. I contemplated what she was feeling. An amazing sound –her heart –left me longing to hear it beating for an eternity.

She was becoming warmer and her blood flowed rapidly. Even with my cold hand in hers she was still getting hotter. Her feelings were on display with the differences in her body temperatures.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" She asked.

"Certainly." Waving my hand to urge her on her way.

"Stay." She said.

"Yes, ma'am." Sitting still as a statue on the edge of her bed.

She leaped up clutching her pajamas… a bag off the desk… and departed the room, closing the door behind her.

Proceeding to examine her room, initially, I peered at the pile of books adjacent to her bed… entirely classics, as I assumed. After that, it was on to her CD collection –she did have Debussy –believing she merely said that to be kind.

Taking my seat back on her bed I waited. Hearing the shower run, I knew she would be awhile.

Being here, with her permission, was astounding and much more preferable. Having her want me here was mind-boggling. The fact she was not frightened of me… that she hadn't believed I was a monster… was even more remarkable. Encouraging me to remain for as long as she allowed.

Not remembering exactly what they were like, I was certain this was better than any dream I'd ever had.

Bella appeared in the doorway, turning, she closed the door tight behind her. She turned to look at me, returning her gaze I looked her up and down, observing her wet hair. "Nice." I said raising an eyebrow.

She frowned.

"No, it looks good on you."

She always looked great, and I wouldn't have thought it possible, but she looked better. With her hair soaking wet and her natural fragrance swirling around the room, my throat burst into flames, and my other urges were peaked.

Taking a deep breath through my nose I allowed her scent to assault me.

"Thanks," she whispered. She came to sit beside me crossing her legs, and staring at the floor.

"What was that for?"

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh," Considering that. "Why?" Previously knowing.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

"You look very warm, actually."

Bending my face slowly to hers, resting my cool cheek against hers. She held perfectly still. She was extremely warm and I took such pleasure in being this close.

"Mmmm…," I breathed.

I loved being close to her… to be this close… and to be capable of controlling myself. My throat burned with a dry ache, my stomach twisted with hunger, but none of that was as strong as the warmth that coursed threw my body. That warmth overpowered all of my other instincts.

"It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" I murmured.

Pressing my nose lightly against her jaw, brushing her wet hair back with my hand I moved my lips to the hollow beneath her ear.

Her scent washed over me, swirling around my head, making me insane with needs… wants… desires. Desires so strong it seemed impossible to resist.

"Much, much easier," she said exhaling.

"Hmm."

Brushing my cold skin against her warm body sent electricity coursing threw my veins. Running threw me, making me fell alive, awakening things in me that had been sleeping for a long time.

Thoughts rang threw my mind, thoughts of touching her, holding her closer. Wanting her warm body pressed tightly to mine, aching… a different ache, this ache was to press my lips against hers.

"So I was wondering…" She began.

My fingers traced her collarbone, my breathing gasped unevenly, as did hers. Her heart was pounding so loud I was certain it would break her chest.

The need to be closer was filling my mind.

"Yes?" I breathed.

"Why is that?" Her voice was shaking, embarrassed, "do you think?"

Trembling as I laughed. "Mind over Matter."

She abruptly pulled back, and I froze. We stared at each other for a moment, relaxing I became puzzled.

Did I hurt her? Was she scared?

"Did I do something wrong?"

Concern spread threw me as her breathing and heartbeat were stabilizing.

"No –the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she explained.

If this were driving her crazy, then I had gone absolutely mad. She couldn't feel what I had, it would simply break her fragile little body. But she did have some strong feelings about what was happening.

This placed a brilliant smile on my face… "Really?"

"Would you like a round of applause?" she said sarcastically.

I grinned. Imagining that she wasn't repulsed by my cold touch, that being with her this way hadn't scared her, to know she enjoyed this as much as I had … there were no words for my feelings… no words strong enough.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I clarified. "In the last hundred years or so," I was teasing, "I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…"

"Your good at everything," she pointed out.

I shrugged and we both laughed.

"But how can it be so easy now?" she pressed. "This afternoon…"

Constantly battling my senses, this was far more complicated then she realized. With her scent so tempting, the constant yearning to touch her –not always in a decent way –being very attentive to every movement. After the depths of those desires, there were also my other hungers –the darker ones –the ones that could threaten her very existence.

This was far more complicated then she would ever know.

"It's not _easy_," I sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," she disagreed.

There must be a God, if she could forgive me, for not knowing whether or not I wanted to kill her.

Who could forgive that –accept an angel? And, an angel she was. My angel sent straight from God to obviously the wrong person and I wanted her eternally.

"Thank you." I smiled. "You see," I continued, " I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" Picking up one of her hands I pressed it lightly to my face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome" –I breathed at her wrist- "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…" I couldn't finish, I didn't know how to, or what to say.

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling showing my teeth.

Deciding somewhere on this –the most significant day of my existence –that I would remain with her, maintaining her safety. She would remain exactly as she was, I had decided.

"Wow, that was easy," she said.

"Easy for_ you_!" I said, touching her nose with my fingertip.

And then I got serious.

Easy –this was anything but easy. I'm fighting ever second I'm with her. Fighting every urge… every instinct… the burn in my throat… my thirst… fighting for control. Not to mention watching every move I make; to make certain I didn't hurt her accidentally.

"I'm trying," I whispered. "If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

She scowled. She hadn't realized –even after everything I had revealed to her today –the importance of my leaving, if necessary.

How could she truly understand? Unless you were one of us you couldn't possibly comprehend.

"And it will be harder tomorrow," I continued. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away then," she responded.

It would definitely be easier for me, yes, but could I really do that? Not leave, and what about the next day… and the next… was I supposed to stay forever? An offer I was ready to accept, but for her it was an off the cuff remark, she didn't realize what she was saying.

"That suits me," I replied, smiling. "Bring on the shackles –I'm your prisoner." Forming manacles around her wrist I laughed quietly. Remaining here forever would be fine by me, but would that really be unacceptable?

"You seem more… optimistic than usual," she observed. "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

She had definitely changed me, from the belligerent old man I use to be, to the love crazed teenager I've always repulsed. Becoming as bad as the human boys at school that I detested.

This love or obsession, which ever it was, had certainly taken over my existence, nothing else matter now, except for her.

How human I was acting.

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

Isn't that the understatement of the decade?

Forceful was a good word for it.

Certainly forced to remain… forced to endure this constant burning. But, I loved it… being forced to be with her… being forced to never leave. How could I not love that, the suffering brings pleasurable rewards. If she were involved, forcing me into anything would be an honor.

"For example" –I talked faster now- "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I grimaced. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

She nodded, remembering the day for a different reason.

Just the mention of his name sparked the rage inside. To picture him fawning over her made my head spin. The number of times he would move to close to her, touch her hair or her arm, made me insane with anger.

"The day you started talking to me again." She remembered.

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt –I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried_ not to care."

Honestly, attempting not to pay attention, not to care, it was thrown in my face everyday. Everyday, sitting beside her in Biology having to endure Mike Newton's attempts to get her to say yes, was excruciating. Having to tolerate his vulgar thoughts and fantasies of Bella, and do nothing.

"And then the line started forming," I chuckled.

As more and more human boys began to ask her out, I became outraged. Having to endure this time and time again, never being able to say or do anything about these insignificant human boys.

Ignoring her, I was attempting to give her a 'normal life'. If she had said yes to any one of them, it would have been over. Everything would have been revealed right then and there –this I was certain of –I had no tolerance for that.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure."

She appeared annoyed at each offering, which gave me such pleasure and relief. Knowing, I shouldn't have been so pleased by her responses, I was the worst kind of creature, a monster through and through, elated by her reactions.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry."

Just the very thought of her saying yes to Mike Newton could send my body into full on war. War with a child that had no idea what he was battling. It was hardly fair of me, but with his rude thoughts and constant attempts to get her to say yes, he was easy pickings.

"And then," I whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I was silent for a moment listening to the pounding of her heart.

"But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" Shaking my head angrily.

Flashing to the days in Biology, when I wanted to backhand him across the room into the far wall. Or how I wanted to crush his skull in my hands.

Of course, I was unwilling to disclose this to her.

Did she really need to know?

Thinking back now, knowing what I know, I almost feel bad for poor Mike Newton… he never stood a chance.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she groaned.

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

Thinking of how complex it was to be a vampire, I was starting to learn that being human was even more complicated. All of my emotions in the last eighty-years have been mild and pretty much selfish, nothing too complicated.

What to eat? Where to go? What new things to learn?

Now everything is about Bella. How is she? What she's thinking? And the worry, the constant concern never stops.

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," she teased, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie_ –was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

Rosalie? How utterly ridiculous to be jealous of Rosalie.

Feeling bad for Rosalie, now, after her sudden outburst a couple of days ago, comprehending what she must have felt.

Jealousy was uncontrollable and an unwilling feeling.

"There's no competition." Smiling, showing my teeth I drew her arms around my back pulling her to my chest.

"I know there's no competition," she murmured. "That's the problem."

For her to be jealous of Rosalie, of all people was kind of… insulting. Rosalie was the farthest from what I desired. She couldn't hold a candle to Bella. Couldn't even be the flame.

"Of course Rosalie _is_ beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." Turning serious. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"Your right," Agreeing with amusement. "I should make this harder for you definitely." I freed one of my hands, releasing one of her wrists, and gathering it carefully into my other hand. Stroking her wet hair, from the top of her head to her waist. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?"

"Very little –I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." My voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.

She tried to pull away, but my hands locked her wrists in a strong hold.

"What…" She started to ask.

Hearing Charlie on his way, as he was turning out all the lights and locking the door. He was beginning his rise up the stairs.

My body became alert… Bella froze… quickly releasing her hands I disappeared. I'd almost forgot to inform her.

"Lie down!" I hissed.

Bella rolled under her quilt, balling up on her side. The door cracked open and Charlie peeked his head in to make sure she was, were she was supposed to be.

After a long pause, I was back on the bed with my arm around her under the covers, and my lips at her ear.

Happy that Charlie hadn't appear to have the same problem with his brain, as his daughter. Hearing most of his thoughts, made this a lot easier. There's no reason for him to catch me here with his daughter.

"You're a terrible actress –I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," she muttered.

Her heart beat so fast in her chest as if it were attempting to escape.

Humming a melody to her, attempting to get her to relax, she needed her sleep. My presence here was keeping her awake, if not for me, she'd be sleeping by now.

I paused. "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," she laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

Upsetting to me, if she refused to sleep I would have to leave. Of course, I would return once she fell asleep, and if my presence here made her unable to sleep, I couldn't tolerate that.

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't _know_ you were here," she replied coldly, catching her breath.

"So if you don't want to sleep…?" I suggested, ignoring her tone.

"If I don't want to sleep…?" She questioned.

I chuckled. "What do you want to do then?"

She had no response.

"I'm not sure," she finally said.

"Tell me when you decide."

Fascinated by her scent I ran my nose along her jaw. Could I possibly remain this way forever?

Her scent was certainly mouthwatering, but in a different way now. Bringing with it different desires, different urges.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciated the bouquet," I whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia," I noted. "It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody_ telling me how edible I smell."

I chuckled and then sighed.

She smelled so appealing all of my hungers were aching. Pressing my lips to the hollow of her ear I took a deep breath threw my nose.

"I've decided what I want to do," she told me. "I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

There was nothing I wouldn't tell her, no more secrets when it came to Bella. She would have to be aware of everything from this point on.

She paused. "Why do you do it?" she asked. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… _are_. Please don't misunderstand me, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

Thinking about this before answering. How do I put this? Explain this properly? "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others –the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot –they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above –to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

Describing it as best as I could, part of me believed that murder was wrong for any reason, that being what I am is no excuse. It always felt very wrong.

She lay so motionless… I thought she fell asleep.

"Did you fall asleep?" I whispered after a few minutes.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

Questions still lingering her mind, I felt as if I had already said enough. If she needed to hear more I would oblige. She only needed to ask.

"Why can you read minds –why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?"

I shrugged. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified- like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him –calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

Bella was quiet, sparking my curiosity about what she was thinking. She didn't speak and was extremely still. With the assortment of information handed down to her, she ought to have some type of reaction, but if she did, she showed no indication of it. Being glad I didn't know, I was uncertain if I could bear it.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator or prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight –I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." I laughed brushing my lips against her hair.

Her scent was overwhelming making it hard to keep my composure. In all the times I'd imagined lying in this bed with her, realty was far superior.

Sleep… the bed was used for sleep… I must insist she sleep.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked, distracting myself. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

She didn't need to ask all the questions in one night we had plenty of time for answers. Just in her lifetime, we'd would have at least another seventy-years, I hoped.

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I reminded her.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" she asked. "You are mythical, after all?"

Mythical, I was called many things in my time, but never mythical. That sounded miraculous and magical, far from what I was. I don't think my victims, or even their victims, would think I was mythical.

"I won't leave you." I promised.

"One more, then, tonight…" she said.

She was beginning to feel very warm, sparking my curiosity.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

Her breathing had become heavier and her heartbeat sped up.

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

She didn't answer… I groaned.

Embarrassed to ask, what could she possibly want to know?

What question would be off limits?

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please."

What kind of question, could there be that was worse then any she had already asked?

If I could only read her mind, I could see how silly she was being.

She shook her head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," I accused. "Please?"

"Well," she began and paused.

Her temperature definitely rose a degree or two, and her heart was fluttering.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

I laughed understanding. "Is that what you're getting at?" This is what she was afraid to ask? It was rather humorous if you ask me… marriage among our kind.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I said. "I told you, most of the human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was all she said.

Perhaps perceiving that there were additional issues she considered. It had to be more than just marriage among our kind. This couldn't possibly be what embarrassed her so.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

"Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday…"

Shock instantly washed over me. Not being capable of reading her mind –I knew the direction this was headed.

I froze –what could I reveal about this?

There was… under no circumstance… the possibility of this occurring. Apparently, I didn't communicate myself properly. Bella needed to understand our differences, clearly, before we could continue. How would I clarify this?

"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us."

"Because if would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." Speaking softly, I moved my hand to her cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly _breakable_ you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She didn't respond. I was growing anxious contemplating what she was thinking. What scared her, the thought of being that close with me or the thought of never being that close with me? Or the possibility that I could hurt her, simply by touching her?

"Are you scared?" I had to ask.

She waited a minute to answer. "No, I'm fine."

Realizing she was not being honest, could I blame her? This was awkward to say –it must be challenging to hear.

Suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps she had relations similar to this previously. Requesting this because she subsequently had prior experience. She couldn't want this for us, after everything that had been revealed.

"I'm curious now, though," I said. "Have _you_ ever…?" I couldn't continue… not certain I would be fond of the answer.

"Of course not." She said confused. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I said satisfied.

Relief washed over me, not to say I would feel any different towards her, if that were not the case. Nevertheless, it was nice to realize we thought the same way on this subject.

"Your human instincts…" she began. I waited. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

Laughing I rumbled her hair.

How could she not comprehend this already? Had I not articulated myself perfectly clear regarding this?

Human desires were definitely coming back and they were growing stronger by the minute. "I may not be human, but I am a man," I assured her.

She yawned.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

I may have to go if she insists on remaining awake.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" she insisted.

I laughed, and then hummed the lullaby I was previously. Bella ultimately fell asleep. She was so captivating to me. And the amazing thing was that she appeared just as captivated by me, too.

Being right in the beginning, how could this possibly work? We couldn't even be together properly? Not in the way people who loved each other could be. And what if she wanted that someday? How would I handle that? Would I be able to set her free?

And what about children, surely she would want some of them?

With her asleep and everything peaceful, I finally had an opportunity to muse over the events of the day. It was extremely difficult to consider this relationship –unethical as it may be –being suitable. How could it be?

With all of these unanswered questions.

Having read a lot of books and seen pictures and plays on love; I never understood the complexity it possessed, as I do currently. Continually assuming humans were overstating how complicated and confusing love was. Assuming when you love someone, truly loved someone, nothing would ever alter that. How mistaken I was, there was a great deal more to consider.

I by no means, understood how much Bella would factor into this. I have, for the most part of my existence, been a pretty selfish creature. Never having to be concerned with someone else's state of mind. Currently that's all I worry about –she is the most important thing now –what happens to her or how she feels takes precedence over everything else.

"I love you Edward!" she mumbled.

She does love me, as I do her.

Until this moment, she had never actually said it. It took me by surprise hearing the words. However, she was asleep and I'm not certain that counts, since I couldn't hear the exact context of the meaning behind the words. She could be dreaming that I did something for her, and that was her way of showing appreciation.

Then again, she might be uttering that in passing, similar to the way you would express to any friend. I'll have to manage to bring this up in conversation, when she was awake, to know for certain.

On the other hand, did I yearn for her to love me?

Making things more complicated. Did I wish to realize the truth? Perhaps, this would make me reconsider our relationship. I'm no good for her; that remained the only detail I was certain of.

Dawn approached to swiftly, I had a great deal left to consider, although I would have to depart for a period. Being determined to take Bella home to be introduced to my family today. If we remained together, than I required everything to be in the open, which meant her being acquainted with my family.

And, I would also arrange a meeting with Charlie, formally.

Running home, I doubted if this was an acceptable thing to carry out. Ultimately, I choose to stop obsessing over the whole lot, and allow what happens, to happen.

Arriving home I walked in the front door. Though it was early, I appealed for everyone to gather around our oval table, where we often had meetings. I knew they wouldn't be offended after I informed them what I desired.

Everyone filed in and took their seats.

"Thank you all for answering my request of your presence." I began.

Looking at Alice who had a huge smile spread across her face.

_I'm finally going to get to talk to Bella._ She alleged in her head.

"Slow down." Answering quickly.

"I would like to ask everyone's permission to bring Bella over and meet all of you!" I said flat out.

"I think that's a wonderful idea!" Esme beamed.

"Well I don't!" Rosalie hissed.

"Please Rosalie, I would prefer that you be present too. However if you don't believe you will be able to, then that's acceptable." I pleaded.

"If this is what you desire Edward, then we will respect your wishes, and I'm delighted for you." Carlisle offered.

"Thank you, this is my wish, I would love for my family to be acquainted with her, and for her to be comfortable with all of you. Am I requesting too much of you?" I questioned.

"No Edward! We would be delighted to allow her here." Esme exclaimed.

"Are you certain she wants to meet us?" Emmett questioned.

"I haven't invited her, yet. I needed to be convinced this would not be a problem for any of you initially." I responded, finishing with a glance at Japer, our weakest link.

"I'm certain I'm able to control myself if I maintain a distance." Jasper said.

"I'm positive he's able to. He's not as weak as you believe he is Edward!" Alice intercepted.

"That's not what I meant Alice." I scorned her.

"I know, nevertheless, he'll be fine, I promise." She promised.

"Well then it's settled, bring her by today and we'll all be on our best behavior, we promise Edward." Esme said.

"Thank you all. I'd better get back before she wakes. Thank you again, I know this is difficult." I admitted.

"Not half as challenging as it is for you, son." Carlisle added.

Turning to head upstairs, I glanced back and considered what a magnificent family I truly had. With the exception of Rosalie, everyone appeared quite excited about being introduced to Bella. This was so much more than I should be allowed to ask of them. I strolled favorable toward my room and changed into fresh clothes, so I could journey back to Bella's.

"Alice, I know your lingering in the hall, what's up?" I asked.

_Edward! Your future keeps twisting and turning. It's hard to keep up with it… it's all a tad bit hazy at this point. But I did see something that concerned me! _She stated.

She doesn't see when I'm about to slaughter a room full of innocent children. But a small conversation about sex… an innocent conversation… she comes running.

No privacy, I'm beginning to know how everyone around me feels. And I don't like it. Having always been a pretty private person, there really hasn't been much I had to hide from my family, until now.

"What is it Alice?" Asking innocently enough, she walked slowly through the door.

"Well! It's a bit uncomfortable to talk about. And I know you'll be mad that I saw this. But… I feel the need… to warn you."

"Alice! Enough! I know what you're taking about." I was angry.

"But Edward! I saw it! And you can't be thinking… can you_._"

"No Alice, I'm not thinking of doing anything."

"Edward! What can I tell you? What do you need to hear?" She pleaded.

"Nothing, there's nothing you can say."

"Maybe, you should talk to Carlisle. Perhaps, he can help_._"

"I'm not talking to anyone. I'm not going to do anything Alice. It was just a conversation we had and I set her straight on the subject. So please stop worrying." I pleaded with her.

"Alright, but if you want to discuss anything… I'm here_._"

"I know you are and I appreciate that. Try not to worry too much it's going to be fine. I'm in control." I said reassuring.

"You're always in control, you might want to loosen up and have some fun for a change. Got to go. See you later_._"

"Bye."

Arriving back at Bella's house I didn't want to wake her, so I obtained my customary seat in her rocking chair. Scrutinizing her as she slept, I questioned what she might say to my invitation.

Did I really want to expose her to an inquisition by my family?

I've never brought someone home before –let alone a human –to know what would occur. Uncertain of their reactions… or what would be said… I was quite certain they would make her feel welcome… with the exception of Rosalie, of course. I was certain they would love her… as I do.


	4. Chapter 16

FAMILY

Bella began to wake up from her slumber.

I was becoming particularly intense about my impending invitation. What if she said no? Exposing myself –for her to utterly devastate me –terrified me. Almost feeling sympathy for Mike Newton, for possessing sufficient courage to invite her out, merely to be let down. It was still frustrating not realizing what her answer could be. If I only had someway, a slight hint, as to what she might say. Knowing her level of curiosity, I was seventy-five percent sure, she might say yes. But then again, she rarely did what I expected her to.

"Oh!" she said looking confused and disappointed.

"Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it." I said.

"Edward! You stayed!" She rejoiced.

She bound across the room and leaped into my lap, I was pleased with her enthusiasm, as she appeared disappointed initially. Delighted she was happy to see me, as I was thrilled to be here. Although, this wasn't helping with my impending question, there was still no indication of her response.

"Of course," I answered, startled.

My hands rubbed her back. It was gratifying having her wake to my awaiting arms –longing to do this every morning. She positioned her head against my shoulder and took a couple of deep breaths. The extreme pleasure of this moment washed away all of my anxieties. I was delighted to be here, in her room, with her enthusiasm growing.

"I was sure it was a dream."

"Your not that creative," I scoffed.

After hearing her theories I could be sure.

"Charlie!" She remembered, jumping up and heading to the door.

"He left an hour ago –after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?"

He had several other tactics to keep her home, which amused me. He was far more creative than her. I rather liked the bars on the windows and doors, as if that would work. Although, I did understand his concern for her… he loved her. He wanted to keep her safe… as I did. He really need not worry for I was required to do anything to keep her safe. This became my life now… keeping her safe.

She stood looking back and forth between the door and me.

"You're not usually this confused in the morning," I noted.

Holding my arms open for her to return. Unable to understand what was wrong with her, she usually followed a routine in the morning. Did she really believe I would not be here?

"I need another human minute," she admitted.

"I'll wait."

Another mental note, humans need a little time when they first wake. I'm uncertain as to why, but I would put it on my list anyway.

As I waited for her to return, anxiety spreading within, the question still loomed. Why was this so difficult? How could I not want to ask her?

She returned and my arms stretched out to her without hesitation.

"Welcome back," I murmured, compelling her into my arms. Her heart was pounding as it did whenever I was touching her.

I rocked her for a moment in silence.

"You left?" She accused, touching the collar of my shirt.

She noticed; she was considerably more observant than I'd given her credit for. There was no hiding anything from her… she saw every little thing, with one exception, she didn't see herself clearly. She didn't see herself… as I saw her.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in- what would the neighbors think?"

Dishonesty was a specialty of our kind. We relied on it, and happened to be proficient at it. And, I couldn't reveal the truth to her, without asking the question that was looming in my mind. So I lied again, such a coward I am.

She pouted.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything." My eyes beamed. "The talking came earlier."

She groaned. "What did you hear?"

"You said you loved me." I said very softly.

She did say she loved me and I desperately needed to hear the meaning behind it. Was it something she meant or was it what I wanted to hear. Evil I was, requiring her to reveal how she felt, when I hadn't. Evil, because there was so much more she had spoken, but I dwelled on this one word. Evil, because I was such a coward.

"You knew that already," she reminded me, ducking her head.

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

She hid her face against my shoulder.

"I love you," she whispered.

Those were the words I was terrified to hear –the words I'd die to hear- finally hearing them out loud and in their proper context was… excruciating. Painful to hear… and painful not to hear. The complexity was overwhelming.

What would I do from this moment on? Knowing the truth- it was out there- finally spoken and by her while she was awake.

Feeling the same way, I knew this wasn't honorable, to allow this continue for as long as I had. But what was my alternative, to even think of leaving… of never seeing her again… to go away forever, I couldn't bare the thought.

Not at this moment.

"You are my life now," I answered.

I was such a coward, a truly immoral creature. For me, to force her to admit she loved me, and not being able to return the words… was completely evil.

I was certainly burning in hell for all the mistakes I was making. And yet, I didn't care, as long as I had my time with Bella, I would spend the rest of my existence in bliss, no matter where I was.

There was nothing further to disclose for the moment.

Rocking us back and forth the room grew lighter.

She did mean it, loving me considering everything.

Quite certain, she would accept my invitation, nevertheless, too afraid to ask. How is it, that I was scared of a tiny, fragile, human girl? Not that she could harm me, but she could wound me, deeper than I've ever been injured.

"Breakfast time," I announced, happy with myself for remembering she needed to eat.

She threw her hands around her throat and stared at me with wide eyes, an attempt to be amusing. Shocked that she would –in spite of everything –tease about that. She had to take my hunting activities more seriously, not understanding their true meaning, she still reacted all wrong.

"Kidding!" She snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!"

"That wasn't funny." I said disgusted.

How could she make a joke of this, this was no joking matter. The subject of my eating habits was difficult enough… she didn't need to treat it so casually… this was hardly a casual subject.

Providing me several excuses for me to remain and protect her, what with her being seemingly unstable.

"It was very funny, and you know it." She exclaimed.

"Shall I rephrase?" I asked. "Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay."

Throwing her over my shoulder, gently, she protested as I carried her down the stairs. Miraculous, how casual I am with her and she with me. We reached the kitchen and I set her down in a chair. We had all the appearance of normal couple, prompting me to believe this could work and we could be together.

"What's for breakfast?" She asked pleasantly.

Hmmm… having no idea, I remained bewildered.

I, by no means, paid attention to humans diets before… ever. Crushing the idea of representing a normal couple. A normal man would know what to prepare for breakfast. A normal man would've already had it prepared.

"Err, I'm not sure. What would you like?" Puckering my eyebrows.

She grinned, hopping up.

"That's alright, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt."

Sitting in the chair I watched her go to work. She found a box, which she poured whatever was in it, into a bowl, she added milk and grabbed a spoon. She took a seat at the table and then paused, asking me if I would like anything.

Rolling my eyes I instructed her to eat.

Unable to help gazing at her, I analyzed her as she ate.

This was perfection as I saw it, her and I, at the breakfast table. Appearing so natural… so normal… so human. But I was not human, and I would never be human again. What I would give at this moment if that were possible… to be human again.

"What's on the agenda for today?" She asked.

Pulling me from my thoughts.

Wondering when this would possibly come up, I suppose, it's now or never.

How do I address this? What might I articulate? Why was I so nervous, the worst she could do was say no?

Well, actually this could be where the running and screaming may come in.

"Hmmm…" I hesitated. "What would you say to meeting my family?"

She gulped.

"Are you afraid now?" I was hopeful.

"Yes," she admitted.

Finally a rational response, perhaps she was stable, after all. Already putting on my list of qualities, no sense of self- preservation. It should scare her to meet an entire house of vampires.

But I wouldn't let anything happen to her, I was certain of this.

"Don't worry." I smirked. "I'll protect you."

"I'm not afraid of _them_," she explained. "I'm afraid they won't… like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me… home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

She was unstable, once again reinforcing my thought of getting her the best doctor's possible. Putting –no sense of self-preservation –back on my list of qualities.

What was I going to do with her?

Her only normal human reaction was to fit in with vampires, she truly was insane.

Even though she was not afraid to meet my family, I was afraid to bring her home. Not knowing what to expect from them, since I'd never brought anyone home before, not one non-human, or human.

"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know" –I smiled, still angry- "on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

Having paid attention to everything I've told her, shouldn't she be a little afraid… I would. Walking into a house full of vampires who had to watch every move they made around her, not to mention the temptations they face, should horrify her?

What was wrong with this girl, that her only worry was whether they would accept her?

"You paid attention," I smiled.

"I've been known to do that every now and then." She grimaced. "So did Alice see me coming?"

Uncertain how to answer, I was unwilling to discuss this with her. Bella couldn't know what Alice saw for her future. This future –according to Alice –could in no way occur, doing everything in my power to make certain of that.

"Something like that," Turning away, so she couldn't see my eyes.

Needing a subject change, Bella was far too inquisitive, to continue talking about Alice. Discussing this no further…. I didn't want to lie to her… I had already lied too much. She was my world now, protecting her became an obligation, and this subject was fraught with recklessness.

"Is that any good?" I asked, turning back to her abruptly and eyeing her breakfast. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she murmured.

Standing up in the middle of the kitchen I stared out the back window. Deliberating my new demand on her, insisting she inform Charlie about me. Not everything, of course, but at the very least that I was her 'boyfriend'. Appearing reluctant to inform Charlie about anything in her life, I was certain she would try to evade this, too.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think."

"He already knows you," She reminded me.

Of course he knows me, everyone in town knows us, and she was attempting to avoid the subject.

Knowing this would be the case, pressing the issue was in order.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

"Why?"

"Isn't that customary?" I asked.

Uncertain of how to court someone, as I had never done that, but I was sure, meeting each other's kin was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Wanting to introduce her to my family, why did she not feel the same about Charlie and I?

What was the real reason behind her reluctance?

"I don't know," she admitted. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to… I mean; you don't have to pretend for me."

"I'm not pretending." I smiled.

Being unresponsive, instead she sat playing with her breakfast.

Why did she not want to tell Charlie? It was a rather simple request. Was she embarrassed of me? If she intended to be with me, she would have to come clean with Charlie. And this would have to happen before long.

Angry I pushed the issue harder. "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I demanded.

"Is that what you are?" She asked.

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit."

This hardly seemed appropriate, 'boyfriend', but to the outside world it would have to be enough. Knowing human nature, as well as I did, they would never understand, or grasp what she was to me. How could anyone, I was unable to get a handle on it myself.

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she confessed.

There it was. Embarrassment was not her problem –she was unable to describe our relationship. Being the identical problem I was undergoing, girlfriend and boyfriend didn't seem nearly appropriate enough.

Lovers was inaccurate, too.

Soul mates, well since I have no soul, that couldn't be the case, either.

So what were we… to put simple words to it… we were Bella and Edward.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details. Reaching across the table I lifted her chin. "But he will need some sort of explanation for why I'm hanging around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order on me."

"Will you be?" She asked anxiously. "Will you really be here?"

"As long as you want me," I assured her.

That was the truth that I could bestow her. Remaining here, for as long as she wanted me. As long as she was alive and desired me, I would stay.

Shuddering at the thought of her dying, knowing that someday she would, I preferred not imagining that.

"I'll always want you," She warned. "Forever."

Walking slowly around the table, I couldn't fathom that she would want me forever. Coping with this was difficult, not entirely convinced she should feel this way, weren't my intentions for her to acquire a 'normal life'?

Although, taking extreme pleasure in the thought, it also made me melancholy.

"Does that make you sad?" she asked.

Refusing to answer… I glazed into her eyes. Yes it made me dishearten, but it made me elated too. How do you relate that to Bella?

There existed no words to express the complexity of my position here.

"Are you finished?" I finally asked.

She jumped up. "Yes."

"Get dressed- I'll wait here."

Bella went back up stairs.

Remaining in the kitchen, I contemplated what I was about to do. Bringing her home to my family, this was enormous. There was no turning back from this, not that I could, even if I planned to.

She had altered me completely. Reckoning it was to late to amend my mind, my strength wasn't nearly enough to leave, yet.

Not intending to change her, and I was unable to become human, how could this conceivably work? Where was all this leading? What could I possibly expect to occur from this?

I would create concessions as long as Bella was happy, for now.

"Okay." She said. "I'm decent."

Bella bounced down the stairs, which distracted me from my thoughts.

Running to her immediately, she bounced right into me. Holding her at a distance, I studied her for a moment, pulling her closer to me. Being as cold as I was, admiring her appearance made me melt.

"Wrong again," I murmured in her ear. "You are utterly indecent- no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

She did look tempting, I was tempted, tempted to forget my family and runaway with her. Not wanting to share her with anyone, I wanted to be alone with her, to hold her tightly in my arms, pressing my lips to hers, touch her soft, warm skin…

"Tempting how?" She asked. "I can change…"

I sighed, shaking my head. "You are _so_ absurd." Pressing my lips delicately to her forehead.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I said.

My fingers traced the line down her spine and I started to breath too quickly. Tilting my head slowly, I touched my lips to hers for the second time, very carefully, parting them slightly.

To be capable of holding her this way, to be able to kiss her was amazing. I would have loved to remain this way forever. She was so soft and warm; touching her warm body with my cold hands gave me such a spine-tingling sensation.

Our lips moved perfectly synchronized.

My breathing was ragged as I pressed her closer to me… I needed to be as close to her as possible…

And then she collapsed.

"Bella?" Alarmed I caught her before she hit the ground.

What had I done? What keeps occurring to this girl?

"You… made… me… faint," she accused.

"_What am I going to do with you_?" I breathed. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

Until now, I was concerned about my own control, my own urges, and restraining myself. Apparently, I ought to have been more concerned with Bella and what might possibly happen to her. Not wanting her to get injured, and yet, I couldn't understand what was happening to her.

She laughed weakly as I supported her… she was still dizzy.

"So much for being good at everything," I sighed.

"That's the problem." Still dizzy. "You're _too_ good. Far, far too good."

"Do you feel sick?" I asked

The memory of the cold medication on her nightstand flashed through my mind. Maybe she was sick and not letting on. There had to be something seriously wrong with her, for humans didn't just faint for no reason at all.

"No – that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened," insisting she was fine. "I think I forgot to breathe."

"I can't take you anywhere like this."

She forgot to breath, how could this be? Humans relied on breathing to stay alive; it is part of their essential make up. They had to breath… she forgot… I wouldn't think it was something you had to remember, assuming it came naturally. This didn't make sense to me, but we were speaking of Bella, who never responded properly.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?"

Gazing at her for a moment. "I'm very partial to that color with you skin," I offered casually.

She looked appealing, insatiable, and extremely lovely and it was hard for me to concentrate, being so close to her.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" She asked.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

Proving to me once more that she didn't respond appropriately. She didn't even seem afraid of what they would do, or how they would behave. None of this concerned her either –her only worry was their acceptance of her.

"That's right," she answered immediately.

Shaking my head. "You're incredible."

There was no argument this time, arranging who would drive. She strolled directly to the passenger side, and I to the drivers side, like we had done this a million times. Funny how casual we seemed now, driving through town not caring who happen to notice us.

Anticipating what we were about to walk into, I was growing increasingly nervous. Bringing someone home for the first time, and to make things worse she happened to be human.

How would everyone react to her? What was I thinking?

My family were such wonderful people, and with the exception of Rosalie, were enthused about meeting Bella. Esme and Carlisle were definitely the head of the household. But that was as far as that went. Any decisions to be made were done by vote, majority ruled. Since we were all older there were no discipline problems. Other than that, we all did pretty much whatever we wanted to.

With doubts lingering, it was too late to turn around now.

How could I do this to Bella?

She couldn't realize what this would do to my family. Although we are around humans all day at school, somehow this seemed different. Direct contact was an entirely different story. So much harder to cope with in the comfort of our own home.

I was right all along… I was a monster. Only a monster would do this to their family and girlfriend. Who was I to ask them to endure such difficult circumstances? Wasn't engaging with humans all day in school hard enough… did I really need to tow one home with me?

Glancing at Bella as she watched out the window. I was certain she was wondering what she was about to face. Was she was having second thoughts, if she was, she wasn't showing it. She actually looked curious, probably wondering where I was taking her through this forest.

Forgetting to mention that we lived out of town.

We lived in the middle of the forest, far away from anyone else. For obvious reasons having neighbors near by wasn't ideal. Remaining away from them, we also wanted them to stay away from us to. Being easier to hide from people when they weren't under foot.

Esme did some socializing, to appeal to her own needs of feeling normal. And Carlisle being a doctor –had certain responsibilities he had to fulfill. The rest of us really had no use for humans –they held no interest for us. We were all a lot older than the students we were forced to go to school with. We certainly had nothing in common with any of them. We prefer to remain to ourselves.

Until now that is.

Since Bella walked into my world and turned it upside down. Now I would go anywhere… with anyone… if she asked me to.

Pulling up the long driveway, to our house, her expression gave away her anxiety. As we arrived at the house she seemed surprised by it's appearance. Uncertain what she expected to see, I'm certain she wasn't expecting it to look so normal.

"Wow."

"You like it?" I smiled.

"It… has a certain charm."

Laughing I pulled the end of her ponytail.

"Ready?" I asked, opening her door.

"Not even a little bit –let's go." She smirked.

She was nervously smoothing her hair.

"You look lovely." I took her hand gently, naturally.

Walking up to the porch I could feel her tension. Rubbing circles on the back of her hand with my thumb, attempting to put her at ease.

I opened the door for her and we walked through.

Inside I knew she was even more surprised by what she saw. Having an enormous house, we certainly weren't portraying average humans. Since, we couldn't indulge in all human activities, we indulged in the ones we could.

Carlisle and Esme were waiting there to greet us.

"Carlisle, Esme," I broke the silence, "this is Bella."

"You're very welcome, Bella." Carlisle carefully approached her, raising his hand to shake hers. Carlisle never concerned me –in his profession dealing with humans was nothing new, never seeming to bother him. He has a higher tolerance for humans then any of us do. With his years of practice I'm not sure he even notices their scent anymore.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle." She grinned at him.

Relieving me, this seemed to be going well. Esme smiled, stepping forward reaching for her hand. Esme wasn't a concern to me, either. She always seemed relaxed around humans, too.

"It's very nice to know you," she said sincerely.

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too." Bella said.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked.

"Hey Edward!" Alice called enthusiastically, appearing at the top of the stairs. She ran down the stairs, coming to an abrupt stop in front of Bella.

Carlisle and Esme shot her warning glance.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice said, bouncing forward to kiss her check.

Shocked coursed through me, knowing Alice was dying to meet her, I didn't think she would embarrass me this way. And for her to get so close, I'm not certain I approve of this. My selfish side wanted to put my arms around her, hold her, protectively against me. Knowing Alice well enough I really had nothing to fear from her.

"You do smell nice, I never noticed before," she commented.

Shocking and embarrassing everyone this time, I stiffened at Bella's side. This also created an awkward silence in the room.

Then, Jasper appeared, and the feeling of ease spread through the room, raising my eyebrow to him. Here remained my problem, the weakest of us, our alkalis heel, so to speak. Jasper was not the most controlled yet, he was still very new, and the risk was greater with him. Requiring me to watch and listen to him carefully.

Taking no chances when it came Bella.

"Hello, Bella," Jasper said, keeping his distance.

"Hello, Jasper." She smiled at him, then at the others. "It's nice to meet you all- you have a very beautiful home," she added.

"Thank you," Esme said. "We're so glad that you came." She spoke with feeling.

Carlisle began to speak to me so no one would hear.

_Emmett apologizes; Rosalie just couldn't be here for this. Don't worry Edward she'll come around, eventually. By the way, Alice sees that there are others coming. I didn't know if you would share this news with Bella._ Carlisle said

I just nodded once.

Bella glanced around the room, suddenly stopping at the grand piano. Not good, I knew what would come next. She would want to know who plays. Esme noticing this too, would most certainly make me play.

"Do you play?" she asked, nodding toward the piano.

"Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?" Bella asked.

"No," she laughed. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

Great more embarrassments. More she didn't know. With everything that had been revealed, it was simply astonishing, how much she still didn't know.

Assuming with the number of decades I've been around, I could hardly think of everything I've done, in one night.

"No." She glared at me. "I should have known, I guess."

Everyone peered at her.

"Edward can do everything, right?" Bella explained.

Esme raised her delicate eyebrows in confusion. Jasper snickered and Esme gave me a reproving look.

"I hope you haven't been showing off- it's rude," she scolded.

"Just a bit," I laughed.

That was it –she was going to make me play, using any excuse to hear me play. Actually having to suffer through another awkward moment.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella corrected.

"Well, play for her," Esme encouraged.

Esme behaved like a mother, like a true mother, with all the embarrassments to go along with it. Over the years, it was wonderful to have her, but don't children ever get to grow up, to do as they wish.

Apparently not, she would be around to make certain of this.

"You said showing off was rude," I objected.

"There are exceptions to every rule," she replied.

Knowing, I was not getting out of this, as she pushed me towards the piano, I pulled Bella along side me seating her on the bench beside me.

Giving her a long exasperated look before turning to the keys.

My fingers went right to work flowing across the keys. Loving the piano, the sounds it created, feeling liberated as the music poured out. Nothing mattered while I was playing, only thinking of the music.

Bella was surprised with my demonstration. Watching me intensely as my fingers swiftly crossed the keys. "Do you like it?"

"You wrote this?" Bella gasped, understanding.

I nodded. "It's Esme's favorite.

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. What was she thinking?

"What's wrong?"

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

Esme's favorite came to an end and I quickly began the lullaby I wrote for Bella.

_We'll leave you two alone now! _Carlisle said so Bella wouldn't hear.

_Thank you Edward, I'm pleased for you. _Esme said.

With that they were all gone.

"You inspired this one," I said.

She was my muse now, an inspiration for everything I do.

"They like you, you know," I said conversationally. "Esme especially."

Bella turned to look behind herself, but they were already gone.

"Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose."

She sighed. "They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…"

Rosalie was insufferable, pigheaded and just plan stubborn. She could hold a grudge longer than anyone of us. After her last outburst of thoughts, I was slightly more understanding of her situation.

Jealousy was one of those things that was almost uncontrollable.

_Almost_.

Frowning. "Don't worry about Rosalie," I said convincingly. "She'll come around.

"Emmett?" she asked.

"Well, he thinks I'm a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie."

Emmett was pleased I finally found Bella, although he couldn't quite understand the attachment to a human. It didn't matter to him, either way. Emmett was the most easy going of us all, the most fun –he remains a true big brother. Life would be boring without him around.

"What is it that upsets her?" She asked unsure.

I sighed deeply. "Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous."

"_Rosalie_ is jealous of_ me_?" She asked.

"You're human." I shrugged. "She wishes that she were, too."

Rosalie's choices would've been different. Probably, preferring to die, than become what she became. Desiring to be free, to pursue a life she could never have, that life would include children, something that was out of her reach.

"Oh," She muttered. "Even Jasper, though…"

"That's really my fault," I said. "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."

She shuddered at this statement.

Not taking risks when it came to Bella, certain she was safe at all times. Nothing could happen to her. Maybe I should've had a little more faith in my family, but being the first time she was here, I didn't trust anything.

"Esme and Carlisle…?" She continued.

"Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me… She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."

"Alice seems very… enthusiastic.'

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," I grimaced.

"And you're not going to explain that, are you?"

Silence filled the air.

My tolerance for Alice hadn't subsided, not yet. Alice knew too much to even attempt to explain any of it to Bella. Nevertheless, I couldn't conceive of her knowing any of that… not so soon.

"So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

She certainly doesn't miss a beat. "You noticed that, did you?"

She shrugged. "Of course.'

Is she sure she couldn't read minds? I mused. "He wanted to tell me some news- he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?"

"I have to, because I'm going to be a little… overbearingly protective over the next few days- or weeks- and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

Other Vampires in the same proximity as Bella… with her sweet scent. This couldn't be allowed, and if I couldn't stop it, then I wouldn't allow her to be alone… ever. As long as they were here, I would not leave her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

"Visitors?"

Visitors was a polite way of stating it, they were vampires, vampires who didn't share our philosophies.

As long as they were in our vicinity, I would remain at Bella's side.

"Yes… well, they aren't like us, of course- in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone."

She shivered.

"Finally, a rational response!" I murmured. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self- preservation at all."

Bella's eyes wandered around the room, I followed her gaze. "Not what you expected, is it?" I asked smugly.

I'm certain she wasn't expecting a regular, normal home –not that this was a normal home- but close enough. Carlisle was a Doctor after all, so some indulgences were expected.

"No," she admitted.

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you," I continued.

"It's so light… so open." she said.

"It's the one place we never have to hide."

The song I was playing drifted to an end. I noticed that her eyes had tears.

"Thank you," she murmured.

Touching the corner of her eye, where the tear had landed, I caught it with my finger. Examining it –it had been a long time since I'd seen tears. Tasting it, her scent lived up to everything I'd imagined it would, lusciously sweet.

The restrain I was showing even surprised myself.

Asking if she would like to see the rest of the house, I took her by the hand and lead her away from the piano. We walked up the staircase, down the hall, I pointed out everyone's room as we passed it.

She suddenly stopped at the end of the hall, and I knew what caught her attention immediately.

"You can laugh," I said. "It is sort of ironic."

She didn't laugh. Her hand raised, one finger extended, as if to touch the large wooden cross hanging on the wall.

What she must think of this?

A house full of dammed vampires with a holy cross on their wall.

"It must be very old," she guessed.

I shrugged. "Early sixteen- thirties, more or less."

She stared at it, stunned.

"Are you alright?" I asked worried.

"How old is Carlisle?" she asked.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty- second birthday." I said.

She stared at me. Here comes a million or two more questions.

An explanation was in order, finding out I was almost one hundred years old was one thing, but Carlisle being almost four hundred was a little more complicated.

"Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen- forties, he believes. Time wasn't accurately marked then, for common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, though."

Scrutinizing her expression, attempting to figure out how this sounded to her.

"He was the son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He lead hunts for witches, werewolves… and vampires."

Imagining the difficulties that Carlisle faced was impossible. First to hunt those you believe to be evil, only to become one of them. The conflicting feelings he must have suffered in his first years of being newborn.

"They burned a lot of innocent people- of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch."

"Since they couldn't find any real evil dwellers, they would have to resort to burning anyone who appeared evil. There were no shortages of so-called evil people in those days."

"When the pastor grew older, he placed his obedient son charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment, not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived."

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course" –I laughed briefly- "and waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged."

"He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle –he was twenty-three and very fast- was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the streets."

"Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned- anything infected by the monster would be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away form the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered."

"It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

I wondered how this all must sound to her. What she must be thinking of all this?

She had only known the human side of our kind, never hearing or witnessing the true violence and brutality of our kind. Our family, we're considerably more evolved then most.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm fine." She answered.

I smiled. "I expect you have a few more questions for me."

"A few."

Smiling wider I started down the hall, pulling her along by the hand. "Come on then," I encouraged. "I'll show you."

Figuring I should go right to the source, I lead her to Carlisle's office. What better way to explain Carlisle's life and none life than have him explain it himself. Knowing this wouldn't bother him, he was an Educator who loved history, and loved explaining our way of life. He also had his history laid out in an unusual way in his office.


	5. Chapter 17

CARLISLE

Leading her back to Carlisle office, where he contained an outline of our history. I stopped in front of the door and listened.

"Come in," Carlisle's voice invited, hearing our approach.

I walked in pulling Bella by the hand behind me.

Carlisle was sitting at his desk placing a bookmark in the pages of the thick volume he held. Carlisle had heaps of books, probably more than your average library.

"What can I do for you?" he asked us pleasantly, rising from his seat.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history," I said. "Well, your history, actually."

Carlisle had far broader history than any of us. He had been around for so long, he saw and did more than any of us. Being a scientist he was always looking for answers to everything. He wanted to know how we worked, what would happen to us, but there were so many unanswered questions that even Carlisle couldn't find answers to.

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella apologized.

"Not at all. Where are you going to start?"

"The Waggoner," I replied, placing my hand lightly on Bella's shoulder and spinning her around to look back toward the door. I could hear her heart speed up and knew Carlisle heard this too.

_She does like you Edward!_ Carlisle said so Bella couldn't hear. _The heartbeat is a sure sign._

I gave Carlisle an intense glance. He would recognize the meaning behind it.

We now faced a wall full of oil paintings depicting Carlisle's entire history as a vampire. Each painting told where Carlisle had been at each point of his existence.

Pulling Bella to the far left side directing her to a small square oil painting. This is where it all began, so I was certain it was an excellent place to begin.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I said.

"The London of my youth," Carlisle added, from a few feet behind us. Bella flinched and I squeezed her hand. Moving for us is silent and Carlisle startled her.

"Will you tell the story?" I asked.

Carlisle smiled at Bella. "I would," he replied. "But I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning- Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he added, grinning at me now.

_Tell her everything Edward. The truth shall set you free! I really ought to go now. See you later!_ Carlisle smiled warmly at Bella and then left the room.

Bella stared at the picture for a moment.

"What happened then?" she finally asked, looking up at me while I was gazing back at her. "When he realized what had happened to him?"

I looked back to the paintings. Glancing at one with a larger landscape in dull fall colors. Bella glared too.

"When he knew what he had become," I said quietly, "he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" she asked.

"He jumped from great heights," I said with an impassive voice. "He tried to drown himself in the ocean… but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist… feeding… while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation."

"Is that possible?" her voice was faint.

With our bodies hard as stone, actually harder, the only thing we have found that could penetrate our skin was our own teeth. We've never been sick. Anything we swallow would just remain inside going nowhere until we regurgitate it back out, so that leaves out any form of medication. To kill ourselves is almost impossible and with our selfish instincts it makes it that much harder.

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed."

She attempted to question this but I was too quick for her.

"So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself."

This was similar to my experience when I was first created. Suffering hard times accepting my new way of life. Questioning absolutely everything. Fortunately I had him to lean on to help guide me. He was the closest thing to a father I had, and I trusted him.

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again."

Resembling my journey into this new life. Carlisle and I were quite similar. I hadn't actually thought of this aspect previously. I lasted about a decade before I rebelled against him and went off on my own. Only to venture back when I discovered the blasphemy way I existed.

I could no longer justify my behavior and returned.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and—"

"He _swam_ to France?"

"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," I reminded her.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on."

"Swimming is easy for us-"

"Everything is easy for _you_," she griped.

I waited amused.

Additional facts unrevealed to her. Subsequently several things I don't normally think of, they are simply natural to me.

"I won't interrupt again, I promise."

We hadn't got to the part of how our bodies work. The inner parts of our bodies are frozen. As the venom processes it stops everything and then freezes it. At least that's what we believe.

I laughed, "Because, technically, we don't need to breathe."

"You-"

"No, no, you promised." I laughed, putting a finger lightly over her lips. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything," she mumbled against my finger.

I lifted my hand, and rested it against her neck. This made her heart speed up again. But she persisted.

"You don't have to_ breathe_?" She demanded.

How do you explain to someone who depends on breathing for her very life, that we don't need to breath? This was an extremely odd conversation. Bella was very delicate, with a multitude of variances that keep her alive including oxygen. She needed oxygen to breath and to keep everything working… I didn't.

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." I shrugged trying to sound nonchalant.

"How long can you go… without _breathing_?"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable- being without a sense of smell."

"A bit uncomfortable," she echoed.

I realized this was causing her to freak out. It' about time this occurred.

I stood motionless waiting for the complete reaction to overcome her.

My eyes were intensely on her face.

"What is it?" She whispered, touching my face.

I softened under her hand and sighed. "I keep waiting for it to happen."

"For what to happen?"

I kept waiting for what I always know was coming, for her to be overwhelmed, for her to be overcome, for her to… freak out.

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." I smiled a half smile, but still serious. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" I stopped and stared at her.

"I'm not running anywhere," she promised.

"We'll see," I said, smiling again.

She frowned at me. "So, go on- Carlisle was swimming to France."

I paused a moment looking back at the paintings, to the largest one by far and overflowing with bright figures in swirling robes, writhing around long pillars and off marbled balconies.

"Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine- and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." I said. I admired Carlisle and what he could do. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital…" I lost my train of thought at that moment.

I found it hard to comprehend why he would want to be around human blood all day. Why he would want to tempt himself that way. I never understood what would compel him to do that, until now. Until I met my Bella I could never appreciate why he did all that.

"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."'

I touched the spot where Carlisle and three others stood on the balcony, looking down on the mayhem below them.

Bella noticed it was Carlisle and let out a giggle.

"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods," I chuckled. "Aro, Marcus, Caius," I said, pointing to the other three. "Nighttime patrons of the arts."

"What happened to them?" She wondered.

"They're still there." I shrugged. "As they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see."

I had admiration for his persistence, knowing how difficult it is to deny our natural instincts. To restrain from the thirst could be agonizing. Yet, he did it on his own with no guidance from anyone. If I didn't have him I'm not sure I could have chosen this way of existing alone, the temptation was way to great.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity."

I knew how he felt, even with my family, I craved something more. I wasn't certain what that was until Bella came along. Although, I'm still not convinced that this is what I should want.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act- since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try..."

This is where Carlisle and I differed, I would never turn anyone. I would never commit someone to a damned existence for any reason. Not that I begrudge what he did, but I wouldn't want to make the choice myself. I couldn't make that choice myself!

"And so we've come full circle," I concluded.

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" She wondered.

"Almost always." I put my hand on her waist and pulled her with me through the door.

Not saying any more.

"Almost?" she questioned.

This was a question I didn't want to answer. How might I share with her unequivocally what I've done? It repulsed myself to comprehend. "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence- about ten years after I was… born… created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."

"Really? She was intrigued.

Does nothing bother this girl?

"That doesn't repulse you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I guess… it sounds reasonable." She answered.

I laughed loudly.

How could she imagine this sounded reasonable? I was speaking of killing her kind. Of draining them of their life, and this sounded reasonable?

"From the time of my new birth," I murmured, not believing I was about to tell her this. "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle- I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did."

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the… depression… that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl- if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

As if that made a difference, killing was killing no matter how you cut. I repulsed by the idea that I was capable of doing this in the first place. I didn't like to remember this, let alone stand here and recount it for Bella.

"But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

No matter how long I remained or what I accomplished, I could never repay them for forgiving me, and welcoming me back. My regret is that I left in the first place.

We came to stop at the last door at the end of the hallway.

"My room," I informed her, opening the door and pulling her in.

She walked around glancing at the entire room. I felt strangely self-conscience about exposing myself like this. She stared out the vast windows by the river and the mountains.

She then turned to my wall of CDs, obviously impressed with the amount I've acquired. She also glanced at the stereo system I had in the corner of the room, noticing the black leather sofa I arranged in place of a bed. She glimpsed at the golden carpet and the fabric on the walls.

"Good acoustics?" She guessed.

I laughed and nodded.

Of all things to notice about this room, I wasn't expecting that –but Bella rarely said what I expected her to.

She walked over to my wall of CDs and started to read them.

"How do you have these organized?" she asked.

"Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame," I said.

I stared at her silent trying to figure her out. It was more frustrating, even worse than the first day I met her. She always seemed to surprise me, after everything I learned about her, she still surprised me with her acceptance.

"What?"

"I was prepared to feel… relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like_ it. It makes me… happy." I shrugged, smiling.

"I'm glad," she said, smiling back.

I gazed at her intensely waiting and wondering what she was thinking.

Was she holding back? Could she possibly hide her true feelings from me?

"You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" She guessed.

I smiled and nodded.

I would swear she could read my mind. It seemed she could pull thoughts right out of my head, and I was still clueless about her thoughts.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually," She said casually.

I stopped, raising my eyebrow in disbelief. She didn't think I was scary maybe I should give her a reminder of what I could do. With that I flashed a wide, wicked smile at her.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that," I chuckled.

I growled curling my lips back over my teeth, shifting my body into a half-crouch ready to pounce.

"You wouldn't," she warned.

Leaping at her, much too fast for her to see, I pulled her down on the sofa, knocking it into the wall. Forming my arms tight around her so she could not move, as she gasped and attempted to get up.

I wasn't having that. Curling her into a ball against my chest, I held her securely. She glared at me with alarmed eyes, but I was well in control and grinned at her.

"You were saying?" I growled playfully.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," she said, sarcastically.

"Much better," I approved.

"Um." She struggled. "Can I get up now?"

I just laughed. And held her tighter. I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to keep her.

"Can we come in?" Alice called from the hall.

Bella struggled to free herself, but I merely readjusted her so she was on my lap. Her cheeks turned scarlet.

"Go ahead." I was still laughing quietly.

Alice glided in and moved to the center of the room where she folded herself sinuously onto the floor.

Jasper paused at the door, in shocked.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced.

Leave it to Alice to say the wrong thing. I had to smile at this statement, as if I would share.

"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," I replied holding Bella extremely close.

We could be close, closer than I expected we could be. The restrain and control I was demonstrating had me astonished. I never thought this possible and here we were at my house so comfortable mocking my siblings. This was extremely gratifying.

"Actually," Jasper said, smiling despite himself as he walked into the room, he didn't like what he was seeing, but ignoring that fact he continued. "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"

I would love to play ball, but I wouldn't leave Bella.

"Of course you should bring Bella," Alice chirped. Jasper threw her a quick glance.

"Do you want to go?" I asked her.

"Sure." She answered. "Um, where are we going?"

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball- you'll see why," I promised.

"Will I need an umbrella?"

We all laughed aloud.

"Will she?" Jasper asked Alice.

"No." She was positive. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing."

"Good, then." Jasper said enthusiastically.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice bounded up and to the door.

"Like you don't know," Jasper, teased and they were on their way closing the door behind them. My family was so subtle.

"What will we be playing?" she demanded.

"_You_ will be watching," I clarified. "We will be playing baseball."

She rolled her eyes. "Vampires like baseball?"

"It's the American pastime," I said mockingly.

We remained in my room for a while longer, listening to music and enjoying a little small talk. It was a magnificent feeling having her here… with me… in my world. This is where I could be myself, where I didn't have to hide from anyone.

I wondered what she really thought of all that was revealed to her. She never appeared scared or horrified. She never screamed and there was no running.


	6. Chapter 18

**As always all characters and plots belong to Stephanie Meyers.**

**Thank you for the reviews thier greatly appreciated. I hope the Edwards story has kept your interest, it did for me. Some how I knew when reading Twilight, that he had a lot going on in his head.**

18. BASEBALL

Before we headed off to play baseball with my family, we would have to go and spend some time in Bella's world. This was fine with me, for I required her to inform her father about me anyway. And there was no time like the present. As I turned down her street I saw them immediately. Billy Black and his child were waiting at Bella's door. What was he doing here?

"This is unacceptable, deplorable, improper of him to be here." I said low enough Bella couldn't here.

Pulling the truck up to the curb I glared at Billy. He came to warn Bella and Charlie about my family and I. How do I manage this? What should I do? This is breaking the treaty… unacceptable, not permitted. Does this mean I could kill him without repercussions?

"This is crossing the line," I said furious.

"He came to warn Charlie?" she guessed.

_I only came to talk to Bella. Nothing more. Will you allow this? _Billy asked me.

I just nodded to Billy, letting him know I heard.

"Let me deal with this," Bella suggested.

The fury was building becoming unmanageable. If I were to get out of this truck I'm certain I could not control myself. If I got out at this moment, someone would be hurt or worse.

"That's probably best. Be careful, though. The child has no idea."

"Jacob is not that much younger than I am," She reminded me.

"Oh, I know," I grinned.

"Get them inside," I instructed, "so I can leave. I'll be back around dusk."

I had to get out of there… I couldn't remain for his stories of what we were. If he angered me too much I'm certain I couldn't restrain myself. I also had a duty to inform Carlisle of this latest development.

"Do you want my truck?" She offered.

If I weren't so angry I would have laughed.

"I could walk home faster than this truck moves." I rolled my eyes.

"You don't have to leave," she added.

Leaving is what I had to do, and leave soon. As the fury was building the monster was awakening, he was trapped for now, but not for long. If I stayed much longer he was sure to make an appearance.

I smiled. "Actually, I do. After you get rid of them" –I glanced at Billy- "you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." I grinned showing all of my teeth. Trying hard not to demonstrate the urgency I felt.

She groaned. "Thanks a lot."

I smiled at her. "I'll be back soon," I promised looking in the direction of the back porch. Then I swiftly leaned in and kissed her.

"_Soon_," She stressed.

Bella opened the door and stepped out into the rain. I loathed allowing her to leave, aware of what she was walking into. I desired to protect her… to leave with her… never to return. Watching her walk towards them, fury built within me, the monster aching to be released.

Who was he to do this? This was hardly his business? Have I harmed her? Have I harmed anyone? As they proceeded into the house a different thought passed through my mind- I almost respected Billy- he was willing to break the treaty to protect Bella. Could I blame him? Wouldn't I do the same thing? How _mad_ could I possibly be; he was trying to protect her?

Once they were in the house I got out of the truck and took off running. Arriving home I went directly to Carlisle's office. I was compelled to inform him of what was happening. Situating myself in front of his door. This was agonizing for me, to inform him, that I have once again let our family down and put them in danger.

"Come in." Carlisle said.

Entering, I closed the door behind me. Writhing over the fact that I had to speak these words to him. To inform him, of yet another mistake I've made.

"Carlisle, I just left Bella's and we have a problem, small for the moment but has the potential of becoming a catastrophe quickly." I panicked.

"What's the matter Edward?" He asked.

"Well, as I pulled up to her house Billy Black was waiting there for her to return."

It took him a minute but he came to the same conclusion I did.

"Are we talking a descendant of Ephrim Black?" He asked.

"Yes, and he was there to warn Bella about us." I answered.

Carlisle though about this for a moment.

"He's willing to break the treaty? He questioned.

"Yes, he is." I said.

"Well, she already knows everything. So I guess no harm, no foul. I'm surprised he's willing to break the treaty though." He said wondering.

"I thought the same thing. So what do we do?" I asked.

"What is it you would have us do?"

"I'm not certain. I can see why he is doing this… I mean we are talking about Bella… I'm certain I would do the same thing." I added.

"How did you leave things?" He asked.

"Well, Bella was going to talk to him. I'm certain she can reason with him; make him see things her way." I said.

"Well, then, let's just wait and see what happens. But if he alerts Charlie- we'll have to leave Edward… at once!" Carlisle added.

"I'm certain he won't. I'm certain Bella can rationalize it with him. But I'm going back early to make sure." I promised.

"Inform me immediately if we need to go." Carlisle said.

"I will. I have to get back soon." I added.

With that I went to my room and changed for the baseball game, incase we were still playing. The Quileutes interfering, I never expected this. I never thought one of them would break their own treaty, and for someone who wasn't even one of their own.

On the other hand… maybe he could frighten her enough… to alter her mind about me. Isn't that what's supposed to happen? Isn't that what I truly required occurring? For her to run from me… for her to acquire a normal life… for her to discover a normal man. That's what logic commands me to believe, but my heart, my heart warns me to remain with her forever, for an eternity. I'm certain I couldn't compel myself to allow her to leave.

Arriving back at Bella's house, I overheard the dinner conversation. The coast was clear and all discussions were typical. There were no discussions of vampires just Bella telling him about me. Walking up to the door I rang the bell. How awkward I felt about meeting Chief Swan formerly. Was this the appropriate thing to do? Chief Swan opened the door.

"Come on in, Edward."

"Thanks, Chief Swan," I said.

"Go ahead and call me Charlie. Here, I'll take your jacket."

He took my jacket and puckered his eyebrows.

"Thanks, sir."

"Have a seat there, Edward."

Directing me toward the living room. I sat in the only chair in the room forcing Bella to sit beside her father on the couch. She gave me a dirty look… I winked at her.

"So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball."

"Yes, sir, that's the plan." I said.

He wondered how I accomplished that when he never could.

"Well, more power to you, I guess." Charlie said.

Charlie laughed and I joined in. It was a much easier meeting than I imagined it likely. Being partial to Charlie I was nearly comfortable. But it was strange to know I was technically older than him.

"Okay." Bella stood up. "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She walked to the hall and put on her jacket.

"Not too late, Bell."

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'll have her home early." I promised.

"You take care of my girl, all right?"

"She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir."

She would be safe with me. She would be safer with me, then anyone else.

Bella stomped out while Charlie and I laughed, then I followed. Bella stopped dead on the front porch and starred at the jeep I brought.

Charlie let out a whistle.

"Wear your seat belts," he choked out.

I followed Bella around to the passenger side and opened her door. She stood staring at the height of the truck wondering how she would get in. I lifted her with one hand into the truck. I walked around to the driver's side at a human pace for fear that Charlie would be watching.

"What's all this?" Bella asked.

"It's an off-roading harness."

"Uh-oh."

Glancing over, I noticed she didn't realize how to put the seatbelt on. Reaching over I buckled it up for her. Her breathing increased and her heart skipped a beat. Wanting to kiss her again, I thought Charlie might be watching us and imagined this wouldn't be the best time. I turned the key and started the jeep. I pulled away from the house.

"This is a… um… _big_ jeep you have."

"It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way."

The clearing where we play baseball was in the middle of the forest. We needed the jeep to get there because there were no roads, only pathways.

"Where do you keep this thing?"

"We remolded one of the outbuildings into a garage."

"Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?"

I glanced at her disbelieving; she truly didn't realize anything.

"Run the _whole_ way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way? She panicked.

I grinned. "You're not going to run."

"I'm going to be sick."

"Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine."

She looked so panicked I leaned over kissing the top of her head to reassure her. Also, the truth was, the rain made her scent irresistible and I'd been yearning to kiss her.

"You smell so good in the rain," I explained.

"In a good way, or in a bad way?" She asked.

I sighed. "Both, always both."

Turning off the highway onto a side road, which was more like a pathway. She seemed interested in where we were heading, although, it was a bumpy road and she bounced all around.

Coming to the end of the road we were in the middle of the forest.

"Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here."

She didn't enjoy running with me, I think I move to fast for her. I wish it didn't cause her discomfort; somehow I needed to make it easier, maybe if I go slower.

"You know what? I'll just wait here."

"What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning."

She was so brave today meeting my family. She really had no fear and no sense of self-preservation. Sure, she would go to house full of vampires, but a little run in the forest terrifies her.

"I haven't forgotten the last time yet." She remembered.

Going around to her side of the car quickly, I opened the door and started to unbuckle her seat belt.

"I'll get those, you go on ahead," she protested.

She can't be this nervous about a little bit of running. I would have to come up with a way to make her more relaxed about it.

"Hmmm…" I mused as I quickly finished. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."

Pulling her from the jeep, I set her on the ground.

"Tamper with my memory?" She asked.

"Something like that." I watched her intently.

Placing my hands against the jeep on either side of her head leaning forward… I leaned even closer… my face inches from hers. Attempting to dazzle her –to use her word.

"Now," I breathed, "what exactly are you worrying about?"

Speaking softly, breathing deeply, alluring her with my breath.

"Well, um, hitting a tree-" She gulped "-and dying. And then getting sick."

Attempting not to smile. Bending down to the base of her throat, I pressed my lips against her skin, kissing her softly.

"Are you still worried now?" I murmured against her skin.

Moving my lips across her neck to her chin and back, I caressed her soft warm skin. My breathing became very heavy, as she was breathing deeply.

"Yes." She was struggling. "About hitting trees and getting sick."

Running my nose lightly on her skin, from the base of her throat, to her chin. Our breathing was very rapid and her heart was beating fairly strong.

"And now?" I whispered against her chin.

"Trees," she gasped. "Motion sickness."

Lifting my face to kiss her eyelids. "Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?"

"No, but I might."

Kissing her slowly down her cheek, stopping at the corner of her mouth.

"Would I let a tree hurt you?" Brushing my lips against her trembling lower lip.

"No," she breathed her voice trembling.

"You see," I said, moving my lips against hers. "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?"

My tongue traced her lips parting them slightly.

"No," she sighed, giving in.

I took her face in my hands kissing her vigorously. Our lips moved in perfect synchronicity. Her body warmed as her blood flowed fluidly. Her heart began to flutter making my hunger to kiss her intensify.

She through her arms around my neck and crushed her body against mine. The heat became overwhelming leaving me on the verge of losing control. I desired to move into her, wrap my arms around her, pressing her harder to me. Feeling the flash of heat coming from her, clouded my mind, moving my hands without permission, down her neck passed her shoulders resting on her waist…

I had to regain control… to end this quickly… before I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I staggered back breaking her grip from me.

"Damn it, Bella!" I let go gasping. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will."

She fell over placing her hands on her knees. I gasped for air that was too close for comfort. She had a way of bringing me to the edge and this time I almost jumped.

"You're indestructible," she mumbled breathlessly.

Amazing to see how far over the edge she could persuade me. Intolerable, not having the strength to stop and she was not helping the situation. She was making this impossible to resist. She was driving me mad.

"I might have believed that before I met _you_. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled.

I threw her over my back very gently. She locked her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. My tactics must be working for she didn't hesitate.

"Don't forget to close your eyes," I warned severely.

She tucked her head into my back between my shoulder blades. The warmth of her body was causing mine to explode with excitement. I struggled to concentrate on the run, attempting not to imagine her lips against mine, melting with every touch of her skin. I desired reaching back… removing her… placing her on the ground… and…

_Enough_.

Coming to a stop, I reached back and touched her hair. She unlocked the strangle hold she had on my body and slid to the ground, hitting it with a thud.

"Oh!" She huffed.

She made me laugh and laugh loudly. She picked herself up and began brushing the mud off the back of her jacket. The expression on her face made me laugh harder. She was annoyed and stomped off in the wrong direction.

I grabbed her around the waist.

"Where are you going, Bella?'

"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you."

She was very angry with me, flaring up her kittenish fury.

"You're going the wrong way."

She turned around and stalked off in the opposite direction. I caught her again.

"Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." I chuckled then stopped.

"Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" She said.

What was she talking about? Where did this come from?

"I wasn't mad at you."

"Bella, you'll be the death of me?" She quoted, in a bad impression of my voice.

"_That_ was simply a statement of fact."

She struggled to turn away from me, but I wouldn't let her. How could she think I could be mad at her for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known.

"You were mad," she insisted.

Of course I was mad, I was mad at the fact I appeared to have no self-control.

"Yes."

"But you just said-"

She could never do anything to make me mad… it was never her fault. It was always me… always my fault. I was the one who required more strength.

"That I wasn't mad at _you_. Can't you see that, Bella? I said intensely. "Don't you understand?"

"See what?" She demanded, confused.

"I'm never angry with you- how could I be? Brave, trusting… warm as you are."

She trusted me wholeheartedly but, I didn't deserve her trust, I was weak, easily persuaded by my instincts. It was difficult trusting myself, when my instincts appeared readily, whenever she was near me. Fortunately, I was stronger than I assumed, being capable of pausing when necessary, thus far.

"Then why?" she whispered.

Putting my hands carefully on both sides of her face. "I infuriate myself," I said gently. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to…"

She put her hand over my mouth. "Don't." She whispered.

Taking her hand from my mouth I placed it on my face. Compelled to make her understand… that it was never her… it's always my fault. And now, I was going to put the final nail in my coffin so to speak.

"I love you," I said. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."

Now she knows… I've said the words… it's all out there now. My actions were not very noble… I was truly a monster. What an evil thing for me to do… to draw her in even deeper. What a selfish creature I really am. Now I'm certain, I'm going to hell.

"Now, please try to behave yourself," I continued.

Since I was going to hell, I bent down and brushed my lips softly to hers. Holding perfectly still, she sighed. I suppose I'm not the only one with self-control issues.

"You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going."

"Yes, ma'am."

I smiled at her… releasing all of her… expect her hand. Leading her through the ferns to the edge of the open field. The clearing was large, probably twice the size of any baseball stadium.

The others were already there setting up the base's and practicing, not that they needed practice. We came into view with Esme and Emmett heading towards us. Rosalie took off to the outfield without acknowledging us.

"Was that you we heard, Edward?" Esme asked.

"It sounded like a bear choking," Emmett clarified.

Bella half smiled. "That was him."

Emmett could be relentless when it came to teasing, I would never live this down. Usually it was all in fun I expected more would follow.

"Bella was being unintentionally funny," I explained.

Alice came running over stopping right at our feet. "It's time."

When she spoke the thunder rumbled shaking the forest. She was right the storm was passing over Forks missing the clearing altogether. Not that I doubted what Alice said, not in this instance anyway.

"Eerie, isn't it?" Emmett said winking at Bella.

"Let's go." Alice grabbed Emmett's hand and they ran for the field.

Pleased to see how comfortable everyone seemed around Bella, they appeared to manage this better than I expected. My wish is that Rosalie would accept us -I suppose she needs time- and time I would give her. She'll approve sooner or later… she'll have to. Bella wasn't going anywhere.

"Are you ready for some ball?" I asked, excited.

"Go team!" Bella tried to sound enthusiastic.

Snickering, I mussed her hair and ran off to join the others. Bella stayed with Esme acting as umpire. Catching Alice and Emmett I ran past them.

Over hearing Esme and Bella's conversation, I couldn't help listening.

"Shall we go down?" Esme asked her.

"You don't play with them?" Bella asked.

"No, I prefer to referee- I like keeping them honest," she explained.

She enjoyed being the voice of reason, for we could get quite worked up about plays that are made and the outcome of these games. She being the only one, everyone trusted, enough to speak the truth.

"Do they like to cheat, then?"

"Oh yes- you should hear the arguments they get into! Actually, I hope you don't, you would think they were raised by a pack of wolves."

"You sound like my mom," Bella laughed.

She did sound rather motherly and she really was. She was a mother to us all with her unconditional love and her compassion in everything we do.

Esme laughed too. "Well, I do think of them as my children in most ways. I never could get over my mothering instincts- did Edward tell you I had lost a child?"

"No," she murmured, stunned.

Of course I couldn't reveal that, as this was not my story to pass on. I've never felt comfortable revealing other people's stories. Feeling agony for Esme, what a tragic story she suffered when she was human.

"Yes, my first and only baby. He died just a few days after he was born, the poor tiny thing," she sighed. "It broke my heart- that's why I jumped off the cliff, you know," she added matter-of-factly.

"Edward just said you f-fell," Bella stammered.

"Always the gentleman." She smiled. "Edward was the first of my new sons. I've always thought of him that way, even though he's older than I, in one way at least." She smiled. "That's why I'm so happy that he's found you, dear." She put her arm around Bella. "He's been the odd man out for far too long, it's hurt me to see him alone."

She was right, I always thought of her as my mother, even with the age difference. She always treated me respectfully and attempted to guide me in ways that were positive. Always having higher standards for me then I deserved, I could never live up to what she thought of me.

Esme had always wished for me to find love, as she did. She thought I was missing out on the wonderful things it could provide, and though I wouldn't have believed it before, I understand now what she'd been missing for me.

"You don't mind, then?" Bella asked. "That I'm… all wrong for him?"

"No." Esme said. "You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow," Esme said looking concerned.

She truly believed that Bella and I would work out, she wasn't certain how, but she was a true believer that love would conquer all. She knew of Alice's visions and my thoughts on them, but she had faith, that our relationship would somehow flourish. I wished I could have faith in this too, but I knew it couldn't. I knew we couldn't be the normal family she desired.

Playing ball allowed us to feel similar to a normal family. Who didn't play ball at one time or another? Normal because we played together and argued over silly things like who was out, who hit a foul and who was cheating.

Not normal because of the way we played. When Alice pitched the ball it moved to fast for the human eye to see. And when we hit the ball with the bat it went further and faster then any Major league player could.

Watching us play must be quite a sight; I can't imagine how it looks to an outsider. Not that you could see much as we move, but it sill must be quite a sight.

"All right," Esme called. "Batter up."

Alice stood at the pitchers mound, she threw the ball and it smacked into Jasper's hand. We didn't wear gloves, no need to. I heard Bella whisper to Esme.

"Was that a strike?"

"If they don't hit it, it's a strike," Esme answered.

Jasper threw the ball back to Alice. She grinned and then spun the ball out again. This time Emmett smashed the ball with the aluminum bat creating a thunderous sound. The ball flew above the field and into the forest.

I heard Bella ask Esme, "Home run," I giggled.

"Wait," Esme cautioned, as I ran to get the ball and through it to Jasper.

"Out!" Esme claimed. I came back into view.

"Emmett hits the hardest," Esme explained, "But Edward runs the fastest."

The inning continued and I could see that Bella was amazed with the way we played. She attempted to pay attention to everything, but it was difficult to keep up with us.

At one point, Jasper hit a ground ball toward Carlisle. Carlisle ran into the ball, and then raced Jasper to first base. When they collided there was a loud crash similar to two boulders falling, explaining the reason for playing in thunderstorms.

"Safe," Esme called out.

Emmett's team was up by one when I caught the third out. I ran to Bella's side excited. I was anxious to know what she thought.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again."

"And it sounds like you did so much of that before," I laughed.

"I am a little disappointed," she teased.

"Why?" I was puzzled.

"Well, it would be nice, if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet."

I flashed her a smile. She thought too highly of me, not believing I could live up to it, there were plenty of things I didn't do well. This relationship was one thing for instance, I'm certain I wasn't doing this well.

"I'm up," I said, heading for the plate.

I hit the ball low away from Rosalie and towards Emmett, taking two bases before he could get the ball back into play. Carlisle knocked one so far out of field- with such a boom- that he and I made it home.

Carlisle was up to bat; I was catching, when Alice suddenly gasped. I immediately saw what she was seeing. Vampires! There were three of them entering through the forest, two men and a woman. My eyes met Alice's, I then, ran to Bella's side.

"Alice?" Esme's voice was tense.

"I didn't see- I couldn't tell," she whispered.

All the others were gathered by this time. I thought about running for it, I had to get Bella out of here quickly. I couldn't allow her to be in the same proximity as them. The danger for her was too great.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked with the calm voice of authority.

"They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," she murmured.

Anxiety washed threw me as I realized Alice was correct, there wasn't enough time to get Bella out. Allowing her to be here put her in danger. What was I to do? How could I have been so foolish?

Jasper leaned over Alice. "What changed?" He asked.

"They heard us playing, and it changed their path," she said feeling responsible.

We all looked at Bella.

"How soon?" Carlisle said, turning toward me.

I concentrated intensely.

"Less than five minutes. They're running – they want to play." I scowled.

"Can you make it?" Carlisle asked me.

I wanted to say yes, I would've died to say yes, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't risk it; I couldn't risk her.

"No, not carrying-" I stopped. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

"How many?" Emmett asked Alice.

"Three!" she answered.

"Three!" he scoffed. "Let them come."

Everyone stared at Carlisle waiting for his words of wisdom. I felt so weak, cowardly; needing to run her out of here, I couldn't bare the thought of them that close to her. Self-loathing spread within permitting this to occur. How could I possibly exist within myself if anything were to happen to her because of my mistake?

Doing the only thing I was capable of, at this moment, I had to learn everything I could, pay attention to every thought they had. If I could do nothing else, I was going to learn everything about these three that I could.

Remaining at Bella's side… I searched… I searched their thoughts as they made there way toward my family. The curiosity was evident in their thoughts, they were inquisitive about who we were.

"Let's just continue the game," Carlisle finally decided. He seemed calm and level. "Alice said they were simply curious."

Esme asked me in a low voice, that Bella wouldn't hear, if they were hungry. I nodded 'no' to her, knowing this was true. That offered a certain amount of relief, but not much.

"You catch, Esme," I said. "I'll call it now." Planting myself in front of Bella refusing to leave her side.

The others returned to the field, watching the dark forest with sharp eyes. Alice and Esme appeared to orient themselves around us.

"Take your hair down," I said in a low, even voice, trying not to scare her more than she already was.

She slid the rubber band out of her hair and shook it out.

"The others are coming now." She stated the obvious.

"Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please." Trying to conceal the stress in my voice. I pulled her long hair forward, around her face.

"That won't help," Alice said softly. "I could smell her across the field."

"I know." Sounding frustrated.

Carlisle stood at the plate, and the others joined the game halfheartedly. The fact that I had put them in such danger was agonizing, what a monster I truly was!

"What did Esme ask you?" Bella whispered.

Appearing terrified enough, it upset me to say these words to her. "Whether they were thirsty," I muttered.

The seconds ticked by; the game progressed with apathy now. No one dared to hit harder than a bunt, and Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper hovered in the infield. We remained within close proximity of each other.

Rosalie was angry, with every right. She had predicted something like this would happen, and now I was involving her. It wasn't right; she shouldn't have to fight my fights.

I couldn't worry about that right now, we had bigger problems. I reserved my eyes and my mind on the forest. I required knowing exactly where they were coming from. Then I saw them. I stiffened, taking a half step, putting myself between them and Bella. I stopped breathing and prepared.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I muttered angry. "It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry."

Carlisle, Emmett, and the others turned in the same direction, hearing sounds of passage, much too faint for Bella to hear.

God, I wished I could stop this. This was so wrong. How could I do this? What had come over me bringing her here? I desired to make this right, if I get her out of here, I would have to make this right. This is the reason… the reason we could not… we should not be together.

I knew this from the beginning and I ignored it. I was such a selfish creature… such a monster. Look what I've done!


	7. Chapter 19

**Once again all rights owned by Stephanie Meyer.**

**Thank you for the reviews there very pleasant to read.**

19. INTRODUCTIONS

As they emerged from the forest I embarked on reading their thoughts immediately. For the majority of their thoughts were absorbed by the amount of us there were. They lived different from our kind and had entirely different philosophies in their hunting styles. They existed as nomads; constantly traveling around, living wherever they preferred. Their appearance was harsh looking, not well groomed, not resembling us in any way. They weren't hungry, as they had hunted recently.

There were three of them; the first male had light brown hair with a slight build. He dropped back and allowed the second male to obtain the lead. The second male had black hair with a medium build. The third was a woman, wilder than the two males, with long chaotic orange hair.

But it was their eyes… their eyes that presented information so easily. Unlike our golden eyes, their eyes were deep burgundy with a sharpness to them, a sharpness that was disturbing and sinister. From their eyes I could see precisely what we were dealing with.

Their philosophies were a different story. The first male was truly concerned with the amount of us. He comprised plenty of questions regarding my family. He attempted to maintain his composure and alter his position to appear calm.

The second male was particularly skeptical in the midst of us; remaining unconvinced of our friendliness. He reserved his guard, producing a stance behind the other two; he paid meticulous attention to us. His eyes extended across my families in front of him before reconciling on mine. He seized my gaze reluctant to back down.

The woman stood next to the first male and was genuinely curious about us with a slight hint of concern. She reserved her guard and her stance detained ready to shift into a crouch instantly.

Merely looking at them, you might distinguish the differences between them and us. They resembled drifters with frayed clothes, barefoot, and leaves and debris from the woods on them. But the authentic difference remained their eyes, eyes never lie, they had fierce and menacing eyes. And you didn't require being our kind to detect this.

It was their thoughts that captivated the majority of my attention. I kept sifting through them to acquire details… details that would warn me of their plans… the actual meaning behind their curiosity. The woman wondered who we all were and where we came from. The one acting as the leader wondered how long we were all together, as this is not normal for our kind, to remain in such a large group.

It was the third man that exceedingly retained my attention. I was not familiar to his mind, but I had heard his thoughts before. He was a tracker! An excellent tracker who spends his existence looking for something to hunt. A tracker could consume his days hunting the object of his affection; it's a game to them providing them a reason to exist.

Presenting me with my biggest concern… this tracker. Not intending him to turn his attention to Bella, her scent alone might peak his interest. But the fact was, she was here with us… a human… providing him all the reason he would require to hunt her.

My attention was on him now, trying to see his mind, what he was thinking. I needed to understand what we were dealing with. He was not the first tracker I had encountered. I was familiar with their tendencies and their abilities.

The apparent leader of this pack smiled and stepped forward to address Carlisle.

"We thought we heard a game," he said in a relaxed voice with a slight French accent. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James." He gestured to the vampires beside him.

"I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." He said not lingering on anyone directly.

I cringed when he said Bella's name. I realized why he did it, but it nevertheless didn't appear entirely appropriate.

"Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent asked sociably.

Carlisle matching Laurent's friendly tone. "Actually, we were just finishing up. But we'd certainly be interested another time. Are you planning to stay in the area for long?"

"We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time."

"No, this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourselves."

The tense atmosphere was calming and things were becoming more casual. Expect for this James, he appeared unconvinced of our friendliness, not prepared to take any chances. I focused attention on him; he had a slight advantage in his thoughts. Sensing something was wrong, he couldn't completely reckon what that was.

"What's your hunting range?" Laurent casually inquired.

Carlisle ignored the assumption behind the inquiry.

"The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Rangers on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali."

"Permanent? How do you manage that?" He was genuinely curious.

"Why don't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably?" Carlisle invited. "It's a rather long story."

Laurent and Victoria appeared surprised by the word home. It resonated through Laurent's head again and again. But James controlled his thoughts better apparently not surprised.

"That sounds very interesting, and welcome." He smiled. "We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to clean up in a while."

"Please don't take offense, but we'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hunting in this immediate area. We have to stay inconspicuous, you understand," Carlisle explained.

"Of course." Laurent nodded. "We certainly won't encroach on your territory. We just ate outside of Seattle, anyway," he laughed.

Not caring for all this discussion regarding hunting in front of Bella. It must be disturbing to her, but currently there wasn't anything I could do. Pressing to maintain my focus, concentrating on where this was headed, the problems we were certain to encounter.

Just then, the breeze caught Bella's hair sending her scent towards James. He picked it up immediately and shifted into a crouch prepared to attack. I bared my teeth, crouching in defense, and growled from my throat. He ascertained immediately she was human.

The thoughts coursed threw his head, he was confused and ready to attack. Never letting up I remained in defense mode, our eyes stayed locked on each other's. It was then I realized he could read my mind; he shared the same gift as I.

"What's this?" Laurent exclaimed surprise.

Neither James nor I altered positions. James shifted slightly to the side and I synchronized his effort. He was assessing the situation, trying to figure out how she fit in. She was here not to kill, but remain as she was. He didn't understand this, he couldn't.

He had never known an attachment to a human before. How could he? Never being around one long enough to consider it. He sure couldn't understand why I would protect her, and I certainly didn't want him to. If he were to figure out my attachment to her that would be enough to excite him. He would see that as an exhilarating challenge.

"She's with us." Carlisle's firm rebuff was directed toward James. Laurent took longer but was now aware of Bella's scent.

I was enraged, baring my teeth further and harshly growling. Laurent stepped back again. He meant know harm to her but didn't comprehend what was going on.

"I said she's with us," Carlisle corrected in a hard voice.

"But she's human," Laurent protested in surprise.

"Yes." Emmett stepped to Carlisle's side, his eyes on James.

James slowly stepped out of his crouch never taking his eyes off Bella. Remaining unchanged I was prepared to attack at a moments notice. Recognizing he couldn't do a great deal at this moment; he would wait… wait for a better occasion… an occasion when she was unaccompanied. Extremely troubled by his thoughts... they were depraved.

Preparing to do anything to protect her, my mind was already running through all the ways I would make him suffer for having such vile and repulsive thoughts about her. All the ways I would make him beg for his life and all the ways I would kill him.

Laurent used a soothing tone attempting to defuse the situation. "It appears we have a lot to learn about each other."

"Indeed." Carlisle's voice was still cool.

"But we'd like to accept your invitation." He looked at Bella, then back to Carlisle. "And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said."

This was accurate for Laurent, but this wasn't the truth for James. He possessed other ideas that didn't include a friendly chat at our house. I sorted through his thoughts significantly now. He understood the meaning behind my thoughts, he saw the draw she held for me. Shifting threw his thoughts I had to find something that would help me protect Bella. Any kind of weakness he may possess, any detail that may help.

Carlisle glanced at Laurent for a moment prior to speaking. "We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" he called. The three gathered blocking their view of Bella, Alice stood at her side, and Emmett retreated back to her slowly his eyes remaining on James.

"Let's go, Bella." I said relentlessly.

The entire time this was occurring, Bella stood extremely motionless behind me, she had to be so terrified. I yearned to grab her... hold her... declare to her that she would be safe and sound. But I realized this wasn't completely accurate. I grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her along side of me. Alice and Emmett continued right behind us, shielding her from them. My impatience was apparent as we moved swiftly toward the forest edge.

I didn't stop as we hit the Jeep; I flung Bella into the backseat.

"Strap her in," I ordered Emmett, who got in beside her.

Alice jumped in the front seat and I roared the engine to life, swinging it around to face the winding road.

"What have I done? How could I expose her this way? How foolish of me? No time to think, I've got to get her out of here!" I said much too swiftly for Bella to understand. But the others heard and caught the urgency in my voice.

I hit the main road, turned away from Forks, hitting the gas I sped down the highway. Angry with myself for allowing this to happen! I needed to protect her…I needed to hide her away… far enough removed that he couldn't locate her. Then I would return… return and take care of him.

The monster was attempting to escape; I could sense his interest at what was happening. He treasured hearing the word kill; it was pleasurable for him to hear me speak of that. He wanted to be involved, to be released.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked.

None of us answered. None of us even looked at her.

"Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?"

"We have to get you away from here –far away- now." I kept my eyes on the road pushing the speedometer past a hundred miles an hour.

"Turn around! You have to take me home!" She shouted trying to get out of the seatbelt.

"Emmett," I said grimly.

Emmett secured her hands.

"No! Edward! No, you can't do this."

"I have to Bella, now please be quiet."

"I won't! You have to take me back –Charlie will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family- Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!"

"Calm down, Bella." I said coldly. "We've been there before."

"Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me!" She was struggling to free herself.

"Edward, pull over." Alice spoke.

I flashed her a hard look and sped up.

"Edward, let's just talk this through."

"You don't understand," I roared in frustration, speeding to nearly one hundred and fifteen miles an hour. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you see that? He's a tracker!"

This meant plenty to Alice but meant little to Bella. She contained no idea what a tracker was. A tracker was the worst of our kind. The obsessive quality they possess can be extremely dangerous to a vampire let alone a human. And currently his focus was entirely on Bella. This made the monster extremely angry.

"Pull over, Edward." Alice said with authority in her voice.

I pressed the gas heading over one hundred and twenty miles an hour.

"Do it, Edward."

"Listen to me, Alice. I saw his mind. Tracking is his passion, his obsession –and he wants her, Alice- her specifically. He begins the hunt tonight."

Leaving town was the only option; I had no other choice. With him in town she couldn't remain here. The urgency became clearer the further out of town I was getting.

"He doesn't know where-"

I interrupted her. "How long do you think it will take him to cross her scent in town? His plan was already set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth."

Bella gasped, "Charlie! You can't leave him there! You can't leave him!" She thrashed against the harness.

Charlie was not the one in danger her –she was. This tracker wanted her and would stop at nothing to get her. Couldn't they understand this?

"She's right," Alice said.

I slowed down slightly.

"Let's just look at our options for a minute," Alice coaxed.

Slowing down even more… I screeched to a stop on the shoulder of the highway. Options… what other options… I couldn't see other options. The monster warned me not to listen, he warned me to keep going. He knew the urgency in the situation we faced, he'd been there before.

"There are no options," I hissed.

"I'm not leaving Charlie!" Bella yelled.

Ignoring her completely.

"We have to take her back," Emmett finally spoke.

Under these circumstances, there was no way I would bring her back. To allow him the possibility of finding her was not an option. The monster was right I needed to get her out of town.

"No." I was absolute.

"He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her."

"He'll wait."

He would want as long as he had too, he lived for the challenge.

Emmett smiled. "I can wait, too."

"You didn't see –you don't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable. We'd have to kill him."

"That's an option." Emmett said unmoved by the idea.

For Emmett this was an option, but he didn't realize how difficult that could be. It's not that easy to kill one of our own, especially if they had help.

"And the female. She's with him. If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too."

"There are enough of us."

"There's another option," Alice said quietly.

Turning to her unleashing all of my fury, "There –is –no –other –option!"

Glaring at Alice intently making certain she understood there was no other option. How could she even consider that? Already expressing my opinion on the subject previously, I would certainly not be intimidated into ending Bella's life. This subject was closed and would remain closed eternally.

"Does anyone want to hear my plan?" Bella broke the silence.

Her plan… her plan, how could she have a plan? She didn't even know what we were dealing with.

"No," I growled.

"Listen," She pleaded. "You take me back."

Another one… take her back… never going to happen.

"No," I interrupted.

There was no way I was taking her back. We had to get out of here, and we were wasting precious time.

She glared at me and continued. "You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on your family. Then you can take me any damned place you want."

We all stared at her.

"It's not a bad idea, really." Emmett said surprised.

"It might work –and we simply can't leave her father unprotected. You know that." Alice said.

Everyone looked at me. What could I say? What could I do? This shattered my believe shaking my very core. Not considering this, I needed to get her away from here immediately. Prepared to take the monsters side in this, he was right needing to get her away from here. If anything were to happen to her…

"It's too dangerous –I don't want him within a hundred miles of her."

Emmett was supremely confident. "Edward, he's not getting through us."

Alice thought for a moment. "I don't see him attacking. He'll try to wait for us to leave her alone."

Leave her alone. I'm never going to leave her alone again. Could I ever leave her alone again?

"It won't take long for him to realize that's not going to happen."

"I _demand_ that you take me home." She tried to sound firm.

Pressing my fingers to my forehead, I squeezed my eyes shut. This can't be happening, I couldn't consider bringing her back. Could I? What if she got hurt, or worse? Had I not placed her in enough danger for one day? She must reconsider her plan; persuade her to see things as I do. She needed to understand exactly whom we were dealing with. That would amend her mind… she would see clearly.

"Please," she pleaded.

That did it… she merely needed to utilize that word… to make me adjust my mind. Unable to resist her while she pleaded with me. How could she do this to me? How could she offer to put herself in that kind of danger? Doesn't she understand, doesn't she realize. And here I am powerless to stop her. The monster was writhing –he angry I was considering this.

Bella's choices were hers to devise. I couldn't say no to her… I wanted to… but I couldn't. She wasn't mine, I didn't own her, if she believed it was best to leave; I would have to allow her to leave. The choice was always hers; I couldn't take that away from her too.

"You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees or not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep."

Starting the jeep, I spun around and headed back to Forks. Unbelievable the way they convinced me to carry out her plan. Her strategy was not reliable. How did this happen? How did I lose such control over the situation? It was the one thing I never wanted to do, lose control with her. And now, I lost all control… everything was out of my hands.

The monster was angry. He was aching to stop me. He wanted to run with her… far away. He wished to have her all to himself, not giving this tracker the slightest advantage to take her from him.

How could I have been so foolish? My desire had always been to protect her, and now, I put her in the most danger she would ever face. I had to make this right… I had to make her safe again. And if leaving makes her safe, then, that is what we have to do.

Turning my focus to the forest, I desired to be useful. Wanting to determine where he was located and what he was doing. Pressing the gas, I raced down the road. Strategies were formulating, how to proceed and what to do. My thoughts focused on Bella's house, running through every possibility until I came up with a plan.

"This is how it's going to happen. When we get to the house, if the tracker is not there, I will walk her to the door. Then she has fifteen minutes." I glared at her in the rearview mirror. "Emmett, you take the outside of the house. Alice, you get the truck. I'll be inside as long as she is. After she's out, you two can take the jeep home and tell Carlisle."

"No way," Emmett broke in. "I'm with you."

"Think it through, Emmett. I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"Until we know how far this is going to go, I'm with you."

Refusing to argue at this moment, I had to keep my mind clear to find him. I needed to be certain we would arrive at the house before him. If he was there I would not stop, I would keep going, and we would have to come up with another plan. Not allowing him to be that close to her, and neither would the monster.

I sighed. "If the tracker is there," I continued grimly, "we keep driving."

"We're going to make it there before him," Alice said confidently.

Well I'm glad Alice can concentrate adequately to continue tracking of him, because I was experiencing trouble with that.

"What are we going to do with the jeep?" She asked.

I had a hard edge to my voice. "You're driving it home."

"No, I'm not," she said calmly.

How could she dispute this mute point with me? Damn, I wish they would stop arguing every opinion. Stupid… unacceptable… idiotic plans!

"We can't all fit in my truck," Bella whispered.

Ignoring her I was reluctant to hear anymore of her strategies. She had already put herself in enough danger for one day. There was nothing more she would do to risk her safety.

"I think you should let me go alone," she said even more quietly.

I couldn't ignore that! She was insane if she thought I would permit her to go alone. Taking her away with me was one thing, but now she wants to go alone, unacceptable. Unable to accept this and I knew the monster never would.

Her choices were not longer hers; I had to put my foot down somewhere. She was being unreasonable, not realizing how much danger she was in. Having to leave was bad enough, but going alone… unprotected… I could not agree to this… it's never going to happen!

"Bella, please just do this my way, just this once," I said clenching my teeth.

"Listen, Charlie's not an imbecile," she protested. "If you're not in town tomorrow, he's going to get suspicious."

Charlie was the least of my problems; her going alone was at the top of my list. No matter how much she pleaded this time, she was not going alone.

"That's irrelevant. We'll make sure he's safe, and that's all that matters."

"Then what about this tracker? He saw the way you acted tonight. He's going to think you're with me, wherever you are."

It's irrelevant what the tracker thinks is going on. The only relevant thing is that she be safe.

Emmett glanced at her, "Edward, listen to her," he argued. "I think she's right."

"Yes, she is," Alice, agreed.

Had everyone completely lost their minds? The only rational one left was the monster and I was inclined to side with him.

"I can't do that." I said coldly.

"Emmett should stay, too," she continued. "He definitely got an eyeful of Emmett."

"What?" Emmett turned to her.

There, finally, someone who would be on my side. Emmett must be thinking she's lost her mind.

"You'll get a better crack at him if you stay," Alice agreed.

How could they do this? Did they really think I would allow her to go off alone?

"You think I should let her go alone?"

"Of course not," Alice said. "Jasper and I will take her."

"I can't do that," I repeated... I was losing this battle... I could feel it. And the monster was outraged at the fact I was losing. He was gasping for air, to be let loose, to be allowed to take control of this situation.

Bella spoke persuasively. "Hang out here for a week-" I cringed at the thought of a week. "-a few days. Let Charlie see you haven't kidnapped me, and lead this James on a wild-goose chase. Make sure he's completely off my trail. Then come and meet me. Take a roundabout route, of course, and then Jasper and Alice can go home."

Absurd, being convinced of this plan. Was I going insane? Leave her -for even a couple of days- when she was in such mortal danger. Do they realize what they are requesting of me? That's comparable to leaving my heart abandoned and hoping it remains beating. This was an impossible situation and their strategy was working.

When I thought of allowing her to leave my stomach twisted, the aching pain returned and my muscles recoiled. The monster was angry… angry at the thought of letting her go. Could a dead heart break because it felt as if mine would? The hollow in my chest ached as if it were empty. The burn in my throat was on fire and my stomach twisted from the hunger. The monster demanded freedom; he stood fast waiting for the command. How was I expected to allow her leave… without me?

How could I spin this back to my plans? There had to be a way to make them see that I could manage this. That I be the one who goes with her; to take her somewhere safe. Why was this so hard to grasp, the fact that it would crush me to let her leave.

But after sifting through the trackers thoughts I was certain he would follow me. After witnessing my reaction on the baseball field, he would never believe I would leave her alone. Consequently their plans were right, I must allow her to go and urge him to follow me. How would I endure this?

"Meet you where?"

"Phoenix."

Phoenix… Phoenix… how could I consider this?

"No. He'll hear that's where you're going," I said impatiently.

"And you'll make it look like that's a ruse, obviously. He'll know that we'll know that he's listening. He'll never believe I'm actually going where I say I am going."

"She's diabolical," Emmett chuckled.

"And if that doesn't work?"

"There are several million people in Phoenix," she informed me.

No, she would be too easy to find in Phoenix.

"It's not that hard to find a phone book."

"I won't go home."

"Oh?" I inquired.

"I'm quite old enough to get my own place."

"Edward, we'll be with her," Alice reminded me.

"What are you going to do in Phoenix?" I asked her.

Needing to convince myself that this was the right decision, it didn't feel like it was, but maybe it was.

"Stay indoors."

"I kind of like it." Emmett was thinking about cornering James, no doubt.

"Shut up, Emmett."

He wasn't thinking of Bella, he was thinking of what he wanted to do to James.

"Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around, there's a much better chance that someone will get hurt –she'll get hurt, or you will, trying to protect her. Now, if we get him alone…" He trailed off with a slow smile.

I can't believe this is occurring like this… not only did I put her in mortal danger… now I must allow her to leave me. This was not reasonable – none of this was reasonable- how could I allow this to happen? This was devastating… it went against all of my instincts. How could I protect her if she wasn't even here? How would I allow her to leave me, I'm not certain it's possible? I couldn't live with myself…

"Bella." I said with a soft voice. "If you let anything happen to yourself –anything at all- I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?"

"Yes," she gulped.

I turned to Alice and pleaded.

"Can Jasper handle this?"

"Give him some credit, Edward. He's been doing very, very well, all things considered."

"Can you handle this?" I asked.

Alice pulled her lips back in a horrific grimace and let loose with a guttural snarl that had Bella cowering in the backseat. Alice was insulted, but I had to know. If it were anyone except Bella I wouldn't even inquire. Not only was there a sadistic Vampire out to kill her, but now I was sending her away with Jasper, who's not know for his self control yet.

I smiled at her. "But keep your opinions to yourself," I muttered suddenly.

Not pleased with the idea of Bella being alone with Alice. Alice tends to reveal too much and under the circumstances Bella didn't need to hear anything Alice might let slip. She shouldn't be aware of Alice's visions for her future. Weren't things complicated enough without her mentioning anything?

Didn't Bella have enough to deal with? Alice's visions weren't a problem, now that I've established that they would never come true. Bella's future was going to be lived out as a human… I would never turn her into what I was… ever. I merely had to contend with the current problem I've caused.

To be aware this was happening –because I was so arrogant to think I could somehow be with her –was unbearable. If she only had said yes to Mike Newton that day he asked her to the dance, none of this would be occurring. Then again, if she had said yes to him, he might be the one in mortal danger.

The monster emerged with the thought of Mike Newton; he had not forgotten him. He remembered the way he looked at her, the wicked thoughts he had of her. Drawing him back for Mike Newton was not the motivation he needed. He would appear for a greater incentive than Mike Newton.

Mike Newton may have had wicked thoughts about Bella, but I brought evil into her life. That makes me much more appalling than Mike Newton. The fact remains I should have left long ago, and because of my reckless behavior, I would have to allow her to leave me.

How could I live with myself… this was entirely my fault… how would I mend this?

**Thanks again for reading and a review would be appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 20

**The thing I've learned since reading some stories on this sight is that I really hate waiting. Call me selfish, but waiting week after week for the next chapter really makes me lose interest. I found myself looking for stories that were already complete. With this said I've decided to post the rest of the book today. Not that I have many followers but I'm sure the ones who are reading it will appreciate it. **

**This story has been complete for a long time. I've also written one for New Moon and Eclipse. At the present time I'm writing the fourth Book. I will not post these here but if you are interested in reading them PM with your email address and I'll be happy to send them to you. Thanks for reading and reviewing its been appreciated.**

**As always everything is owned by Stephanie Meyer.**

20. LOSING MY HEART

Pulling up to Bella's house I was dreading all that was approaching. She would have to enter and convince her father to allow her to leave… I was unprepared to battle the Chief of Police concerning his daughter. Trusting she could devise a plan that wouldn't result in a massive scene, uncertain of how she would arrange that.

I despised doing this to Charlie, although it would be a great deal worse if he knew the truth. Unable to imagine the lengths he would go to free his daughter from my family and I. Knowing I would do anything to ensure her safety, I'm quite certain he would too.

We couldn't risk exposure to anybody in Law Enforcement. That would have all of our kind and different agencies of the government hunting for us. Not allowing this to happen, she would have to flee the house without incident. Was it not bad enough I put his daughter in danger; did I really have to put him in danger too?

Stopping the Jeep back from the house I stretched my mind out searching the woods for James. Turning off the engine I listened intently, searching for anything out of place, attempting to gather his scent.

And so it came, the moment of no turning back, once I allowed what was about to occur inside that house, I couldn't take it back. Either I was all in now or I would have to hit the gas and keep going. The decision had to be made.

Wanting to run, wanting to take her somewhere far away to hide. The monster was attempting to convince me to run. Seeing his face in the rearview mirror, taunting me, telling me to just put the pedal to the floor. Go as fast as I could and never look back. He wanted her all to himself, to be alone with her. Aching to listen to him, I was dying to listen to my selfish side, who was convincing me to leave.

But then I saw another face… Bella's face… full of fear, anxiety and trust. She had such trust in me and was so scared; it crushed every once of selfishness I had left. Having to let her go… let her get out of here alive… let her hide safely without me. Her overwhelming trust in me was not earned and I didn't deserve it, but I would do everything in my power to be worthy of it.

"He's not here," I said tensely. "Let's go."

Emmett helped her out of the harness. "Don't worry, Bella," he said cheerfully, "we'll take care of things here quickly."

"Alice, Emmett," I commanded.

They disappeared into the darkness. Opening Bella's door, I took her hand, then, drew her into my arms. Walking her swiftly to the house, my eyes shifting all around us. Hard to believe this was real, that this was really happening. Unable to imagine that because of me she was being forced from her home, forced away from her father.

"Fifteen minutes," I warned under my breath.

"I can do this." She sniffled.

She stopped on the porch and took hold of my face with her hands. She gazed fiercely into my eyes. This was the saddest feeling I've ever had, I felt hopeless making her do this. What a creature I truly was not being able to stop this, put an end to this.

"I love you," she said in a low intense voice. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now."

She was terrified and didn't believe she was going to live. How could I have done this? Ensuring her safety, having her going away believing we'd never see each other again, was unacceptable. Having to reassure her that I would be the only one at risk here, that she would be so far removed –she would remain unscathed.

"Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella," I said just as fiercely.

"Just follow the plan, okay? Keep Charlie safe for me. He's not going to like me very much after this, and I want to have the chance to apologize later."

"Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry." I said urgently.

"One more thing," she whispered passionately. "Don't listen to another word I say tonight!" She reached up and kissed me fiercely, then turned and kicked the door open.

"Go away, Edward!" She yelled at me, running inside and slamming the door shut in my face. Although I knew this was an act it hurt me just the same. For it was my fault she had to put on this act. Desiring to erase this nightmare, to have her wake up and it be over.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie yell after her.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled back at him.

Turning, I went around the side of the house, up the wall and into her room. She entered, slammed and locked the door behind her. She grabbed a duffel bag from under the bed and I began emptying her drawers, stuffing her belongings in the bag.

Charlie was pounding on the door.

"Bella, are you okay? What's going on?" His voice frightened.

Having this man in such fear, being in the dark to what was truly happening to his daughter, pushed my belief further that she had to be safe. Requiring me to bring her back to him safe and sound.

"I'm going home," she shouted.

She gazed at me with the most miserable eyes I'd ever seen.

"Did he hurt you?" He started sounding angry.

"No!" She shrieked, as I threw her more garments.

"Did he break up with you?" Charlie was perplexed.

"No!" She yelled.

"What happened, Bella?" Charlie shouted through the door, pounding again.

His voice was so hurt; I didn't want to listen, knowing this was my fault. To have her lie to Charlie was not something I wanted to hear. The sorrow in his voice at the thought of losing his daughter made me resentful. It was my duty to return her… I had to… for him. Unable to face him with any other result.

"I broke up with him!" She shouted, jerking on the zipper of her bag. Pushing her hands out of the way, I zipped it up, putting the strap carefully over her shoulder.

"I'll be in the truck –go!" I whispered, and pushed her toward the door.

Leaping out the window, I went around the front of the house, and jumped in the truck. The tracker had pursued us, presently in the woods close to the house… closer than I preferred him to be. He was watching the show that played out in front of him, waiting to see the outcome of the evening's performance. He wouldn't attack at this moment… he'd wait for a better opportunity.

Bella came out the front door with Charlie at her heels. He stopped on the porch –she carried on to the truck. Throwing her bag in the bed of the truck.

"I'll call you tomorrow!" She yelled and got in the truck.

Reaching for her hand, she started the truck and drove away.

"Pull over," I said as the house, and Charlie, disappeared behind us.

Not wanting her to drive when she was so upset. Witnessing the shell of man we had just left, was devastating to me, but for Bella it was like a knife in the heart.

"I can drive," she said with tears running down her cheeks.

Reaching over taking her by the waist, my foot pushed hers off the gas pedal. Pulling her across my lap, I took over driving. She was to upset… I desired to reassure her… knowing that nothing I said would. What could I possibly say?

"You wouldn't be able to find the house," I explained.

Lights suddenly appeared behind us. Bella stared out the back window and began trembling.

"It's just Alice," I reassured her, taking her hand again.

"The tracker?"

"He heard the end of your performance," I said grimly.

"Charlie?" She asked.

Charlie was safe physically, as for his heart that would take some fast-talking when we returned to repair that damage. Once this was finished I would make certain he knew this was all my doing, that Bella was not to blame for anything. I could live with him loathing me, Bella couldn't. Having to make this situation right again.

"The tracker followed us. He's running behind us now."

She suddenly turned cold. I knew she was rethinking her plan.

"Can we outrun him?"

"No." I sped up anyway.

Bella was staring back at Alice's headlights, when Emmett jumped into the bed of the truck, startling her. She attempted to scream, but I put my hand over her mouth.

"It's Emmett!"

Releasing her mouth, I wound my arm around her waist. This constant fear had to stop… she needed to feel secure… calm. Her heart accelerated to quickly, practically beating out of her chest.

"It's okay, Bella," I promised. "You're going to be safe."

How could I convince her of this, of my dying before anything could happen to her, protecting her for the rest of my existence, if necessary. This situation was far beyond anything I imagined happening. Wanting to make her world and everything in it secure once more.

I was racing through town toward the north highway.

"I didn't realize you were still so bored with small-town life," I said attempting to distract her. "It seemed like you were adjusting fairly well –especially recently. Maybe I was just flattering myself that I was making life more interesting for you."

There was nothing else I could say, I attempted to lighten the mood knowing it wouldn't work. She couldn't blame herself when this was entirely my fault.

"I wasn't being nice," she confessed, looking downward. "That was the same thing my mom said when she left him. You could say I was hitting below the belt."

"Don't worry. He'll forgive you." I smiled a little.

She stared at me desperately. I felt so dreadful, powerless, and weak. How could I have done this to her? How could she ever forgive me? I've never wanted for anything as deeply as the need to make her safe… to return her to a 'normal life.'

Returning her at this moment was impossible I had to find a way to consol her. No longer being able to endure her this troubled. What could I say? How would I make this better? Words were failing me, as I couldn't think of what to say.

"Bella, it's going to be all right."

"But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," she whispered.

"We'll be together again in a few days," I said, tightening my arm around her. "Don't forget that this was your idea."

"It was the best idea –of course it was mine."

I smiled quickly at her. Yes this was her idea, but I was getting angrier by the minute, my selfish side wasn't certain it could allow her to leave when the time came. Not considering this -at this moment- her leaving distorted my mind. Needing to focus my attention on the tracker, to the degree I was capable of.

"Why did this happen? She asked. "Why me?"

I couldn't look at her. "It's my fault –I was a fool to expose you like that." Rage in my voice.

Raging was building coming closer to the moment I would allow her to leave. Being my fault I should suffer, but it was excruciating to have her suffer too.

"That's not what I meant," she insisted. "I was there, big deal. It didn't bother the other two. Why did this James decide to kill me? There're people all over the place, why me?"

I hesitated, thinking about my answer.

"I got a good look at his mind tonight," I said in a low voice. "I'm not sure if he saw you. It is partially your fault." My voice was wry. "If you didn't smell so appallingly luscious, he might not have bothered. But when I defended you… well, that made it a lot worse. He's not used to being thwarted, no matter how insignificant the object. He thinks of himself as a hunter and nothing else. His existence is consumed with tracking, and a challenge is all he asks of life. Suddenly we've presented him with a beautiful challenge –a large clan of strong fighters all bent on protecting the one vulnerable element. You wouldn't believe how euphoric he is now. It's his favorite game, and we've just made it his most exciting game ever." I was disgusted comprehending that he existed.

"But if I had stood by, he would have killed you right then," I said frustrated.

Not wanting to imagine this happening, Bella no longer in existence. The monster was beginning to surface again, but not for the reason's I'd grown accustom to. He was bitter –outraged… he wanted James… he wanted to kill James, as I did. Recoiling him for the present time, she could never see him, never know he existed.

"I thought… I didn't smell the same to the others… as I do to you," she said hesitantly.

"You don't. But that doesn't mean that you aren't still a temptation to every one of them. If you had appealed to the tracker –or any of them- the same way you appeal to me, it would have meant a fight right there."

The truth was thinking back on the first day in Biology class, the strength it took not to kill her, to resist that scent. It took every once of control I could muster, even after nearly seventy-years of resisting; I almost was overtaken by her scent. If anyone of these vampires were overpowered that way, there would be no stopping them. Their instincts would be too strong making them mad and the frenzy would be uncontrollable.

She shuddered.

"I don't think I have any choice but to kill him now," I muttered. "Carlisle won't like it."

I drove across the bridge getting closer to home. Anxiety was spreading knowing what was approaching, allowing her leave, to be forced from me. Dread washed over me as I realized I would be unable to protect her, she would be gone. Repulsed by the fact I allowed this all to happen.

Wanting to keep driving, to take her, as far away from here as possible, I knew this to be wrong. Knowing I had put her in danger, I couldn't remain with her. For it was I… who brought all of this upon her… so it would be I… who would allow her leave.

"How can you kill a vampire?"

Glancing at her, uncertain, if I ought to discuss this with her. Certainly this would allow her to envision the monster I truly was… describing how to kill another creature. If a human described how to kill another human they would be considered a monster.

Since this was going to be the out come of this hunt, I suppose I was obligated to inform her of what would take place. The fact that we had to kill the tracker and this woman vampire was not pleasant, but it was necessary. Bella had the right to know she would never have to fear them again.

"The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces."

"And the other two will fight with him?"

"The woman will. I'm not sure about Laurent. They don't have a very strong bond –he's only with them for convenience. He was embarrassed by James in the meadow…"

"But James and the woman –they'll try to kill you?" She asked.

And this was the problem with my angel? She was concerned about all the wrong things. My safety wasn't an issue here… only hers… always hers. Being capable of taking care of myself, she wasn't, not in these circumstances.

"Bella, don't you dare waste time worrying about me. Your only concern is keeping yourself safe and –please, please –trying not to be reckless."

"Is he still following?"

"Yes. He won't attack the house, though. Not tonight."

Turning up the drive, Alice was trailing behind. Driving directly to the house regretting all that was about to transpire. Desiring to turn around and run… run her as far away as possible… and never look back. Was that really unacceptable, she would be safe, she would be with me?

If I had the ability to do that, then I would have the ability to change her into one of us. There would be no difference, never being able to see her family again. Never again having a 'normal life', I couldn't exist for that, couldn't allow that. It was my responsibility to return her alive, unharmed and human, the way I discovered her.

Emmett opened Bella's door, pulled her out and tucked her to his chest, then ran to the house with her. The closer I got to her leaving, the stronger the monster surfaced, begging to be allowed out. He was becoming more difficult to contain, mounting more power. The burning in my throat shot with flames, the ache, painful.

We burst into the large white room, Emmett and Alice at my side. Everyone was there; they were already on their feet at the sound of our approach. Laurent stood in their mist. Emmett was growling as he set Bella down next to me. I grabbed her by the waist.

"He's tracking us," I announced, glaring at Laurent.

Laurent was stunned. "I was afraid of that."

Alice spoke to Jasper and they flew up the stairs together. Rosalie watched them, then, moved quickly to Emmett's side. Her eyes were intense and glaring furiously at Bella.

"What will he do?" Carlisle asked Laurent.

"I'm sorry," he answered. "I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off."

"Can you stop him?"

Laurent shook his head. "Nothing stops James when he gets started."

He was telling the truth, he knew this excited James and that he would stop at nothing to get to Bella. He was afraid of James and only followed him out of convenience. He no longer wanted to remain with him; he'd had enough of them.

"We'll stop him," Emmett promised.

"You can't bring him down. I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven."

Laurent was shaking his head. He glanced at Bella, perplexed, and back to Carlisle. "Are you sure it's worth it."

Outrage filled the room, the monster was bursting and my pain was agonizing, Laurent cringed back. My fight was not with him –being no threat to us –he was unwilling to fight. He feared James too much, and he saw what I was prepared to do to protect her. Unable to be caught in the middle of this, he desired to leave.

Carlisle looked gravely at Laurent. "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a choice."

Laurent understood, deliberating for a moment. His eyes took in every face as they swept the bright room.

"I'm intrigued by the life you've created here. But I won't get in the middle of this. I bear none of you any enmity, but I won't go up against James. I think I will head north –to that clan in Denali." He hesitated. "Don't underestimate James. He's got a brilliant mind and unparalleled senses. He's ever bit as comfortable in the human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head on… I'm sorry for what's been unleashed here. Truly sorry." He bowed his head.

He was truly sorry, in no way had anticipated this. He wished he could prevent this and be on their way. For him Bella was not appealing enough for all of this commotion. He didn't understand… he wanted to leave.

"Go in peace," was Carlisle's formal answer.

Laurent took another long look around himself, and then he hurried out the door.

"How close?" Carlisle looked at me.

Esme moved and set the security codes, which with a groan the huge metal shutters began sealing up the glass wall. We lived prepared for anything, never knowing what might come about, remaining ready for any unforeseen circumstance.

There was so much we had to be prepared for, things I found repulsive to think about. At this moment I was thankful we were prepared, having what we would need to track and dispose of these vile creatures. There was nothing I wanted more.

"About three miles out past the river; he's circling around to meet up with the female."

"What's the plan?"

"We'll lead him off, and then Jasper and Alice will run her south."

"And then?"

My tone was deadly. "As soon as Bella's clear, we hunt him."

"I guess there's no other choice," Carlisle agreed, his face grim.

Detesting saying this, I detested having Carlisle say this, but I truly realized no other option. This tracker was not leaving any time soon. Knowing what had to be done, and I was pretty certain Carlisle did too.

Turning to Rosalie… loathing to ask her… it was necessary… I would do anything to protect Bella, even, if that meant putting my differences with Rosalie on reserve. Requiring her help, I was willing to use any measures necessary.

"Get her upstairs and trade clothes," I commanded. She stared back at me with livid disbelief.

"Why should I?" She hissed. "What is she to me? Except a menace –a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us."

"Rose…" Emmett murmured, putting one hand on her shoulder. She shook it off.

Looking away from Rosalie –I couldn't deal with her presently.

"Esme?" I asked calmly.

"Of course," Esme murmured.

Esme went to Bella, swung her up in her arms and dashed up the stairs with her. Staying with Emmett and Carlisle, we gathered the things required to hunt the tracker.

The monster thrilled with excitement, rejoicing, being exactly what he existed for. Only -in this moment- I was pleased he hadn't disappeared forever, I needed him now. If I was bound for what I knew was headed… his help would required.

Requiring his help made me remorseful, but I needed him. How could I need such a creature? How did things progress, so far, that I was expected to call upon him to resolve it? This was a contraction in itself –for him to make things right –that didn't appear to be possible.

"Emmett, Edward, you will accompany me -we'll go after this James- Rosalie and Esme will watch the woman. I don't relish killing another creature… but if we must… we must." Carlisle spoke with authority, formulating the arrangements.

"We have to stop him, I won't quit until he's gone." I said harshly.

"Don't worry Edward, we'll get him." Emmett promised.

"It should be me… alone… I can't request you all to carry this out with me. It's not right." I exclaimed.

"You're our family Edward, your problems are our problems too." Carlisle said in such a fatherly way. "You never have to request for us to accompany you, it's just assumed." Carlisle glanced at Rosalie.

"It's too late to fight about who was wrong anyway. Let's just get this over with." Rosalie offered.

"Thank you Rosalie." I said quietly.

"Don't thank me, we haven't done anything yet." She whispered.

Esme and Bella returned from upstairs. Emmett and I were ready to go, Emmett had the backpack of supplies over his shoulder. Carlisle handed a phone to Esme and also one to Alice.

"Esme and Rosalie will be taking your truck, Bella," Carlisle told her as he passed. She nodded.

"Alice, Jasper –take the Mercedes. You'll need the dark tint in the south."

They nodded as well.

"We're taking the jeep."

"Alice," Carlisle asked, "will they take the bait."

Everyone watched Alice, as she closed her eyes and became incredibly motionless. Finally her eyes opened and I knew immediately without a word. "He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave after that." Her voice was certain. And so was I.

"Let's go." Carlisle began to walk toward the kitchen. Him and Emmett went out the back door.

The most excruciating moment of my existence just arrived. This was when I must allow her to leave me. Unable to do this… the ache was too painful… I couldn't just walk away from her. Attempting to my feet wouldn't move. Looking at her… attempting to build the strength to leave… remembering why I was required to do this.

In her face remained the trust she had in me… the love she felt for me… and the pain it caused her to leave me. She felt just as hurt as I had in this moment. I wanted to comfort her. To assure her that we would be together again soon… but I couldn't… for this was a fact I was not certain of. Unbearable to think this would be the last time I would see her… touch her… smell her sweet scent.

Her eyes were a different story; they were filled with anguish, fear and terror. She had such strength agreeing to do this, even though she was so terrified. Desiring to comfort her, to remove the terror in her eyes, I couldn't and I despised myself for that.

Loathing, that this could be my last memory of her face, so torn between pain and fear. How I longed to see her beautiful smile, to hear her glorious laugh, when she perceived something ridiculous. Yearning to see her cheeks blush scarlet red from my touch, instead I've rendered her to anxiety and dread.

Going immediately to Bella's side, I drew her to me, lifting her off the ground and kissing her for a short second. Placing her down, still holding her face, burning my eyes into hers. All feelings drained from me… turning, I walked away.

The monster resurfaced… back in full force… wanting to find the object of his desire. He was full of hatred and torment desiring to find and kill this other creature. For this creature had taken away his true desire and he was angered. He wanted him to pay for this… to torture him… to make him pay for what he had done. He wanted this James to suffer as much as he had suffered.

The conflicting torture inside of me was hard to reconcile. Feeling guilty, ashamed, unworthy of her love. And the monster, he felt happy, excited and elated he would get what he wanted. How could such feelings exist in the same company? It was a constant battle for control, for power, for me to remain calm and be intelligent about this.

Trusting this was all for her, I would regain control. Implementing what was required to make her safe and capable of returning. Being my true goal, I would preserve that in my memory, in order to succeed. Not allowing the monster to contemplate for me or even influence what needed to be accomplished, I would utilize him when necessary.

We would succeed… we had too… I would accept no other outcome. I have already lost my heart… I couldn't afford to lose her too!

**Once again reviews are always welcome, any reveiw -good or bad- I'm a big girl I can take. It can only make me a better writer.**

**Thanks again for reading.**


	9. Chapter 21

**All rights owned by Stephanie Meyer.**

21. THE HUNT

Proceeding through the kitchen, out the back door I got into the jeep. That was the hardest thing I'd been forced to do in my whole existence. To walk away from her… in this moment of danger… leaving her vulnerable… unable to protect herself.

Leaving her so scared and full of anxiety shattered me to the very core. The expression on her face was not one I wished to remember. Requiring me to change this, to make her safe and to see her smile again. Having to win this battle and be certain this never happens again.

How was I to resolve this? What was my plan? Putting too many people in danger, I've requested too much of my family. Needing to do this alone, I couldn't expect them to put everything at risk for me, that wasn't rational.

The tracker was following us as planned. Sensing the excitement in him, he was elated the hunt had begun. The challenge overwhelmed him, it was one of the greatest of his existence, and he was thrilled.

We drove through town getting him as far away from the house as possible. Carlisle intentionally went north out of town incase he decided to attack us. We didn't need innocent bystanders hurt or even witnessing the struggle. The silence was excruciating to me.

"I'm so sorry about all things considered. To involve everyone this way; I hope one day you can forgive me." I said earnestly.

"Edward, I haven't had this much excitement in years." Emmett bellowed.

"You would say that." I snapped.

"Oh come on Edward, quit wallowing already." He said. "You've been doing that way too long."

"We need to concentrate presently, so settle down." Carlisle added.

"Don't worry, Alice was accurate he's following us." I said.

"So what's the strategy now?" Carlisle asked.

"First, we let him follow us until Bella is safely gone, then we turn the tables on him. We hunt him down… and kill him." I answered angrily.

"Alright, we'll keep heading north, we'll need to be away from populated areas." Carlisle added.

We drove in silence, while I reflected on everything that had happened. How many mistakes I've made. My fear was that I couldn't make this right… that I couldn't make her safe again… and I had to… if it was the last thing I do.

The cell phone rang; it was Esme letting us know that the woman had followed them. Carlisle hung up and dialed Alice, handing me the phone.

"Your clear to leave, the woman is on Esme's trail. The tracker is following us, go now, and don't stop until you reach Phoenix." I said. "Take care, and make her safe. We'll call when there's something to report you. Bye." I finished hanging up the phone.

"Their leaving now, she's going to get away, Carlisle. Now we can concentrate on what we have to do." I acknowledged.

What we were required to do was the one thing Carlisle loathed. Killing anyone even a vile creature such as James was not pleasant for him. Carlisle was a man of faith always hoping for a peaceful ending in any situation. Unfortunately, that was not the case here there would be no peaceful ending here. There was no easy ending, as in the case of the rapist that had tried to attack Bella –we could not drop James off at the nearest police station.

"It's going to be all right Edward, we'll take care of this tracker quickly, and then Bella can return." Carlisle stated.

"Again I apologized for dragging you into this. This is not what I meant to happen." I said sincerely.

"Edward, you can not keep beating yourself up for this. We are all so pleased you found Bella… she makes you so happy. It may appear wrong at the moment… but it merely appears that way. Sometimes things don't appear like they'll work out, that's where faith comes in, have a little faith." Carlisle expressed.

"Thank you Carlisle for you tremendous support." I said.

Carlisle provided me with much to consider, especially about the right and wrong of this situation. He was a man of faith and I certainly wasn't. Maybe on this occasion he was correct, maybe I ought to attempt to have some faith. Why can't this work out? Why can't things go in my favor for a change? Don't I deserve this?

Logic advises me differently. Logic warns me this couldn't work out because we were too different. Bella was fragile, soft and warm. I was strong, hard and cold. How could we exist together? I was a monster and she was an angel.

Logic also reminds me of the horrific things I've done in my time. My behavior in the past had not always been honorable. Having a lot of regrets in my years of existence. My behavior has been shameful. Have I truly done enough to make up for that?

Lastly I don't deserve her; she's too lovely for me. She would never put me in this position, how could I her? She wouldn't blame me for this… but I do… it is my fault. There was no denying the mess I made, and hopefully I could make it right.

Choosing to concentrate on the tracker, needing to find him, to take care of him. I needed to make things right again. How would we accomplish this? He was persistent, ruthless and very eager. He loved the thrill of this game, and with me protecting her made him extremely delighted. He was prepared to wage war against my family and I, doing anything to get to her.

Searching for his thoughts I was unable to hear them. Aware he was still following I couldn't figure what he was thinking. He was very wise; staying just far enough away I was unable to uncover his thoughts.

Dawn had passed and we were heading into the afternoon. We continued heading north hoping to capture some of his thoughts, but not succeeding. Wanting to hear him… needing to hear him… that way we could corner him. He was so clever we couldn't get near him.

Suddenly Carlisle's phone rang.

"Esme, what's happening?" Carlisle asked.

Listening to the conversation in Carlisle's head.

_The woman turned around and went back to Forks, were heading there too. _Esme said.

"Good, go back and keep an eye on Chief Swan, make certain he's safe." Carlisle responded.

_Were going to try and figure out what she's up to._ Esme said.

"If you find out anything, call us back, be safe and take care." Carlisle ended.

"I heard, everything, what do you think their up to?" I asked.

"I'm not certain, but they'll keep their eye on the woman and Charlie." Carlisle explained.

"Well, let's attempt to get closer to him then. Pull over and let me out here." I requested.

"Are you certain that's a good idea Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, I have to get close enough to him. I'll wait until he follows you and then follow him. Hopefully I'll get close enough to hear him." I explained.

"Alright. But don't attempt anything without us. You'll require our help!" He promised.

"I won't, I want this done right." I assured.

Getting out I located a place in the forest to wait. Carlisle and Emmett proceeded up the highway. Attempting to free my mind so he could not hear my thoughts. Recognizing he shared the same gift as I, but unable to see his range or how well it worked. This would have gone better had I paid more attention to what his skills were rather than what he desired. It appears I'm always paying attention to the wrong detail.

Catching his scent the surveillance was on and I began to follow. He remained far enough away from the car that he could still follow, but not hear what was going on. Providing me the knowledge that he knew, I could read his mind. Attempting to remain undetected I followed cautiously.

Wondering where we were headed filled his mind. Denali, the place he thought we were headed. Concerning him a little, extremely more challenging to face more of us. The prospect of this was seemly more exciting, having more of a battle, putting his skills to use.

His thoughts about Bella and my family were appalling, repulsive, I couldn't listen any further. Unable to imagine someone so evil, having thoughts so dreadful. But, I needed to keep listening hearing precisely the right moment to surprise him.

He said _hello _as if he was talking to someone. I ascertained he had a cell phone. The only other words I made out were him saying he would call back. Then he took off running in the other direction. What had I missed? Who was he talking to?

Pulling the phone from my pocket I swiftly dialed Carlisle.

"He's turned around, something caught his attention and he took off the other way." I said.

_Did you hear anything Edward? Where do you think he's headed?_ Carlisle asked.

"I'm not sure, but I'm on his trail, turn around. By the time you get here, I might know something." I informed.

_Were on our way! _Carlisle ended.

Remaining on his trail I struggled to get close enough… close enough to acquire anything. He stayed far enough away, frustrating me that I couldn't make out his thoughts. Although, I remained terrified that he would hear my thoughts, especially where Bella was.

Carlisle and Emmett were appropriately on my trail never shifting. We proceeded on, arriving just outside of Vancouver. Coming upon his scent again I started to follow, calling Carlisle to inform him.

"Carlisle, I pick up his scent again, he's headed through the forest. Stay with the car and I'll call if I need help." revealing to him.

Proceeding into the forest, I stumbled across another scent, this one was distinct, this one was human. The scents blended together and I followed them further. As I got deeper into the forest I heard his voice.

_Can you hear me? Can you hear them?_ James said.

Hearing him I was perplexed, why now, why would he want me to hear him? What was he up to? Without a response he knew I was there. Unwilling to participate his game playing, we needed to end this as quickly as possible.

_You can still save them?_ He added.

As he spoke I could see through his eyes, see precisely what he was seeing. There in the forest were two men, hunting. These two unsuspecting human hunters had know idea they just became the hunted. Seeing exactly what the trackers intention were when it came to these poor innocent humans. Needing to do something, I had to stop him, and I needed Carlisle and Emmett. Pulling the phone from my pocket I dialed Carlisle.

"He's going to kill two men, what do I do?" I panicked.

Carlisle spoke calmly and to the point, asking me where James was.

"I don't know exactly, but I think I could find him. Just keep following me and I lead the way." I ended, hanging up.

Listening more intently now, he spoke to me again.

_There's not much time left, you better hurry, if you plan to save them._ He taunted.

Running faster, he started to draw me closer. He was watching them, making me see them too. As I came nearer, I struggled with what I would do, how I would stop him? I would definitely need Emmett and Carlisle's help. Dialing the phone again.

"Come now Carlisle, right now." I said with chagrin.

James dangled them in front of me, hoping I would step in and help these innocent humans. I wanted to, I commanded my legs to run, but they wouldn't. Unable to understand what was happening. Why would I not move? How could I allow these innocent people to die because of me? I couldn't… I wouldn't… but I did.

In that split second of my indecision it was over. Watching in horror as he slaughtered these two innocent men. As he murdered these men he kept picturing Bella, he kept her face in his mind. Dropping to my knees with the knowledge of what I had allowed to happen. How could this be? How could I not have stopped him? It was over in seconds, these men lay motionless, and there was no sign of the tracker. He had fled without seeing which way he went.

On my knees confused and astonished by my actions, I screamed the only thing I could… I screamed for the only person who could help… I screamed for Carlisle.

"Did you hear anything Edward?" Carlisle approached with Emmett.

"Nothing! I didn't hear anything… he killed them Carlisle. He slaughtered them, I couldn't, and I didn't." I raised my hands in defeat.

"Where do you think he's headed?" Emmett asked.

Confusion ran threw me, I couldn't think, all I could see was him massacring these poor men. How I allowed him to do that, how I was unable to do anything to stop him. Thoughts swirled my mind, the vision came clear and swiftly. Thoughts of him doing this to Bella refocused my mind at once, snapping me back to attention. My thoughts quickly resided on what we were here for, to make my Bella safe.

"I think he's going back to Forks, he's figure out she's not with us and that were not going to her." I said.

"I'm going to call Esme." Carlisle said picking up the phone and calling.

"What is the woman up to now?" Carlisle asked.

_I've been watching Charlie and Rosalie stayed with the woman. She's been all over town stopping at the school, the airport; she was at Bella's house while Charlie was at work._ Esme answered.

"I've lost him! Carlisle he's gone, I allowed him to escape." I yelled.

"Esme stay with Charlie and have Rosalie remain on the woman's trail. We'll call back when we can confirm anything." Carlisle said and hung up.

"Look we're right near the airport. Do you think he's jumped a plane?" Emmett asked.

"I'm not sure… I think maybe he did, it would explain the sudden disappearance. What do we do Carlisle?" I said panicked.

"I think we should head back to Forks and start again too?" Carlisle said.

We began our return to Forks. Feeling so inadequate… ineffectual… hopeless. How could I lose him? Anticipating something like this happening, we should've had a better plan. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking, being so consumed with worry and hate, I was unable think, another mistake. It appears I couldn't stop making them.

Allowing him to murder two people in front of me was beyond comprehension. The fact that I didn't stop him, unable do anything, my weakness was devastating. I'd lost my focus, powerless to think about anything, accept what he had done.

"Edward, there was nothing you could do." Carlisle said sympathetically.

"You didn't see, you weren't there, you don't know." I answered.

"You couldn't take him alone, were to blame, we weren't fast enough." Carlisle charged.

"I didn't move Carlisle, I just watched, my legs wouldn't move. How could I do that? How could I let that happen?" I said remorsefully.

"Edward, don't forget what were doing, you can't fall apart now. Bella is depending on you." He reminded. "You need to focus on our purpose, think of Bella, she needs your help."

"Your right, I'll try." I said.

Refocusing my mind… I had to find him. What could he possibly be doing? Where was he going? Desiring to be better at this, yearning to figure out what was happening. Supposing Bella had finally figured out the one thing I was not excellent at. Wishing so much it was not this.

Needing to phone Bella, I had let her know of my failure.

"We lost him Alice, we followed him to just outside of Vancouver, and then he got on a plane." Carlisle said.

"I just saw him. He was in a room full of mirrors and a wooden floor. He'll be in this room today or tomorrow. He's waiting for something, I can't make out what." Alice said.

"Put Bella on the phone Alice." Carlisle said, handing me the phone.

"Hello?" She breathed.

"Bella," I said.

"Oh, Edward! I was so worried."

"Bella," I sighed frustrated, 'I told you not to worry about anything but yourself."

"Where are you?"

"We're outside of Vancouver. Bella, I'm sorry –we lost him. He seems suspicious of us- he's careful to stay just far enough away that I can't hear what he's thinking. But he's gone now –it looks like he got on a plane. We think he's heading back to Forks to start over."

"I know. Alice saw that he got away."

"You don't have to worry, though. He won't find anything to lead him to you. You just have to stay there and wait till we find him again."

"I'll be fine. Is Esme with Charlie?"

"Yes –the female has been in town. She went to the house, but while Charlie was at work. She hasn't gone near him; so don't be afraid. He's safe with Esme and Rosalie watching."

"What is she doing?"

"Probably trying to pick up the trail. She's been all through the town during the night. Rosalie traced her through the airport, all the roads around town, the school… she's digging, Bella, but there's nothing to find."

"And you're sure Charlie's safe?"

"Yes, Esme won't let him out of her sight. And we'll be there soon. If the tracker gets anywhere near Forks, we'll have him."

"I miss you," she whispered.

"I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half myself away with you."

"Come and get it, then," she challenged.

"Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first." I promised.

"I love you," she said.

"Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?"

"Yes, I can, actually."

"I'll come for you soon."

"I'll be waiting."

Hanging up the phone I dropped my head. Despising I'd allowed her go, again. If I could cry, I would… she sounded so worried… so scared… so miserable. Having to help her… I had to make this right. Needing to lie, unable to let her know what had happened, she would only blame herself and that was intolerable. Not allowing her to take the blame for something I did, or in this instance didn't do.

In all my existence I have never felt so shameful, so useless, so disgusted with myself. Not even in the years that I had left Carlisle. The fact that I had made an enormous mess of this was beginning to take its toll on me.

As we drove through the night, I pondered what the difference was between the tracker and I. It was not that long ago my wish was to kill Bella. My instincts took completely over then, so where were they now. Needing to rely on my instincts, I was certain they would be helpful in resolving this. Being capable of thinking as he does, figuring out what his next move would be. We were similar, with similar abilities it shouldn't be that hard to think as he does.

Knowing of one sure way to tap my senses, I required thinking as a vampire. But I had buried that part of me so long ago, I'm not certain it can return. Although… if the monster could return… then certainly the rest could. He was already bursting to emerge, and sometime I was going to have to permit him.

Replaying everything in my head, something kept bothering me. What was he up to? Why would he show me what he had? There had to be a reason he brought us out so far, only to turn around. What was he distracting me from, what was he hiding? There had to be a reason for his madness. Lastly, why would they split up?

Why did she go back to Forks? What could she possibly hope to accomplish? What was she looking for? Esme said she went to Bella's house, the airport, all through the roads in town and the school… the school. That was it.

"Carlisle… We have to go to Phoenix… NOW!" I said loudly.

"Edward, what is it?" Carlisle asked anxiously.

"He's going to Phoenix! The woman was at the school… at the school. Bella's records… they show where she came from." I said panicked. "He knows where she is."

"Are you certain?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, we have to go now." I said frustrated.

How could I not have seen this? This whole chase had been a ploy to distract us from their true goal. Those unfortunate men died to merely distract me, and it worked.

"We can catch a plane in Seattle, we'll get their faster Edward."

Would this be fast enough, we needed to get to Bella before he did. There was no way I'd let her down. She couldn't suffer the same fate as those two hunters had. Beyond everything else I knew I had the strength to stop him. No matter what I had to do… I would stop him.

**Thanks again for reading. Review away.**


	10. Chapter 22

**All rights owned by Stephanie Meyer.**

22. THE RACE

Driving toward the airport I reviewed the day's events. All this time we were chasing him and she was obtaining all the information. How could I not see this? How did I miss this? The devious way they think, the evilness in their thoughts. Needing to get better at this, producing the vampire existing within.

Allowing the monster out to formulate a plan, a strategy was what we needed. He would ensure they couldn't escape with absolutely no guilt. Permitting that, would I be able to restore him was finished? After releasing him previously reining him back in was very difficult, my fear if I allow him loose would be losing control over myself.

Necessity, considering his release, anything that would put her world back… back the way it was previously. When I thought about how unhappy she sounded it devastated me. Needing to make her smile… make her laugh again. Doing anything to restore her world I would allow him to take control, and risk everything else.

Sensing the monster rejoicing… he demanded to be released… he craved to attack. He haunted me with anger and revulsion. Consuming me with what I required to save her. If I were proficient enough to get near the tracker… close enough… he wouldn't stand a chance. This set in motion my obsession, to stalk and kill, this vile creature, hell bent on destroying my existence.

Desiring to release the monster precisely, enough to decipher the pursuit. As I sat in the car I began strategizing exactly when this would happen. My first priority would be to relocate Bella somewhere safe, somewhere he might never find her. In order to do that, I would have to get to her first.

We arrived outside the airport and parked the car. Carlisle sensed the change in me but didn't say anything, at least not out loud.

_Edward, are you certain you can handle this? _Carlisle asked.

Ignoring him, there was nothing I could say. Anything I declared to him now would be a lie, and I wasn't able to lie, not to Carlisle. We walked inside the airport, Carlisle went to the ticket counter, and Emmett and I waited in the chairs.

"Edward, were going to make it, she'll be safe." Emmett promised.

Emmett couldn't understand, incapable of seeing the sick, sadistic thoughts James produced. Not recognizing the evil, depraved way this creature thought. The entire pleasure this game brings to him. How he reveled in the pain and anguish of those two hunters. And there was no way to compel him to understand. To Emmett, James was merely an annoyance.

Carlisle came walking over with tickets in his hand. Admiring him for the strength he encompassed, emerging calm in any circumstance. Assuming after nearly four hundred years he's experienced everything. Pleasing me he was on my side, if anyone can help me recede, once I released the monster, Carlisle could.

"We're on the first flight to Phoenix, that gives us almost an hour." Carlisle said.

"Carlisle I can't wait an hour, I have to go now." I replied.

"Edward, it will take you longer to run there, we should wait." He said.

"How can I wait? How can I just remain here aware she's in trouble?" I panicked.

"You can't do anything if you're not there." He said.

Recognizing he was right, still, how could he expect me to just sit here waiting? Already feeling inadequate needing to do something. The monster was already formulating a plans, becoming excited about the outcome of this day.

"Alright Carlisle, we'll do it your way, because my way doesn't appear to be working." I gave in.

"I'm going to call Alice and advise them of our arrival. I'll have them meet us at the airport." Carlisle said.

"That would be best, for we could go anywhere from there." I answered.

Time passed so slowly… I was eager to get out of here… and so was the monster. Feeling like I was going mad, as if none of this was real. It couldn't possibly be real, could this be what a nightmare consisted of? It wasn't that long ago, that I was the nightmare, and now I'm existing in one.

At last, it was time to board the plane. Carlisle, Emmett and I proceeded through the gates to the plane. Taking our seats the plane took off. As we flew through the sky I could feel us getting closer to her.

If I was a praying man, I would pray right now to make it to her in time. I would pray she was safe and sound, and I would pray that this plane would move a little faster. But since I'm not a praying man, I'll just hope instead, and leave the praying to Carlisle.

We sat silently waiting… waiting to face a dreadful situation. Even now, I'm not convinced that Emmett and Carlisle should be doing this with me. What if something were to go terribly wrong and they ended up hurt or worse. There are way too many people involved here; I needed to end this quickly.

Instead of spending the rest of the flight worried about all the details, I decided to spend the rest of the time with Bella. Closing my eyes I began thinking of better times… happier times… times still to come. Thinking about how we would be after we put this behind us, happy… I would do everything to make her happy, again.

We finally arrived in Phoenix, I could practically feel her we were so close. We got off the plane and went through security. Feeling exceedingly anxious as I looked through the crowd searching for Bella, I was unable to find her, where was she? Then, I heard Alice… something was wrong… she didn't sound normal. Searching the room, I spotted her.

"Alice." I yelled out.

"Edward, I'm… so… sorry." She cried.

"Alice?" Then I saw… she's gone. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"

"What's happened?" Carlisle asked.

"She took off on us Carlisle, she just left!" Alice claimed.

"Where would she go Alice?" Carlisle said panicked.

"The room with all the mirrors, apparently it's her old dance studio, near her house." Alice said.

Catching the last part, I ran. Running through the airport I took off out the front doors. Alice had already located her, I saw that much before leaving. Running for my life now, I intended to locate her. Not caring if I exposed myself, not caring if anyone saw me, my only thought was to find her, before it was too late.

How could she do this? How could she meet him alone, unprotected? Why wouldn't she tell me? Comprehending she was insane and willing to die for all of us. How could I protect her, if she refused to protect herself?

As I ran through the garage of the airport I spotted a Porsche. Deciding it would be far more practical to drive, rather that expose my way of traveling to the people of Phoenix. Pulling out of the garage in a shiny new Porsche, I knew I would be forgiven under these circumstances.

As I closed in on the dance studio, I could hear him, see her through his eyes. She tried to run, but he was in front of her in a flash. He smashed his fist into her chest, causing her to fly backward, her head smashed into the mirrors. Continuing to drive as fast as I could, I needed to get there.

The pain was agonizing, she gasped for air, struggling to breath. She couldn't think… gain control… I worried she couldn't endure much more. She'd never imagined his power or his strength. The worst part was that he was holding back, if he unleashed all of his force, it would mean death certainly.

_That's a very nice effect_, he told her. _I thought this room would be visually dramatic for my little film. That's why I picked this place to meet you. It's perfect, isn't it?_

She was severely injured and frightened. She scrambled to her hands and knees and started to crawl toward the door. The monster was writhing outward, he was rigidly moving around waiting to be freed. He couldn't sit by and watch her die; he struggled to be free.

James walked over to her at once, his foot stepping down hard on her leg breaking it. Unable to endure anymore I had to get there… put an end to this. Clearing my thoughts… I couldn't let him know I was coming… he'd kill her at once. Silencing my head, hoping what he was doing would preoccupy him enough.

_Would you like to rethink your last request?_ He asked. He nudged her broken leg. She let out a scream, it was excruciating.

_Wouldn't you rather have Edward try to find me?_ he prompted.

_No!_ She cried. _No, Edward, don't_…

So was so weak… so breakable… so fragile. She kept wishing he would end this quickly… she prayed for death. She wanted to put an end, to this pain and agony. Reading this on her face, see it in her eyes, how she pleaded with him. Unable to bear this any longer, for her to pray for immediate death, I required her to fight… to live. The anger and resentment washed completely over me and I was overcome with fury.

The monster was fully engaged now. He was raging, bursting to get at him, to grab him and tear him apart. The violence the monster was wielding was brutal and ruthless. Allowing him out –I needed him –needing him to ultimately finish this.

The tracker then kicked her, sending her backward into the broken mirror, cutting open her head. Blood started gushing from the wound. Being the worst possible thing that could occur, blood gushing would propel him into an uncontrollable rage. I was just around the corner by now.

The monster reached his climax, ready to strike. My throat was engulfed with fire, the venom was swimming around my mouth, and my muscles sprang in anticipation. Violence and brutality were the only things left in my mind.

She knew this was her moment, she knew he wouldn't be able to resist the blood that was gushing from her wound. She kept praying for a swift death… to stop the ache. Impossible to watch any longer, it's vital I get there and stop this; she couldn't choose death.

Screeching the car around the last corner, jumping out, I ran for my life. Bursting through the doors into the studio, I ran towards him, and with no shreds of the human I used to be, I wielded every once of hate I had at him, wielding him backward across the room. Going to Bella I swept her up and headed toward the door. He seized my foot sending Bella flying in front of me; he swung me around throwing me into the wall of mirrors.

Brushing myself off I looked at him as he grabbed Bella by the arm and bite down. Bounding across the room, I smashed into him. Pinning him against the wall… the rage enveloped me as never before. Biting his neck… taking a chunk of flesh off.

Throwing him across the room, I ran after him, this wouldn't be a slow death, it needed to be drawn out, painful. The monster wouldn't allow it any other way. Smashing into him again, breaking another set of mirrors. Clutching him by the throat, he was trying to devise a plan, but I moved to swiftly for him, biting again, acquiring another chunk.

Preparing to take another piece of him, Carlisle grasped my arm.

"Enough… Edward… enough." He pleaded.

Looking at him, I could only see rage, anger, and wrath.

"Let him go, Edward, remember who you are. Your brothers will take care of him." He continued. Emmett and Jasper filed in behind him.

Struggling with this request, I wanted to kill him, rip him limb from limb.

"Bella needs you Edward."

All the words I needed to hear. Saying what I was required to hear, breaking my clutch on him. Turning, I stared at Bella, swiftly moved to her side. She appeared so broken… so damaged. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't responding.

"Bella, please! Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please!" I begged.

"Carlisle!" I called agonized. Was I too late? Would she survive this? She had to.

"Bella!" I cried.

"She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep," Carlisle assessed. "Watch out for her leg, it's broken."

"He… did… that!" I howled.

"Some ribs, too, I think," Carlisle continued.

She was struggling. I gasped for air, she was alive… she hadn't given up.

"Edward." She tried to talk.

"Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella? I love you."

"Edward," She tried.

"Yes, I'm here."

"It hurts," she whimpered.

She had to be in pain, after witnessing the brutality she was forced to endure, she must be in tremendous pain. Desiring to stop it, I had to make it go away.

"I know, Bella, I know" –I turned to Carlisle- "can't you do anything?"

He needed to stop this pain; she had been through enough. I couldn't endure it anymore… if I couldn't stop it… Carlisle must.

"My bag, please… Hold your breath, Alice, it will help," Carlisle promised.

"Alice?" Bella groaned.

"She's here, she knew where to find you."

"My hand hurts," she told me.

"I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something, it will stop."

"My hand is burning!" She screamed.

She released a howling scream much more powerful than I expected. The pain was overwhelming her, but Carlisle would put an end to that.

"Bella?" I was frightened.

"The fire! Someone stop the fire!" She screamed again.

"Carlisle! Her hand!"

"He bit her." Carlisle was appalled.

Gasping in horror. No! No! This can't happen. The venom must be spreading, oh for the love of all that is holy, could nothing go my way?

"Edward, you have to do it." Alice said as she brushed Bella's eyes.

"No!" I bellowed.

"Alice," Bella moaned.

"There may be a chance," Carlisle said.

Carlisle had never mentioned anything about stopping the venom from spreading and the transformation happening. Could this actually work? Did he know what he was doing?

"What?" I begged.

"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." Carlisle said as he was stitching up her head.

What was this? Suck it back out? He knew what that entailed and I couldn't do that. With the monster so close to the surface there was no way I would be able to stop.

"Will that work?" Alice's voice was strained.

"I don't know," Carlisle said. "But we have to hurry."

"Carlisle, I…" I hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that." I was agonized… tormented… how could I do that? Could I do that without killing her? Uncertain this was possible. Could I attempt this not knowing the out come? Could I risk Bella's life once more?

"It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

"Edward!" She screamed. She opened her eyes and looked at me, my face full of indecision and pain.

"Alice, get me something to brace her leg!" Carlisle bent over Bella working on her head. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."

Going from doubt to determination in an instant. I had to do this… I needed to do this. Attempting anything to make her well. Tightening my jaw, I locked my hands around her arm, and bent my head over pressing my lips against her skin.

It was more excruciating then I ever imagined, the sweet taste of her blood. It was what I desired from the moment I first laid my eyes on her. The monster rejoiced, slithering back out. Lost in the luscious taste that was making its way into my mouth. Becoming disoriented and confused, I was losing control.

Tasting her blood drove my mind into frenzy… I wanted more… I needed more… I simply couldn't get enough. Being the best blood I've ever tasted, it was impossible to stop. How had I denied myself this for so long?

As her warm blood flowed through my mouth, the burn in my throat was leaving and the ache in my stomach eased. There was no way to withdraw… I required more… I desired more. Wanting this feeling to last my whole existence, feeling this from this day forward.

As I drank more and more, my body was warming and my mind was slipping further away. My strength was building with every drop; I was becoming stronger than I'd ever been. Feeling her blood running warm threw my veins I could feel the peak of exhilaration coming.

Struggling to figure out why I gave up this life-style to begin with, when it made me feel so extraordinary. This was the part of our existence we had resisted, and at this moment, I couldn't quite remember why. Why would we do that when it was our instinct… our chosen path… when so many of us lived this way. To have this knowledge, to struggle against it -the frenzy it caused- was useless. I was losing this battle. My mind twisted and turned, I couldn't think straight.

Being the greatest sensation I'd ever encountered, I knew I couldn't endure.

There was no way I could release… relinquish… no way I could cease. Wanting this to last forever, to contain her sweet scent flowing through my veins. Closing my eyes I relished the taste of her, running rapidly through me. I loved it… I loved her.

I loved her… I chose to stop… I couldn't kill her!

One thought, one moment, was all it took to make me realize that I wanted to stop… I desired to stop… that I didn't want to kill her. I struggled -with all that was in me- to create a different reality, one where she lived, one where she was human. Loving her surpassed the monsters power; I needed to withdraw at once.

Needing to be reminded of the reasons behind my actions; I struggled to look at her. Gazing into her eyes I saw him looking back, he was clearly strong, but I was stronger. I desired to push him away, as far away as possible. He had his time and now his time was over. He needed to return to the place he belonged, no longer would I tolerate him, I wanted him gone.

Seeing everything clearly now, envisioning us together and happy for an eternity. Wishing for Bella to be alive and well… she desired to be with me… always. I couldn't lose her now… I choose to be with her… I wanted to love her.

Being able to taste the morphine reassured me there was no more venom. Bella's eyes began closing establishing my need to cease … I had to stop… pushing the monster deep down. He wanted to keep going, to drain her of all her blood, he hadn't had enough, but I couldn't allow this. I must regain control… to establish enough strength… to free myself of him.

_Enough… Edward… Enough._

Breaking free of her arm, I pushed myself backward and gasped for air. This was the sweetest tasting blood I'd ever encountered. That fact repulsed me… I couldn't feel this way. How would I ever forget? Not wanting to carry this with me for an eternity, I had to find a way to forget. It was useless; I would never forget how she tasted. My throat was in flames, my thirst was agonizing and the monster was aching to be unleashed.

Enough… Enough

"Edward," Bella tried to say.

Unable to speak yet, still fighting for control. Hearing her voice I knew for certain I had done the right thing. Hearing her voice brought the last once of strength I needed to put the monster away for good.

"He's right here, Bella."

"Stay, Edward, stay with me…"

Hearing her say that sent a calm threw me helping me to regain control of myself.

"I will." I managed to say.

"Is it all out?" Carlisle asked.

"Her blood tastes clean," I said quietly. "I can taste the morphine."

It was more than clean tasting… it was lusciously sweet. I'd never be able to forget that flavor. The pure delight it gave me was unbearable… I had to forget… push it away. I was stronger than that; too disciplined to allow this to simply ruin everything for me. I loved her and the alternative would be to kill her, I couldn't do that.

"Bella?" Carlisle called to her.

"Mmmm?" she answered.

"Is the fire gone?"

"Yes," she sighed. "Thank you, Edward."

She was thanking me for something that I had caused. Fortifying to me that she was an angel, sent to me, and even though I was the wrong person for such an angel, I wanted to remain with her.

"I love you," I answered.

"I know," she breathed, so tired.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked again.

"What?" She frowned.

"Where is your mother?"

"In Florida," she sighed. "He tricked me, Edward. He watched our videos." She answered.

He fooled all of us, right from the start he knew what he was doing, and I didn't. I loathed the fact that he was able to do that. With all my concern focused on Bella, I missed so much of his intentions. The overwhelming worry for her clouded my mind like never before.

"I know he tricked all of us, but he's gone now, it's over." I reassured her.

"Alice," she tried to open her eyes. "Alice, the video –he knew you, Alice, he knew where you came from." She said feebly. "I smell gasoline," she added.

"It's time to move her," Carlisle said.

"No, I want to sleep," she complained.

"You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll carry you," I assured her.

Picking her up I cradled her to my chest. Having her in my arms safe and sound was all that I wished for; I would never let her go again. At this moment, I knew I would never be able to leave her voluntarily, having to be carried away from her in a bag. For unless I was dead… I would never have the strength to leave.

"Sleep now, Bella," I said as she fell asleep.

I carried her out of the dance studio to Carlisle's waiting car. Alice, Jasper and Emmett would stay behind to clean up the mess of this nightmare. Wishing I could help, I needed to tend to Bella, she would require a hospital. She needed to have all the things that a well-equipped hospital had… if she was going to make a full recovery.

**I hope the story is enjoyable and has kept your interest. If you have any suggestions they would be greatly apreciated.**


	11. Chapter 23

**All rights owned by Stephanie Meyer.**

23. RECOVERY

She was safe, alive and human. She had a lot of injuries but she would make a full recovery. Alice's visions were wrong, I stopped the transformation before it could happen. Now we had to clean up all the evidence of the day's occurrences. After all that had transpired being exposed now was not an option. Emmett, Jasper and Alice went to set up our story.

Carlisle and I drove Bella to the hospital. I remained in the backseat with Bella in my arms. She lay so quiet and so motionless it terrified me. There was no color to her skin almost matching me. Never intending to see her this way again, I sensed I was losing her.

"Carlisle, are you certain she will be well?" I asked.

"Yes, Edward, she's going to require time to recover, but she'll be alright." Carlisle reassured me.

"What will we reveal to them at the hospital?" I asked.

"We'll advise them she fell down two flight of stairs and through a window. That should cover all of her injuries." Carlisle said.

"And what of the bite mark?" I anticipated.

"If they ask, we'll tell them it must have been the glass." Carlisle answered.

"Are we almost there?" I asked impatiently.

"Yes, Edward, stop worrying, she's going to be alright. I promise." Carlisle said.

Arriving at the hospital, they wanted to put her on a gurney, but I had no intentions of letting her go. Hadn't I tolerated her away from me long enough?

"Put her down Edward, let them help her." Carlisle demanded.

"Only if I get to stay with her… I promised her." I pleaded.

The doctor stepped forward reaching for Bella.

"You may stay, if you stay out of the way." He commanded.

"I'm Dr. Cullen…. I treated her wounds as best as I could…. at the scene." Carlisle spoke.

"What happened to her?" The doctor asked.

"She fell down two flight of stairs, through a window." Carlisle explained.

Placing her on a gurney, I took hold of her hand. The doctor went straight to work, glancing at all of her wounds.

"She's going to need a blood transfusion. Some stitches, and we'll need to set her leg. But it looks like she make a full recovery. You did a great job Dr. Cullen."

"Thank you. Edward, we have to leave the doctor to do his work." Carlisle said.

"No… I promised her." I protested.

"She'll understand, besides we have some phone calls to make. We'll be back soon." Carlisle commanded.

Unbelievable that I'd be required to leave her, for the second time, in mortal danger. What if something went wrong? Intending to be here to fix it… yearning to stay with her… I'd promised her. Unable to breach another promise, I'd promised she would be safe and she wasn't.

Carlisle grabbed my arm and pulled me from the room. He moved us quickly down the hall to a private area.

"Edward, pull yourself together. We have to inform her mother and father." Carlisle reminded.

"What are we going to tell them, Carlisle?" I said concerned.

"Exactly what we related the Doctor, nothing more, nothing less. Stick to the story. But, you have to get it together, you appear so guilt-ridden." Carlisle pleaded.

"I feel responsible, this is all my fault. Look what I've done Carlisle." I begged.

"Stop that right now! Enough! You didn't hurt her, James did, you saved her, Edward." Carlisle expressed.

"But if I wasn't for me…"

"Enough! Please stop blaming yourself. Just be happy you got there in time, that you were strong enough to stop it. I'm very proud of you." Carlisle said.

"Don't be… I would have killed him… had you not walked in…" I was angered.

"But you didn't… and you stop the transformation… not many of us could do that." He reminded me.

"I almost couldn't stop…"

"But you did, she's alive and human because of you." He said sounded proud.

"I have to return to her Carlisle." I pleaded.

"You go. I'll commence with the phone calls. It'll probably sound better coming from me." Carlisle resolved.

"Thank you, again." I said sincerely.

Being able to repay Carlisle for everything he's done seemed impossible. I marched back down the hall to where I'd left Bella. She was gone; panic immediately coursed threw me as I proceeded to the nurse's station.

"My girlfriend, I brought her here, she was in there –now she's gone." I said panic stricken.

"They took her for ex-rays, she'll be back soon." The nurse said.

Relief washed over me. "Thank you."

Going back to the spot where they would be bringing her back, I knew she was going to be all right. Continuing to relay that to myself, I was beginning to believe it. I loathed all this waiting. What is taking so long? Why has she not returned? Was Carlisle wrong in he assessment? Was she worse than he thought?

Finally, they wheeled her into the room –she was still sleeping. She appeared so peaceful lying there, her color was retuning. The Doctor entered the room, with a nurse, carrying bags of blood… stepping back to the wall… I'd seen enough blood for one day.

After, hooking Bella up to a machine, they began her blood transfusion. Preparing to hold my breath for the duration of the procedure I caught a whiff of the blood, which, had no affect on me at all. What made this possible? What had changed? Could it be this angel whose color was returning, her face was becoming a beautiful pink, with the blood flowing threw her.

Taking a deep breath… something was wrong… Bella didn't smell the same. This scent wasn't even close to what her normally luscious scent was. What if this changes her? What if she doesn't smell like Bella anymore? I'm certain it wouldn't matter… she'd still be Bella. She's still be my angel…and she always will be. I feel very –what word did she once use –insignificant just sitting here waiting.

Sitting here holding her hand I watched her sleep. She was well medicated and motionless, however she appeared very peaceful and I was grateful for that. Imagining the days we would spend together, the happiness she brings me, and how I could never leave her again.

Carlisle entered the room and brought me back to reality.

"Her parents have been notified. Alice called Renee and I called Charlie. There on their way here, their awfully concerned, I tried to reassure them she would make a full recovery." Carlisle said.

"Thank you. I'm not sure I could make that phone call, especially not to Charlie!" I said solemnly. "She's been sleeping along time, are you sure everything is alright?" I asked.

"Yes, Edward, she is doing well. But you need to do something about your eyes. I think Alice may have some contacts with her." Carlisle commented.

Not even considering my eyes they were certain to be crimson red. Certain no one had noticed them no one had a thought about them. Quite certain I was starring at Bella the whole time, never looking directly at anyone else.

"I almost forgot. Is Alice coming here? Because I don't want to leave until she's awake." I asked.

"I'll make sure she does. Just try not to look directly at people, at least until you can cover them." Carlisle said. "I'm going to go to the hotel to make certain everything there went well. I'll come back later with Alice." He said.

"Thank you for everything Carlisle. None of this would be possible without you. I'll never be able to repay you." I suggested.

"You don't have to, seeing you happy again will be all the thanks I need, Edward. I'll be back soon." He added.

"Bye."

Sitting silently, watching her heart monitor beeping regularly, not that I needed that, as I could hear her heart clearly on my own. Being a sound I've grown accustom to hearing… I needed to hear it… I loved hearing. Her heart beating and her blood flowing were the two things I've grown to love.

As the transfusion was finished and they removed her from the machine, nothing had changed. Her scent had not returned, hoping this was temporary, I missed her scent and I don't want it to remain different. More importantly, at this moment, was her regaining consciousness.

"Bella, I'm sorry, please wake up, please come back to me sweetheart. I miss you; I can't remain here without you! Please come back to me." I pleaded.

This was the worst… waiting… I loathed waiting… I wanted to do something… anything. How could I just sit here? Not allowing her to wake with me gone, she would be so scared, wondering what had happened. No matter how difficult it was to sit and wait, I would remain until she woke.

The longer I sat, the more I pondered our relationship. Knowing this was too dangerous for Bella –to be with me –it was an impossible situation for both of us. For her to risk her life for my family and I, going off to meet with a sadistic vampire, wasn't behavior I could tolerate. Not allowing her to put herself in danger again.

Bringing danger to her world was my fault, and there was only one way, to make certain this would never happened again… I would have to leave her. Having to go and allow her to obtain a 'normal life'… a happy life… free of danger. Free of vampire's and all the dangers they possess.

There had to be an ending, either I would have to leave or she would. Could I do that? Could I convince her to leave? After all that happened, she would see the danger in remaining with me. Would this not be enough to scare her away? If she were not willing to leave, then I was required to.

A nurse walked in and went to work checking Bella over. She made a complete assessment of all the monitors and wires.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, my eyes remained on Bella.

"She seems to be doing well, everything looks good." She answered.

"Should she be awake by now?" I pleaded.

"No, it's better if she rests. Don't worry she'll wakeup when she's ready." She said.

However, after hearing her thoughts, she was telling the truth. She knew that once Bella woke up she would be fine. She also wished for the same love Bella and I shared, for someone to be there for her, forever. I stopped listening after that deciding it was just rude to intrude on someone's deepest desires. The nurse then left the room and I remained silent and motionless, still waiting.

"You must be the Edward I've heard so much about?" Renee entered.

And this was the voice I dreaded hearing. Explaining this to Renee was going to be tougher than I expected. What was I to say to her? How could I explain this? _Just stick to the story Carlisle gave them_. I told myself.

"Yes, ma'am, that's me." I said ashamed.

"How is she?" Renee asked concerned.

"The Doctor said she would make a full recovery. I'm so sorry Renee, I'm terribly sorry this happened." I pleaded to her.

"Edward, it's not your fault my daughter is clumsy. Alice told me what happened. You can't blame yourself!" Renee reassured me.

Attempting not to look at Renee I held my gaze on Bella. Knowing Alice, she would be here soon with the contacts I needed. Not having the ability to make eye contact, made me feel like such a liar –which I was –having Renee thinking that was unacceptable.

Renee sat on the other side of Bella and held her other hand. Brushing her hair back she kissed her forehead. This was so excruciating, knowing I caused all of this, hurting her only child. The decision to leave was becoming easier.

"Why is she not awake?" Renee asked.

"They have her on a lot of medication, she has a broken leg, a few broken ribs, she also lost a lot of blood and they had to do transfusions. But the Doctor said she will be fine." I promised.

"Thank you Edward, for getting her here so quickly. I would like to thank your father too, is he here?" She asked.

"There's no need to thank me. Carlisle went back to the hotel, but he will return later." I said. "I'm going to sit back here for awhile and let you visit."

"Thank you Edward, but won't you rather go to the hotel and rest awhile?" She asked.

"No, I'm not leaving until she does." I answered quickly.

Walking over to the chair that was across the room against the wall I sat down. Closing my eyes, I pretended to sleep to give Renee what privacy I could. Attempting to block what she was saying, I had to search her mind to see if she had any suspicions.

Her thoughts were all worry, concern for the health of Bella. Speaking to her quietly, she pleaded with her to wakeup and come back to her. Wishing for the same thing, I wanted Bella to wake up, for Renee and me. After hearing Renee, I had to block everything else she said… I couldn't endure anymore… knowing I was responsible for all that had happened.

Opening my eyes I heard Carlisle and Alice approaching. Walking into the room Carlisle went right to Renee with a hand extended.

"You must be Bella's mother?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, I'm Renee, you must be Edwards father?" She asked.

"It's Carlisle and this is Edwards sister, Alice." Carlisle introduced.

"Thank you so much, for what you did for my daughter, I'm so happy you were there to treat to her." Renee explained.

"No need to thank me, I'm just glad she is alright. The Doctor said she would make a full recovery." Carlisle relayed.

"Have you had time to freshen up or get something to eat?" Alice inquired.

"No, I came straight here." Renee answered.

"Well come with me and we will get you something now." Alice offered.

"I'm not sure I should leave her…"

"Edward will call my cell phone when she wakes, come." Alice motioned with her hands, leaving Renee no choice.

"I'll be back soon honey." She leaned down and kissed her forehead. "You will call, Edward, when she wakes?" She asked.

"Immediately, don't worry she's in good hands." I reassured her.

Alice took Renee from the room. Carlisle came to me and gave me the box with contacts in them.

"Go put these on in the bathroom." Carlisle ordered.

"Thank you." I took them and went to the bathroom.

When I returned Carlisle was reading Bella's chart with a concerned look on his face.

"Is there something your hiding from me Carlisle?" I inquired.

"No, Edward, I told you she is going to be fine." He reassured. "We are going to have to leave soon though, it won't look right if we stay."

"I'm not leaving until she does. I've already made that clear to Renee!" I snapped.

"Edward, you need to handle this carefully, you don't want to raise questions." Carlisle said.

"I think its okay Carlisle, besides I'm listening, any signs of suspicions I'll let you know. I really don't believe she thinks anything is wrong." I answered.

"I'm going to sit with Alice and Renee, then we will go back to the hotel. Call if you need anything!" Carlisle added.

"Thank you again. I'll call you later." I said quietly.

With that Carlisle left the room and I went to sit by Bella again. Her color was fully back now and she even smelled like my Bella again. Relief spread threw me as her scent began to return. Taking a deep breath threw my nose with such pleasure, her scent swirled my head, easing my pain.

Bella began to move. She moved her hand and was trying to rip off the tube that was taped to her face.

"No, you don't." I said as my hand caught hers.

"Edward?" She slowly turned her head to mine, which was resting on her pillow inches from hers. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry!" She cried.

"Shhhh," I shushed her. "Everything's all right now."

With her waking everything was all right, but this was too close, too close to losing her. The unbearable pain that came with the thought of losing her was winning the battle over leaving. Was I strong enough yet? Would I be able to leave? Not allowing this to ever happen again, the urge to remain by her side was obviously more powerful.

"I was almost too late. I could have been too late," I whispered, tormented.

"I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom."

"He tricked us all."

"I need to call Charlie and my mom," she realized.

"Alice called them. Renee is here –well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now."

"She's here?" She tried to sit up and I pushed her gently back to the pillow.

"She'll be back soon," I promised. "And you need to stay still."

"But what did you tell her?" She was panicking. "Why did you tell her I'm here?"

"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window." I paused. "You have to admit, it could happen."

She sighed in pain. She stared down at herself and saw the huge lump that was her leg. Feeling hideous, allowing her to see herself in this condition, a condition that was entirely my fault.

"How bad am I?" She asked.

"You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a transfusion. I didn't like it –it made you smell all wrong for a while."

"That must have been a nice change for you."

Supposing I would assume the same thing, but I couldn't, I loved everything thing about her. Desiring for nothing to change especially her human status.

"No, I like how you smell."

"How did you do it?" She asked quietly.

"I'm not sure." Looking away from her, lifting her gauze-wrapped hand gently so I didn't disturb the wires connecting her to the monitor. How was I ale to do it? I wasn't quite certain myself. Being one of the most difficult things I'd ever done, some how I gathered enough strength to stop.

I sighed without looking at her. "It was impossible… to stop," I whispered. "Impossible. But I did." Looking up giving her half a smile. "I must love you."

"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" She smiled.

Is she kidding me! Reminding me of how impossible it was. Having the knowledge in my head I wanted it gone. Not wanting to remember how luscious she tasted. Desiring to separate this from my mind… never wanting to think about that again.

"Even better –better than I imagined."

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

This is the reason… the reason she was my angel… apologizing for tasting so luscious. Being so selfless, I was positive she was an angel.

Looking up to the ceiling. "Of all the things to apologized for."

"What should I apologize for?"

For leaving me, for coming up with this ridiculous plan to begin with. She should apologize for nearly getting herself killed. Although, it was I who really should apologize for all the mistakes I've made.

"For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever."

"I'm sorry," she apologized again.

"I know why you did it." I said. "It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me."

"You wouldn't have let me go."

There was nothing more certain than that. Never allowing let her go, to face this demon by herself, or at all, for that matter. The truth was, she should have never been in the position, if I was protecting her better, this wouldn't have happened.

"No," I agreed grimly, "I wouldn't."

She began to shudder and winced. Was she in pain? Of course she was in pain, how could she not be with all that had happened to her?

"Bella, what's wrong? I asked anxiously.

"What happen to James?"

"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him." Saying with regret, wanting to be the one to take care of him. Unwilling to have the others taking care of my problems. Feeling it was my duty, Carlisle was right -had I killed him it would only be vengeance, not necessity.

She looked confused. "I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there."

"They had to leave the room… there was a lot of blood."

"But you stayed."

"Yes, I stayed."

"And Alice, and Carlisle…" she wondered.

"They love you, too, you know."

"Did Alice see the tape?" she asked anxiously.

"Yes." I said with hatred.

"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember."

How anyone could be so cruel, as to create her and leave her to fend for herself. Leaving her unable to know what was happening –was beyond cruel. After witnessing James cruelty for myself, I'm not surprised, outraged, but not surprised.

"I know. She understands now." I said furious.

Reaching up to touch my face, she was stopped by the IV in her hand.

"Ugh." she winced.

"What is it?" I asked anxiously.

"Needles," she explained, looking away from her hand to the ceiling.

"Afraid of a needle," I murmured, shaking my head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…"

She rolled her eyes, then gazed into mine.

"What's with the color of your eyes?" She inquired.

The color of contacts didn't quite match my normal color; they were a deeper brown so they hid the red better. Leave it to Bella to notice –nothing got by her.

"There contacts, I couldn't have everyone seeing how red they are."

"Oh… yeah, I forgot, sorry!" She whispered.

"Not to worry, it was worth it, they'll go back to normal soon."

"Why are you here?"

Staring at her, first confused, then hurt. Perhaps I was right… maybe she changed her mind, wanting me to leave her alone from now on. Unable to blame her for desiring that, any normal person would've had enough by now.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" She protested, horror spread across her face. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back."

Once again re-enforcing my belief that she was unstable, not thinking correctly. That she was troubled… worrying about getting our story straight.

"Oh," I said, calming down. "I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks." I said earnestly and sincerely. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice –of course I was here with parental supervision," I inserted virtuously, "but you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and… well, you know the rest. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."

She was silent for a moment. "There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows."

"Not really," I said. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly –you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about," I promised, stroking her cheek lightly. "Your only job now is to heal."

The beeping of the monitor jumped around erratically as her heart sped up.

"That's going to be embarrassing," she muttered to herself.

I chuckled, speculating, "Hmmm, I wonder…"

Leaning in slowly, the beeping noise accelerated wildly before my lips even touched her. But when I had, the beeping stopped altogether. Pulling back abruptly, anxiously waiting for her heart to beat, relief washed over when it started again. Her heart stopped. Proving to me once more that she didn't respond, as I would have expected.

"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." I frowned.

"I was not finished kissing you," she complained. "Don't make me come over there."

Grinning, I bent to press my lips to hers, the monitor went wild, and I pulled away, again. Knowing her heart accelerated when I touched her, this was getting entirely out of control. Her heart stopping was unacceptable –she wasn't strong enough to take it.

"I think I hear your mother," I said, grinning again.

"Don't leave me," she cried, terrified.

Seeing she was scared possibly about-facing her mother. 'I won't," I promised solemnly, and then I smiled. "I'll take a nap."

Moving from the plastic chair by her side to the faux-leather at the foot of her bed, I leaned all the way back and closed my eyes. Remaining perfectly still.

"Don't forget to breathe," she whispered sarcastically.

Taking a deep breath, keeping my eyes closed. Hearing her mother speaking to someone, probably a nurse. The door opened a crack.

"Mom!" Bella whispered lovingly.

"He never leaves, does he?" She mumbled to herself.

"Mom, I'm so glad to see you!"

"Bella, I was so upset!"

"I'm sorry, Mom. But everything's fine now, it's okay," she comforted her.

"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open." She sat on the edge of the bed.

"It's Friday, hon, you've been out for a while."

"Friday?" She was shocked. Perhaps, I should have mentioned that.

"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey –you've got a lot of injuries."

"I know."

"You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man… very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor…"

Wanting to chuckle, I had to keep my composure.

"You met Carlisle?"

"And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl."

"She is," Bella agreed.

"You didn't tell me you had such good friends in Forks,"

Knowing she was glancing at me –I stayed very still. And what she must think of her so called friends, allowing her to get hurt like that.

Bella moaned. Was she in pain?

"What hurts?" Renee demanded anxiously.

Flashing my eyes at her, needing to see her when she answered, I'd know if she were lying.

"It's fine," she assured us. "I just have to remember not to move."

Lapsing back into my phony slumber, relieved. Attempting very hard not to listen to their conversation, it was impossible. Hearing all of Renee's anxious thoughts swirling around her head. She was relieved Bella was awake.

"Where's Phil?" Bella asked

"Florida –oh, Bella! You'll never guess! Just when we were about to leave, the best news!"

"Phil got signed?" She guessed.

"Yes! How did you guess! The Suns, can you believe it?"

"That's great, Mom," she said enthusiastically.

"And you'll like Jacksonville so much," she gushed. "I was a little bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know how I hate the cold, but now Jacksonville! It's always sunny, and the humidity really isn't that bad. We found the cutest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, and it's just a few minutes from the ocean, and you'll have your own bathroom…"

What was this her own bathroom? Did she mean to take Bella to Florida with her? Isn't that what I wanted? But, now that it was a possibility, I'm not certain I could allow that. How could I allow her to leave me again?

"Wait, Mom!" Bella interrupted. Seeing through her Renee's eyes as she glared at me. "What are you talking about? I'm not going to Florida. I live in Forks."

Relief washed threw me. A monster I still was for, not thinking this was the best idea. For not encouraging her to go –have a 'normal life' –in Florida, with her mother. Is this not what I desired for her? Only my selfish side was demanding she stay.

"But you don't have to anymore, silly," she laughed. "Phil will be able to be around so much more now… we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him."

That sounded nice, maybe she should go to Florida. It's sunny all the time and Bella loved the sun. She would probably be fond of that, providing her a chance at a 'normal life'.

"Mom." She hesitated. "I want to live in Forks. I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends" Renee looked at me when Bella said this. "And Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook at all."

She doesn't want to go, she wants to stay, and stay with me. I'm elated… overjoyed… this was fantastic news. Her mother was not so enthused about this plan and with good reason. Bringing her daughter back to her broken and severely damaged.

"You want to stay in Forks?" Renee asked, bewildered. And then she glanced back at me again. "Why?"

She already assumed I was the reason Bella wanted to remain in Forks. She was correct and I wished this were not the case. Having to agree with Renee, perhaps it would be better for Bella to make a fresh start, to forget all about me.

"I told you –school, Charlie –ouch!" She shrugged.

"Bella, honey, you hate Forks," she reminded her.

"It's not so bad."

Renee was becoming concerned with the reason Bella wanted to stay. Her worst nightmare was coming true, for Bella to fall in love so young, ending up trapped in Forks like she was. She saw it as history repeating itself, and this was the last thing she wanted.

"Is it this boy?" she whispered.

Boy, strange to be considered a boy, I was definitely not a boy anymore. Not having been a boy in many years, I'm a man, a man who knows what I want, who was quite capable of making that decision. But was Bella old enough to make the right choice, I wasn't convinced of this.

"He's part of it," Bella admitted. "So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?" She asked.

"Yes." She hesitated, looking at me. "And I want to talk to you about that."

"What about?" Bella asked.

"I think that boy is in love with you," she accused, whispering.

"I think so, too." Bella confided.

She thinks so… she thinks so… I'm certain she knows. How could she not? I've told her and shown her many times. She thinks so…

"And how do you feel about him?" She asked curiously.

This peaked my curiosity. What was she about to say? Was she in love with me? I was pretty certain of what she might say, but how often did Bella say what I expected her to.

Bella paused looking away from her mother obviously embarrassed.

"I'm pretty crazy about him."

"Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-looking, but you're so young, Bella…"

"I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it. It's just a crush," she soothed her.

Just a crush, the irony of it was, since meeting me, Bella had been almost crushed twice. Once when the van almost crushed her and again when James tried to crush her. She was right… it was just a crush.

"That's right," Renee agreed, easily pleased.

Renee sighed, glancing over her shoulder at the big, round clock on the wall.

"Do you need to go?"

"Phil's suppose to call in a little while… I didn't know you were going to wake up…"

"No problem, Mom." trying not to hurt her feelings. "I won't be alone."

"I'll be back soon. I'll be sleeping here, you know," she announced.

"Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at home –I'll never notice." Bella said groggy.

"I was too nervous," she admitted. "There's been some crime in the neighborhood, and I don't like being there alone."

"Crime?" Bella asked in alarm.

"Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground –there's nothing left at all! And they left a stolen car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?"

"I remember." She shivered and winced.

Great! Now we've made her mother afraid to stay at her own house. This nightmare just keeps getting worse. When is it going to get better? Was there no one that was not affected by what had transpired? How would I manage to make this up to them all? Uncertain how, I knew someday I would.

"I can stay, baby, if you need me."

"No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me."

Yeah! That didn't make the situation easier. That is exactly what she was worried about… me being here. That's precisely why she desired to stay. Renee's thoughts wondered how deep this relationship ran. With me here all the time, refusing to leave, she knew how much I loved Bella. She wasn't convinced of Bella's lies minimizing our feelings for each other. She believed Bella loved me, which certainly made her anxious.

"I'll be back tonight." She warned, glancing at me.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, Bella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you."

Keeping my eyes closed, I flashed a wide grin across my face.

A nurse came bustling in then to check all her tubes and wires. Bella's mother kissed her forehead, patted her gauze-wrapped hand, and left.

The nurse was checking the paper readout on her heart monitor.

"Are you feeling anxious, honey? Your heart rate got a little high there."

A grin spread across my face.

"I'm fine," Bella assured her.

"I'll tell your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute."

As soon as she closed the door, I got up and went to Bella's side.

"You stole a car?" She raised her eyebrows.

I smiled, unrepentant. "It was a good car, very fast."

"How was your nap?" She asked.

"Interesting." My eyes narrowed.

"What?"

Looking downward. "I'm surprised. I thought Florida… and your mother… well, I thought that's what you would want."

She looked at me funny. "But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire."

I was a real vampire, that being the biggest problem, I'm not right for her.

"I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it," I explained gravely. "Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore."

This had to be the solution; she would go home to her mother. Then her heart started to accelerate and she was hyperventilating, she was in pain. Perceiving the pain was not from her injuries… it came from her heart… because I was feeling the exact same way.

And then another nurse walked purposefully into the room. Sitting as still as a stone while she check the monitors.

"Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?" She asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.

"No, no," Bella murmured. "I don't need anything."

"No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest." She waited, but Bella just shook her head.

Brave was what my Bella was always trying to minimize her pain.

"Okay," she sighed. "Hit the call button when you're ready."

She gave me a stern look, and then threw a more anxious glance at the machinery, before leaving.

Putting my hands on Bella's face gingerly, she stared into my eyes.

"Shhh, Bells, calm down."

"Don't leave me," she begged in a broken voice.

"I won't," I promised. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."

Her heart wouldn't slow down.

"Bella." I stroked her face anxiously. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."

"Do you swear you won't leave me?" she whispered.

Putting my hands on either side of her face, I brought my face close to hers. Looking deep into her eyes, "I swear."

She breathed in heavily, which seem to ease some of her pain. Continuing to hold her gaze and she began to relax, the beeping returned to a normal pace.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yes," she said cautiously.

_Always over reacting, she'll be the death of me I swear._ I said under my breath.

"Why did you say that?" she whispered. "Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?"

Never my desire having her leave, I did wish for her to want to go. Every moment spent with her puts her further at risk, and I just couldn't risk her anymore. Perceiving the dangers I knew existed, multiplied by the dangers I couldn't think of, were too tremendous to allow her to remain. She's already been exposed to enormous jeopardy and gambling with her life again was intolerable.

"No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem with saving you, either –if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger… that I'm the reason that you're here."

"Yes, you are the reason." She frowned. "The reason I'm here –alive."

"Barely." I whispered. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move."

"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience," she said, growing irritated. "I was thinking of the others –you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery."

She would think of all that, none of them harmed her at all, nothing like she was now. Here she was masking her pain again, after almost being killed, lying here broken and plastered, all because of me, by being a part of my world.

"That's not the worst part, though," I continued to whisper. "Not seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken." I choked. "Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain –all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling… knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself."

"But you didn't."

"I could have. So easily."

Needing to leave it was the appropriate thing to do… the moral thing … it's the honorable thing to do. Unable to tolerate my selfishness about this any longer, no more pretending this could be acceptable. Acquiring the strength to do what I should have from the beginning.

"Promise me," she whispered.

"What?" Although I new 'what', I certainly couldn't promise that.

"You know what." She said angrily.

There was no way I could do that, make that promise… I wouldn't… I couldn't. Although I knew I wasn't strong enough to leave either.

My eyes tightened. "I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way… whether it kills you or not," I added roughly.

"Good." She said slightly less panicked. "You told me how you stopped… now I want to know why," she demanded.

"Why?" I repeated warily.

She never seems to surprise me. Why? By not stopping she would be dead –by my hands –no doubt. What did she mean 'why'?

"Why you did it. Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you." She asked.

What was she talking about? How did she know about the venom? 'Alice', I knew leaving her with Alice was a bad idea. What else she told her about? Could she truly believe I would let the venom spread? Bella should have no knowledge of this. Unacceptable for Alice to divulge these things to her, after I specifically forbid her not too. How could she betray me like this? Alice would certainly pay for this misguided attempt to make Bella one of us.

What did Bella expect me to say at this moment? Did she honestly think I would transform her into the monster I was? How could I be part of that? Ending her life was not an option. I loved everything about her… her smell… her heartbeat… the color of her skin when she blushed. If I changed her, none of this would exist anymore. Unable to exist for that, I was already damned, that was an unacceptable fate for her.

Taking away her soul would change her very existence, there may not be hope for me, but there was certainly hope for her and I refused to be the one who risked that. I refuse to take the chance for my own selfishness… she would remain human.

"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," she said. "But it just seems logical… a man and woman have to be somewhat equal… as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."

Save each other… she had save me… making my existence more bearable. She brought day to my endless night, carrying forth things I hadn't known I desires. The love I feel, overwhelming… completely filling all the emptiness I hadn't realized existed. Not needing to make her a monster in order for her to save me… she already had, entirely.

"You have saved me," I said quietly.

"I can't always be Lois Lane," she insisted. "I want to be Superman, too."

She thinks I'm Superman. How could she think that after all I've told her? Sure I was strong… sure I had tremendous speed… sure I had immortality… but Superman I was not. Superman was a hero, a hero I was not.

"You don't know what you're asking." I said softly, looking at her pillow instead of her.

"I think I do."

"Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure."

"Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"

"No, I don't wish that."

Wishing that meant I would no longer be here. Having missed the chance to see how wonderful this world could be. But, most importantly, I would've missed my chance to fall completely and unequivocally in love with this wonderful women.

"But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose." She admitted.

"I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you."

"Why not?" She said raspy. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago… anyway, after that, it should be nothing."

Glaring at her. She was right, I probably could change her, but I wouldn't… I couldn't… I won't.

"And the pain?" I asked.

She hesitated before answering. "That's my problem," she said. "I can handle it."

"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity."

"It's not an issue. Three days. Big deal."

Guessing I had Alice to thank for this. Why could she never listen to me? Being the very last thing I wanted Bella having knowledge about. Why was this so difficult for everyone to understand? They should all take a lesson from Rosalie would have given Bella the right perspective on this matter.

Supposing I would have to use another method to convince her to change her mind. How could I make her understand that this was not how she wanted to exist? Make her see what she would be giving up, the things in her life she wouldn't have anymore.

"Charlie?" I asked curtly. "Renee?"

That did it! She had no response for this. Could she give up her parents? Exactly what would happen here, she would no longer be able to see them. To them she would've died, that's what they would be told. She wouldn't be able to leave them.

"Look, that's not an issue either," she finally muttered. "Renee has always made the choices that work for her –she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient, he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."

"Exactly," I snapped. "And I won't end it for you."

My point exactly, she desired to live a life and I was here to make certain that she does. Desiring for her to live a 'normal life', one where she would have everything this world had to offer. Seeing nothing less for her, she deserved that much from me.

"If you're waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there!"

"You're going to recover," I reminder her.

She stared at me and I stared back. There was no compromise in her eyes and certainly none in mine. Bella would not become a monster as I was. Condemning her to a life of endless nights, to never be able to see the sun again in public, was never going to happen. Living an existence of consisted of hiding and lying, was not for her, she was too selfless and too pure to allow that.

"No," she said slowly. "I'm not."

Looking puzzled. "Of course you are. You may have a scar or two…"

"Your wrong," she insisted. "I'm going to die."

"Really, Bella." I was anxious now. "You'll be out of here in a few days. Two weeks at most."

She glared at me. "I may not die now… but I'm going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I'm going to get old."

Placing my fingers to my temples I closed my eyes. Yes, she was going to get old and yes, she was going to die someday. But I wished to be with her for as long as she remained here on this earth. When the day came that she had to go I would find a way to follow, that was a certainty. Had she not realized I would never leave her again?

"That's how it's supposed to happen. How it should happen. How it would happen if I didn't exist –and I shouldn't exist."

She snorted. I opened my eyes in surprise. "That's stupid. That's like going to someone who's just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, 'Look, let's just go back to how things should be. It's better that way.' And I'm not buying it."

"I'm hardly a lottery prize," I growled.

"That's right. You're much better."

Rolling my eyes I stiffened my lips. She couldn't understand, she couldn't comprehend, and this was something I would never allow. Ending her life for her, never going to happen. As long as I was around she would remain human, and alive.

"Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."

"If you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well," she warned. "You're not the only vampire I know."

How could she think that, that my family would go against me, she didn't know my family very well. They would never go against me. Under no circumstances would they go against my wishes, she could never convinced them of that. They would never cross me. Would they? No, the answer was always, no.

"Alice already saw it, didn't she?" She guessed. "That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you… someday."

"She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."

"You'll never catch me betting against Alice."

Alice is certainly going to have a lot of explaining to do when I see her again. She had opened the floodgates to discussions I never intended to have with Bella. Having Bella believe she would be a monster as I was, gave me an uneasy feeling. Doing everything in my power to safe her from an existence such as mine, that was my life now.

We stared at each other for a long time. The only sound was the machines, the dripping, the beeping, and the big clock on the wall. Relaxing, I rid myself of the tension I felt.

"So where does that leave us?" She wondered.

Laughing humorlessly. "I believe it's called an impasse."

She sighed. "Ouch," she muttered.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, ready to hit the button for the nurse.

"I'm fine," she lied not very convincible.

After everything, everything we've been through, she still masked her pain from me.

"I don't believe you," I said gently.

"I'm not going back to sleep."

Rest, she needed to rest, and if she refused, I would be forced to call the nurse again.

"You need to rest. All this arguing isn't good for you."

"So give in," she hinted.

Geez, she was so relentless… pigheaded… stubborn.

"Nice try." I reached for the button.

"No!"

Ignoring her, she needed her rest –she needed to get better.

"Yes?" the speaker on the wall squawked.

"I think we're ready for more pain medication," I said calmly, ignoring her furious expression.

"I'll send in the nurse." The voice sounded very bored.

"I won't take it," she promised.

Glancing toward the sack of fluids hanging beside her bed. "I don't think they're going to ask you to swallow anything."

Her heart rate accelerated as fear filled her eyes. She sighed in frustration.

"Bella, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now."

"I'm not afraid of the needles," she mumbled. "I'm afraid to close my eyes."

Smiling at her I took her face in my hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."

She smiled back. "You're talking about forever, you know."

"Oh, you'll get over it –it's just a crush."

I couldn't resist mocking her, things were far too intense.

She shook her head in disbelieve. "I was shocked when Renee swallowed that one. I know you know better."

"That's the beautiful thing about being human," I told her. "Things change."

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't hold your breath."

I was laughing when the nurse came in, brandishing a syringe.

"Excuse me," she said brusquely to me.

Getting up I crossed the room to lean against the wall. Folding my arms I waited. Bella kept her eyes on me, still apprehensive, I met her gaze calmly.

"Here you go, honey." The nurse smiled as she injected the medicine into her tube. "You'll feel better now."

"Thanks," Bella mumbled.

"That ought to do it," the nurse muttered as Bella's her slowed and her eyes were drooping.

Crossing back over to her side I touched her face.

"Stay." She said with a slur.

"I will," I promised. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you."

She was attempting to move her head. "S not the same thing," she mumbled.

I laughed. "Don't worry about that now, Bella. You can argue with me when you wake up."

She attempted to smile. "Kay."

Leaning into her ear I whispered softly. "I love you," I said.

"Me, too."

"I know," I laughed quietly.

She moved her head the little she could. Leaning down to her, I softly put my lips against hers. Moving as slow and as restrained as I could, she was already hurt enough.

"Thanks," she sighed.

"Anytime."

She was fighting against the medicine, trying to remain conscious.

"Edward?" She said struggling.

"Yes?"

"I'm betting on Alice," she mumbled.

I knew this, I knew how stubborn she was, and I knew she would not give up that easy. But she couldn't know… I was just as stubborn. I would never allow that, doing everything to keep her in the state she was… healthy… vibrant… and human. She would remain human as long as I was here.

**Reviews would be wonderful. Thanks again for taking time to read.**


	12. Epilogue

**Well this is the last chapter I hope this book has been everything you expected. Once again if you would like to read the next two books PM me and I'll send them to you.**

**All rights owned by Stepanie Meyer.**

EPILOGUE: AN OCCASION

Helping Bella into the car, very carefully, being extra careful with her leg that had a cast on it. Ignoring the angry look on her face. After she was settled, I went around and got in the driver's side. I started to reverse out of the driveway.

"At what point exactly are you going to tell me what's going on? She asked grumpily.

She hated surprises, but I loved them and I loved surprising her. But, for her not to figure this one out was a surprise to me. How could she not figure this one out with the two of us all decked out like we were attending a wedding?

"I'm shocked that you haven't figured it out yet." I smiled in her direction.

"I did mention that you looked very nice, didn't I? She verified.

"Yes." I grinned. The fact was I was wearing a black tuxedo, which, I thought would give the evening away for certain.

"I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do." She griped.

Bella spent a good part of the day allowing Alice to do her hair, make up, and dress her for this evening's festivities. This was exceptionally pleasant for me because she never looked more beautiful than she did at this moment. Having to find a way to repay Alice for all that she had done.

My cell phone began ringing and I took it from my pocket, glancing at the caller ID to make certain it was actually him who was calling.

"Hello, Charlie," I said.

"Charlie?" Bella frowned.

"You're kidding!" I laughed.

"What is it?" Bella demanded.

Ignoring her. "Why don't you let me talk to him?" I suggested.

"Hello, Tyler, this Edward Cullen." I said pleasantly. "I'm sorry if there's been some kind of miscommunication, but Bella is unavailable tonight." Changing my tone to a threatening one, I continued. "To be perfectly honest, she'll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense. And I'm sorry about your evening." Snapping the phone shut, I smirked.

Bella became quite angry, her face flushed crimson and her eyes began filling with tears.

"Was the last part a bit too much? I didn't mean to offend you."

She ignored that.

"You're taking me to the prom!" She yelled.

Here we were again, her reaction never seeming to surprise me anymore. "Don't be difficult, Bella."

She looked out the window refusing to look at me.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She demanded.

Pointing to my tuxedo. "Honestly, Bella, what did you think we were doing?" Unable to figure her out. Why would she cry, it was not that tragic, it was just a dance. And what did she possibly think we were doing all dressed up?

"This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying? I demanded, frustrated.

"Because I'm mad!"

"Bella." Gazing right into her eyes. How could this anger her so, it's just a stupid high school dance. After everything we've been through it's really nothing.

"What?" She muttered.

"Humor me." I insisted.

My eyes remained on hers pleading with her.

"Fine," she pouted. "I'll go quietly. But you'll see. I'm way overdue for more bad luck. I'll probably break my other leg. Look at this shoe! It's a death trap!" She held out her good leg as evidence.

"Hmmm." Staring at her leg probably longer than I should have. "Remind me to thank Alice for that tonight."

"Alice is going to be there?" She said comforted.

"With Jasper, and Emmett… and Rosalie," I admitted.

"Is Charlie in on this?" She asked.

"Of course." I grinned, and then laughed. "Apparently Tyler wasn't, though."

We arrived at the school; Rosalie's red convertible was in the parking lot. The clouds were thin today, a few streaks of sunlight escaping through far away in the west.

Getting out, I walked around to open Bella's door, holding out my hand to her. She sat stubbornly in the seat, arms folded. There were too many witnesses around for me to pick her up out of the seat.

I sighed. "When someone wants to kill you, you're brave as a lion –and then when someone mentions dancing…" I shook my head.

She gulped.

"Bella, I won't let anything hurt you –not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise."

Her face began to relax and she was caving.

"There, now," I said gently, "it won't be so bad." Leaning down I wrapped one arm around her waist. She took my other hand and let me lift her from the car.

Keeping my arm tightly around her as she limped towards the school.

Being the biggest place in town, the prom was held in the school gymnasium. Once inside Bella giggled. There were Balloon arches and twisted garlands of pastel crepe paper festooning the walls. All the makings of a typical high school event.

"This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen." She snickered.

"Well," I muttered, as we approached the ticket table. "There are more than enough vampires present."

The dance floor was full of students encircling two sets of couples who were dancing around the floor. The other dancers pressed to the sides of the room to give them space. Emmett and Rosalie were twirling around, so were Jasper and Alice, while the others were watching them. They looked like professional dancers moving flawlessly and gracefully.

"Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?" She whispered.

"And where do you fit into that scheme?" I glared.

"Oh, I'm with the vampires, of course."

I smiled reluctantly. "Anything to get out of dancing."

"Anything."

I bought our tickets, and then turned her toward the dance floor. She cringed against my arm and dragged her feet.

"I've got all night," I warned.

Eventually I towed her out to where my family was dancing not seeming to be noticing the music or style suitable for this event.

"Edward." She said dryly. "I honestly can't dance!" She said panic stricken.

"Don't worry, silly," I whispered back. "I can." I put her arms around my neck and lifted her feet on top of mine.

We were twirling around the floor just as the others were.

"I feel like I'm five years old," she laughed after a few minutes.

"You don't look five," I murmured, pulling her closer for a second.

"Okay, this isn't half bad," she admitted.

Staring at the door, for him to be here, on this night was unacceptable. The fury inside me was building. She was safe, I had made sure of that and for his father to send him here irritated me. My body went rigid as I stopped dancing.

"What is it?" She wondered.

She followed my gaze where she saw Jacob Black crossing the floor toward us.

I snarled very quietly.

"Behave!" Bella hissed.

"He wants to chat with you." I said scathing.

Jacob reached us then, he seemed embarrassed and apologetic.

"Hey, Bella, I was hoping you would be here." He said unconvincingly.

"Hi, Jacob." She smiled. "What's up?"

"Can I cut in?" he asked glancing at me.

Keeping my composure, I simply set her carefully on her feet, and took a step back. It was her choice, everything was her choice, and although I didn't approve, I would allow Bella her choice.

"Thanks," Jacob said.

Blaming the child I couldn't, it wasn't his fault, having know idea what he was doing here. His father forced him to come and he couldn't really understand why. He knew there was something about me that was not ideal, but he still hadn't figured out what that was. He was unable to believe their legends, yet. This was unfair of his father to do this to him.

Nodding I glanced at Bella before turning and walking away.

Listening intently from across the room.

"Wow, Jake, how tall are you now?"

"Six-two." He said smugly.

"So, how did you end up here tonight? She asked already assuming.

"Can you believe my dad paid me twenty bucks to come to your prom?" He admitted, ashamed.

"Yes, I can," she muttered. "Well, I hope you're enjoying yourself, at least. Seen anything you like?" She teased.

"Yeah," he sighed. "But she's taken."

He wasn't teasing and his innuendos were offensive. His thought were annoying and it was becoming difficult to stand by and do nothing. He had answered one thing correctly, as she was taken.

"You look really pretty, by the way," he added.

His thoughts were wrapping around her and very unpleasant, while anger was wrapping around myself. He had nerve walking in here and talking to my girlfriend this way. This behavior was uncalled for; surely he could see how happy she was.

"Um, thanks. So why did Billy pay you to come here?" She asked changing the subject.

Jacob was frustrated with the change of subject. "He said it was 'safe' place to talk to you. I swear the old man is losing his mind."

Billy Black was pushing the limits. How would I stand by for this? How do I not say or do anything to defend myself? Supposing there was no way of defending myself, he was telling the truth, but his approach was deplorable.

"Anyway, he said that if I told you something, he would get me that master cylinder I need," he confessed with a grin.

"Tell me, then. I want you to get your car finished."

Standing against the wall watching Bella's face, desiring to know if it was really I, she wanted. If there was the slightest chance… she wanted something else… I needed to know. If she had feelings for Jacob, I would not stand in her way.

"Don't get mad, okay?" he said ashamed.

"There's no way I'll be mad at you, Jacob," she assured him. "I won't even be mad at Billy. Just say what you have to."

"Well –this is so stupid, I'm sorry, Bella –he wants you to break up with your boyfriend. He asked me to tell you 'please.'" He shook his head in disgust.

Billy feels strongly about this, he wanted Bella as far away from me as possible. Understanding where his fear came from, anger still filled me, knowing he would stoop this low, sending this child to fight his battles.

"He's still superstitious, eh?"

"Yeah. He was… kind of over the top when you hurt down in Phoenix. He didn't believe…" Jacob trailed off.

Bella lied. "I fell."

"I know that." Jacob said quickly.

He believed her, but there was a small part of him that knew something wasn't right about her story. Not believing his father, the story was just to wild, although he knew something was not right about my family. He couldn't trust me, and the feeling was mutual.

"He thinks Edward had something to do with me getting hurt." She was angry.

They stood looking away from each other awkwardly.

"Look, Jacob, I know Billy probably won't believe this, but just so you know" –she spoke honestly- "Edward really did save my life. If it weren't for Edward and his father, I'd be dead."

This was the truth, as she knew it. I on the other hand, knew if it weren't for me, she wouldn't need saving. Bringing with me the only danger she faced, if not for my world and I, she would be safe.

"I know," he claimed.

"Hey, I'm sorry you had to come do this, Jacob," she apologized. "At any rate, you get your parts, right?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"There's more?" She asked in disbelief.

There was so much more, not that Jacob was going to share everything with her. He was going to hold back a lot about how his father was feeling.

"Forget it," he mumbled, "I'll get a job and save the money myself."

"Just spit it out, Jacob." She glared at him.

"It's so bad."

"I don't care. Tell me," she insisted.

"Okay… but, geez, this sounds bad." He shook his head. "He said to tell you, no, to warn you, that –and this is his plural, not mine" –he lifted one hand up making little quotation marks- "We'll be watching."

That was all I could take, I'd kept my silence long enough, he said what he came to say and it was time to take her back. Prolonging this conversation any longer, I was furious enough, and couldn't take anymore. Not needing another reason to hurt this boy, I walked back over to Bella.

"Do you want to dance again? Or can I help you get somewhere?"

"That's all right, Jacob. I'll take it from here." I answered with chagrin.

Jacob was startled, and stared wide-eyed at me, standing next to them.

"Hey, I didn't see you there," he mumbled. "I guess I'll see you around, Bella." He stepped back, waving at her.

She smiled. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

"Sorry," he said again before he turned for the door.

I wound my arms around her and the next song started. Even though the tempo was up beat I remained dancing slow. She leaned her head against my chest, such a pleasurable feeling having her close to me again.

"Feeling better?" She teased.

"Not really," I said abruptly.

"Don't be mad at Billy," she sighed. "He just worries about me for Charlie's sake. It's nothing personal."

This was nothing but personal and she couldn't understand that. Billy didn't want me anywhere near Bella and for good reason. Being mad at Billy I was not, I understood why he was doing what he was, and I respected him for that. His son on the other hand, had a different agenda, his thoughts about Bella angered me.

"I'm not mad at Billy," I corrected. "But his son is irritating me."

She pulled back and looked at me. My face was very serious.

"Why?"

"First of all, he made me break my promise."

She stared at me in confusion.

I half-smiled. "I promised I wouldn't let go of you tonight," I explained.

"Oh. Well, I forgive you."

"Thanks. But there's something else." I frowned.

She waited patiently.

"He called you pretty," I finally continued, frowning deeper. "That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful."

Not able to tell her about Jacob's feelings, it would be unfair. He didn't mean for her to know and it wasn't my place to reveal them. Being certain she wouldn't reciprocate his feelings, it would only crush him for her to know.

She laughed. "You might be a little biased."

"I don't think that's it. Besides, I have excellent eyesight."

We were dancing again, her feet on mine.

"So are you going to explain the reason for all of this?" she wondered.

Looking down at her for a moment, confused by her question. She looked around at the crepe paper and I understood.

Considering that for a moment, I then changed direction of our dance, spinning her through the crowd to the back door. I walked her through the back door outside, into the cool, dim light of a fading sunset.

As soon as we were alone, I scooped her up and carried her across the dark grounds to a bench. I sat there, keeping her cradled to my chest. The moon was out and visible threw the clouds.

"The point?" She prompted softly.

Ignoring her I stared up at the moon.

"Twilight, again," I murmured. "Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end."

"Some things don't have to end," she muttered through her teeth, instantly tense.

I sighed.

"I brought you to the prom," I said slowly, "because I don't want you to miss anything. I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be human. I want your life to continue as it would if I'd died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have."

This was my wish for her, to live a normal human existence despite my presence in her life. Wishing for her to experience all the things she would if I was not here. And I wished for her to be happy.

She shuddered at my words shaking her head. "In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will? If you weren't a thousand times stronger than me, I would never have let you get away with this."

I smiled briefly. "It wasn't so bad, you said so yourself."

"That's because I was with you."

We were quiet for a minute; I stared at the moon and she stared at me.

"Will you tell me something?" I asked, glancing down at her with a slight smile.

"Don't I always?"

"Just promise you'll tell me," I insisted, grinning.

"Fine." She said with regret.

"You seemed honestly surprised when you figured out that I was taking you here," I began.

"I was," I interjected.

"Exactly," I agreed. "But you must have had some other theory… I'm curious –what did you think I was dressing you up for?"

Instant regret as she hesitated. "I don't want to tell you."

"You promised," I objected.

"I know."

"What's the problem?"

This must have been more embarrassing then I assumed the answer would be.

"I think it will make you mad –or sad."

I thought about that for a moment, there's nothing she could say that would make me mad or sad. "I still want to know. Please?"

She sighed. I waited.

"Well… I assumed it was some kind of … occasion. But I didn't think it would be some trite human thing… prom!" She scoffed.

"Human?" I asked flatly. My curiosity was at its peak. What could she possibly be thinking? If not human what else? What conclusion could she come to?

She looked down at her dress, fidgeting with a stray piece of her dress. She was stalling. I waited in silence.

"Okay," she confessed in a rush. "So I was hoping that you might have changed your mind… that you were going to change me, after all."

What was this? She thought I was going to do what? Always knowing she was unstable, I just didn't know how deep it ran. I was wrong… I was upset… I was sad… all kinds of emotions sprung up at this moment. She couldn't really wish I would do that. Collecting my thoughts, I ended up actually amused.

"You thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you?" I teased, touching the lapel of my tuxedo jacket.

Attempting to hide her embarrassment. "I don't know how these things work. To me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does." I was still grinning. "It's not funny," she said.

"No, you're right, it's not," I agreed, my smiling fading. "I'd rather treat it like a joke, though, than believe you're serious."

"But I am serious."

Sighing deeply. "I know. And you're really that willing?"

Bringing me pain to think about ending Bella's life. Unable to do that, even if she wished for it. Needing to amend her mind, she shouldn't think this way.

"So ready for this to be the end," I murmured, to myself, "for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."

"It's not the end, it's the beginning," she disagreed under her breath.

She didn't understand what this meant. She couldn't begin to understand the things she would have to give up. And just to be with me was certainly not reason enough.

"I'm not worth it," I said sadly.

"Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "You obviously have the same blindness."

"I know what I am."

She sighed.

Shifting my mood I glared at her eyes, then examined her face for a long moment.

"You're ready now, then?" I asked.

"Um." She gulped. "Yes?"

Smiling I inclined my head slowly until my lips were brushing against her skin below the corner of her jaw.

"Right now?" I whispered, breathing on her neck.

She shivered involuntarily.

"Yes," she whispered.

Her body was ridged as a plank, her hands balled into fists, and her breathing was erratic…

Chuckling darkly I leaned away.

"You can't really believe that I would give in so easily," I mocked her, disappointed she would want this.

"A girl can dream."

"Is that what you dream about? Being a monster?"

"Not exactly," she said, frowning. "Mostly I dream about being with you forever."

"Bella." My fingers lightly traced the shape of her lips. "I will stay with you –isn't that enough?"

She smiled under my fingertips. "Enough for now."

Frowning at her words, exhaling, sounding more like a growl.

She touched my face. "Look," she said. "I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"

Here we were once more at an impasse, but I had time on my side, I would make her see that what she wanted was not reasonable. Convincing her that we could spend the rest of her life together, happy, with no changing. To love her and have her love me as long as her time permitted. All of this would certainly be enough for me.

"Yes, it is enough," I answered, smiling. "Enough for forever."

I leaned down to press my lips once more to her throat.

**That's all she wrote as the saying goes. I hope it was enjoyable. Thanks again for reading.**


	13. Chapter 14

CONFESSION

Believing she was shocked –as I could definitely be shocking. Explaining why I never tried to describe it to her, it was something that had to be demonstrated. All the old legends were incorrect –we didn't burn in sunlight –we merely glowed or should I rephrase we sparkled. People would spot this right away… explaining why we couldn't go out in the sun.

Bella once again, proving how little I knew of her thoughts, there was no running and no screaming. Being quite fascinated with the way I sparkled in the sunlight, was another response I'd gotten wrong, would I ever figure her out?

Without frightening her, she allowed me to keep one trait on my list –the fact that her brain didn't work right.

Here I was, in this perfect creation, her sitting motionless, silently next to me. Having stepped forth, exposing everything about myself, she remained in awe. Being the hardest steps I've ever taken, trusting her, this fragile human girl –whom I loved, was complicated.

Trusting a human… there was a new one.

How could I not trust her, when she trusted me implicitly? Doing everything I'd asked without question, trusting me to come here alone, her loyalty was unwavering.

And, somewhere deep inside was the belief… that I trusted her, too.

Remaining this way for the rest of the afternoon, laying here completely exposed, with her planted next to me. Having little left to say, now that the whole truth was finally out there, she had no words either, saying nothing as well.

Frustrated, with the inability to hear her thoughts, instead of becoming immune, it was becoming harder.

Being here, with a perfect angel beside me, I could not imagine anything better.

Acknowledging that my happiness couldn't last forever, at some point she had to realize the monster I was.

Seizing all the time I could before this realization struck her, greedy –was the word used to describe it. Greedily, stealing whatever time I could manage.

Lying in the grass perfectly motionless, with my shirt unbuttoned exposing my chest, so she could absorb it.

Closing my eyes I began singing to myself –too low for her to hear –she noticed asking me why my lips were trembling.

Very observant –adding to my list of traits –I let know her I was singing.

What was she thinking? Agony, were her thoughts escaping me, her expectations were lost on me. Was she afraid? Never responding the way she should, I couldn't imagine this occasion being any different.

She sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

What are you thinking?

Apparently, she did not believe I was repulsive, as there was still no running nor any screaming. Reaching out with one finger she stroked the back of my hand.

So much for scaring her, reinforcing my belief about her responses, returning to my earlier question, was she even human?

"I don't scare you?" I asked playfully.

"No more than usual."

A smile spread across my face, exposing all of my teeth, this was no threat, either. She moved closer to me, stretching out her whole hand, tracing the contours of my forearm with her trembling fingertips.

"Do you mind?" she asked.

The sensation was mesmerizing.

Assuming I would've terrify her, I had definitely lost my edge, she was not scared at all, as I allowed her to touch me. No one had ever touched me this way before, I would not allow it, but this was different, she was different. Before meeting her, I was truly a terrifying creature, it seemed that this was no longer the case, unable to scare anyone, anymore.

"No," I said keeping my eyes closed. "You can't imagine how that feels." I sighed.

My whole body was humming, flames shooting with every touch; it was stinging without the pain. Her touch trailed my arm over my muscles to the crease at my elbow.

She reached over with her other hand, touching my hand. Flipping it over, providing her a better look, I moved considerably too fast, surprising her.

"Sorry," I murmured. Opening my eyes I looked at her. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

She returned to my hand, twisting and turning it, taking a closer look at it, as if she were attempting to figure out how it sparkled.

Appearing fascinated.

But, it was I, who was fascinated… fascinated by her… she was so warm and soft. So beautiful and innocent… it was painful to watch her… not comprehending what she was thinking.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered, looking at her intently. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

Suddenly, the awareness of how special my gift was clear to me. Not being able to hear her thoughts was driving me insane. Having to walk through life not being able to hear anyone's thoughts would be excruciating. Her silent mind was getting more grueling to deal with.

"It's a hard life." I said regretfully. "But you didn't tell me."

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking…" she hesitated.

"And?" curiously.

A coward I was, requesting she expose her thoughts before I would mine. Apparently trusting her was more difficult than I assumed. Being very new to me, needing a little more time… it was complicated… not coming as naturally to me.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

She feared me… something about this had to… it's about time. Exposing myself as I had would make anyone afraid. Finally reacting the way she should, perhaps she was human after all. And, fear me, she should –everything instinct she had –should warn her of the danger.

Although… painful having her afraid of me, I'm not certain that pleased me.

Never longing for anything more in my whole existence. At this moment, I would do anything… give anything… I would walk through fire just to be human, to be a normal man. As much as she needed to be aware of the dangers that plagued her from being with me, it was excruciating knowing she was afraid.

"I don't want you to be afraid." I softly murmured.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

Quickly flipping on my side propped up on one elbow, leaving my hand in hers.

Moving closer to her face, leaving only inches between us, extremely curious as to what she was afraid of.

Not fearing me… what else was there?

"What are you afraid of, then?" whispering intentionally.

Refusing to answer, she leaned in closer to me, inhaling deeply.

Knowing immediately what was happening, all of my instincts began to surface.

Reaching out to touch her… the gentlest touch of her face… the urgency that flowed through me was compelling.

_Enough. _

Our prey is expected to find us beautiful… our voices magical… and our scent full of sweetness, making it impossible for them to resist. We draw you in waiting to attack, but that is not what I desired happening today. Today, I would rather be more like a human, to have an ordinary day with a human girl.

The sudden shock of her closeness sent electricity coursing through my veins more persuasive than it was in Biology class.

Running off, very quickly, faster than I knew she could see.

The venom flowed in my mouth, my muscles were tightening and the monster was aching to feel the hot flow of her pulse beneath her skin. My thirst burned threw my throat, but they were not the only urges that were springing to action. There were my new urges, the ones I hadn't quite got control over yet. The urge to hold her, to touch her not always in a decent way, the feeling was very powerful and I struggled with what I wanted most.

Settling at the edge of the meadow.

"I'm… sorry… Edward," she whispered.

She was offended –horrified, ultimately not what I'd chose emerging. Apologizing for something that was not her fault. Desiring to run to her, to inform her that she wasn't to blame.

Waiting, to regain control, to make certain I could resist, no mistakes.

"Give me a moment," I called. She sat motionless.

Fighting to regain domination, soothing myself. Freeing myself of the monster, concealing him deep within. Pushing him back, I remembered who and what I was.

Carlisle's face flashed in my mind… regret spread across it. It was enough to recoil the monster, placing him back where he belonged. He managed to surface and I managed to prevent him from being exposed. Having made the decision, he would not be allowed to have his way. Taking full control of myself, something made me stronger… stronger than I've ever been.

For it was her, that provided me strength, she made me want to be in control, it was all for this beautiful, warm blooded, soft human girl.

Walking back to her, stopping quite a few feet away, I sank to the ground, crossing my legs.

Consistently looking in her eyes, I took two deep breaths, smiling apologetically.

"I am so very sorry." Attempting to ascertain the right words. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

She nodded unaware of what to say, after my utterly rude behavior.

What could she say when I frightened her so?

Finally, a sense of danger washed over her. Being convinced she had no senses, especially not one for danger, it was a relief to see one surface, after all.

Arriving at the truth, exposing exactly what I was. The time had arrived to know the truth in its entirety… displaying for her just how dangerous I was.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in –my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I'd need any of that!" Jumping up I bounded away, running the circle of the meadow, stopping at the same tree as before.

"As if you could outrun me," I laughed.

Reaching up with my hand, I ripped a two-foot-thick branch, from the trunk of the spruce. Balancing it in my hand for a moment, before throwing it, with blinding speed hitting another tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.

Running to her again, stopping two feet in front of her.

"As if you could fight me off," I said gently.

Recognizing this frightened her further. She ought to fear me –be aware of what I am –no matter how complex it was. Wanting her to understand this was no game, that I could kill her quite effortlessly, she needed to know the entire truth.

The monster was silent, his existence nowhere to be found, having complete dominance over him, there would be no more mistakes.

Franticly wanting her to trust me again, I could no longer tolerate her fear of me. "Don't be afraid," I murmured. "I promise…" I hesitated. "I _swear_ not to hurt you." Having to convince her… perhaps, myself too. "Don't be afraid," whispering again, as I stepped closer, with exaggerated slowness. Sitting down, as deliberate as possible, till our faces were on the same level and just a foot apart.

Gazing into her eyes, I pleaded with her to trust me. "Please forgive me," I said formally. "I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

Waiting for her response, she had none.

Attempting to convince her, I also had to convince myself. Doubt still lingered, hurting her appeared improbable, but I wasn't positive. Remaining this close to a human for this amount of time was new to me, but something I was willing to get use to if it meant being with her.

She appeared frightened –I had to lighten the mood.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly," I said winking.

Finally, she laughed after a moment, fearing that I'd put her into shock, she appeared fine, and I could breath again. Relaxing once again, her muscles retracted, her breathing slowed and her heartbeat returned to normal.

"Are you all right?" I asked tenderly, placing my hand back into hers.

Staring at it for a moment, she started to run her fingertip along my hand, as she had before.

Smiling at me timidly, and I smiled back at her.

"So, where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked.

"I honestly can't remember."

It was finally working as she was realizing the monster I was, sensing how close to danger she'd come. If it was not the monster she feared, then what else was there?

Smiling, still ashamed, needing to get to the bottom of this mystery. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

Her inability to answer filled me with concern. What was this bad? Having revealed everything –the worse part of myself –there was nothing left.

What could she be afraid of?

"Well?"

Looking down at my hand, again, she refused to answer. The seconds ticked by aggravating me more. "How easily frustrated I am," I sighed.

_Answer already! How could she not tell me? Is it that appalling?_

"I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more that I should." She looked down at my hands as she spoke.

Okay, there was something much worse, not believing that were possible, there it was. More importantly what do I do about this? Should I be so elated she feels this way?

If I were human I would be… but I'm not human.

There remains the inevitable question, how would cold and hot exist together? Having her wish to be with me, and for me to continue to allow this, was immoral.

Walking away, at this moment, not allowing this to go any further, was the honorable path to take.

Having a selfish side, one that was stronger than me, one that was unwilling to leave. Aching to remain, he wanted to be with her. Having no way of forcing myself to leave… I was not that strong… yet.

Already having more advantages than she did, which told what my behavior would –not could –but would bring. My selfish side had no morals, arrogantly reminding me we could handle anything –protecting her from all that could occur.

"Yes," agreeing slowly. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in you best interest."

She frowned.

Uncertain of what she expected my response would be to this statement, it was true, so shouldn't be with me. This was the truth, and I would always relay to her the truth.

Warning her… I would keep warning her… until she heard my warnings.

"I should have left long ago," I sighed. "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled.

Bad enough, going against my own instincts, against what was morally right and wrong, but persuading Bella to do the same, was utterly evil.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry; I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

Craving her company too much, making a disappearance impossible, for now. Acquiring all the information I had about her, there remained a million unanswered

questions. So much mystery, I had a desire to solve.

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" Withdrawing my hand, gently this time.

How would I get her to take me seriously? Force her to comprehend. Adding a harsher tone to my voice. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." Pausing, I looked into the forest.

Remaining silent for a moment, was she realizing, finally, what I was attempting to say? Cautioning her… giving her the choice… making certain that I didn't –to use her word –dazzle her into staying with me. This had to be her decision… her choice.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean –by the last part anyway," she said.

"How do I explain?" I mused. "And without frightening you again… hmm." Placing my hand back in hers, she held it tightly.

Ah, the feeling when she held my hand tight. "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I sighed, as the warmth spread threw me.

Astonishing the warmth of her hand in my cold one. Everywhere she touched me tingled, leaving it stinging without pain.

She was unleashing desire… desires I never knew existed, these desires were strong, intense, and almost uncontrollable.

_Almost._

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I began. "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded.

"Sorry about the food analogy –I couldn't think of another way to explain."

She smiled. I smiled back.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked as alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac –and filled the room with its warm aroma –how do you think he would fared then?"

We sat silently, looking into each other's eyes –attempting to read each other's thoughts. Being the truth, craving her more than anything in the world. The pain it caused was excruciating. The monster was always there… buried… but there.

My throat was on fire –the thirst burned, considering it for a moment. The thirst was no longer my priority, learning to manage it, maintaining control. Danger still existed –there remained that possibility –no matter how determined I was.

Breaking the silence, this wasn't working.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" she teased.

A drug to me, she was, making it impossible for me to resist. Her scent was intoxicating, the way her cheeks blushed scarlet red, bringing me to the point of insanity. Being here had changed that, being here made all of that tolerable.

I smiled. "Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" she asked.

Looking away uncertain how to answer this noteworthy question. Would she understand? Not being addicted to any substance's that was highly unlikely.

"I spoke to my brothers about it," still looking into the distance. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor," glancing at her apologetically.

"Sorry," I said.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can," she said softly.

Taking a deep breath I looked up at the sky.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as" –I hesitated, searching for the right word- "_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you."

Knowing that such a scent existed would have sent me in search for it. Spending the last seventy-years attempting to find her. This was a certainty. If I had known, had the slightest inclination, that she existed, the monster in me would've never wavered. Seizing the opportunity to obtain such a person… such sweet, luscious blood.

"Never."

There was silence for a moment.

"What did Emmett do?" She asked.

That was the wrong question or perhaps the right one, she had a way of doing that.

How could I divulge that he killed them instantaneously without hesitation? Clenching my hand into a fist, in her hand. How could I expose her to the subject of killing humans?

Looking away I remained unwilling to respond to that question.

Filling her, with the violence and brutality that comes with who we are, was not what I intended. How we existed, instinctually, was not an appropriate conversation to have in mixed company. The power behind our instincts was something she needed to comprehend, if she was to remain with me.

"I guess I know," she said.

Looking back at her I pleaded.

How would I clarify this?

There existed no words to explain, understanding seemed impossible. Not wanting her to understand, not wanting her to know of my dark side. Realizing that none of us were infallible, that there was always room for mistakes, she needed to have full recognition of that. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" She said sharply, attempting to sound lighter. "I mean, is there no hope, then?" She said with a calmer tone.

Having her imagining me that way, for her to believe I would… this couldn't be how she thought of me. Attempting to leave her with a better image.

"No, no!" stunned she'd asked that. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" How do I articulate this! How might she envision that? "It's different for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."

Watching her carefully as she pondered my revelations.

What she must think of us?

Being uncertain, at this moment, believing that I was here for the right reasons. Nevertheless, there remained a small chance I wasn't… and I would never forget that.

"So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" she asked.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and…" stopping abruptly I looked away. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there."

"If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

My eyes focused on the trees, glancing over to get a glimpse of her expression. Knowing she was remembering that day, not the way I had, until now.

What she must think of me now?

"You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"

Hate her, I loathed her, she stood to destroy my existence. She existed to desecrate me, bringing with her all the power that would do the job. How could I not hate her, she existed to wreck my life.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

Looking up to read her eyes, she appeared rather staggered.

Revealing to her the power I possessed, making her grasp the full extend of it, I glared at her through my scorched, deadly eyes. "You would have come," I promised.

She attempted to keep her voice level. "Without a doubt."

Looking down at our hands I released the glare. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there –in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there –so easily dealt with."

She was getting uncomfortable again. Envisioning the day in the office, imaging everything that happened. I'm wagering she sees everything a little different now.

I noticed her shivering.

Wanting to change the mood I had to reassure her.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself _not_ to wait for you, _not_ to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home –I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong –and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

She stared in surprise, certain she never entertained the idea, she was the reason I left… to rid myself of her. A stranger to her, at the time, she couldn't conceive the fact that she drove me from my home… from my existence.

What was she thinking?

Being plagued with information of how she threaten me –a person she had no knowledge of –this had to be overwhelming for her.

How would she perceive this?

"I traded cars with him –he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary…"

Feelings of the time spent running away, drifted back in, remembering how it felt to me, at the time. The overwhelming need to escape her… now appears distant.

Was it really such a short time ago… it feels longer?

"By the next morning I was in Alaska." I was ashamed, behaving so cowardly. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl," grinning suddenly. "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" my gaze wandering off to the distance.

She was silent.

How this must sound to her, to discover my universe revolved around her. With all of my efforts to maintain her safety, along with the struggles I'd suffered in returning.

What could she possibly be thinking?

At this moment… I was glad her thoughts remained unknown… uncertain with my abilities to cope with such information.

"I took precautions, hunting and feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it."

Being away made it easier to be strong, to think of her as a small, fragile, human girl. Clearing my mind of her, managing to convince myself, she was no threat –I was stronger than her.

Returning with vengeance… returning to prove something… I returned foolishly.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." I frowned.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment –because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her,'"

Closing my eyes as the memory surfaced, the torn feelings. That was the moment I wanted her to trust me, desired it so badly, and she had. She mentioned the rescue to no one, not even her father, not even after I offered no information regarding the incident. She offered me trust unconditionally, and I fought with myself, trying not to kill her.

"In the hospital?" her voice was faint.

Flashing my eyes to hers. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power –you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." Flinching, as the word slipped out. "But it had the opposite effect," I continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." I grinned. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay," shaking my head.

"All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

Looking at her again, her frail human form. There was no shock from her, having no reaction at all, to what was being revealed. Wanting desperately to know her reaction, wishing her mind was not closed to me.

"And for all that," I continued, "I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here –with no witnesses and nothing to stop me –I were to hurt you."

"Why?" She asked.

Did she not get it? Was there anyway I could be more transparent?

Certainly I'd made this point pretty clear by now.

"Isabella." Pronouncing her name clearly, then playfully ruffling her hair with my free hand. Electricity coursed my veins feeling her heart thumping. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me," looking away ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable," looking at her eyes agonized. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

She appeared dizzy, a little taken back. She looked down to study our hands between us –my eyes remained focused on her. Finally, having some type of reaction, although, I couldn't presume what that was, at this moment.

Exposing myself to her, my only wish was that I hadn't terrified her, and she could accept me… for what I was.

"You already know how I feel, of course," she finally spoke. "I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." she frowned. "I'm an idiot."

"You _are_ an idiot," I agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met and she laughed too.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I murmured.

"What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

Looking out to the shadowy forest, relief washed over me as the truth spilled out. Both torn by what I should do and what I wanted to do, at least she could make an informed decision now. She had all the information and the choice was now hers.

"Why…?" she began, and then paused.

Interrupting my thoughts, I smiled at her.

"Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

My smile faded. "You know why."

"No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example" –stroking the back of my hand- "seems to be all right."

That was more than all right, simply put that was exhilarating. Her hand touching mine was the most breathtaking feeling in the world. I wanted to remain here –in this moment –forever.

I smiled again. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…" contemplating that for a moment. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alien ness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your_ throat_." Pausing to see if she was upset.

"Okay, then," she said flippantly, tucking her chin. "No throat exposure."

I laughed. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

Raising my free hand I placed it gently on the side of her neck. She remained very still, her skin was very soft and warm, her blood raced through her veins.

The electricity coursed through my veins and my hand was tinkling.

"You see," I said. "Perfectly fine."

Her heart was so strong and fast it was beating her chest. The heat coming off her body was burning my touch and blood rushed to her face.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I murmured. Gently freeing my other hand. Softly I brushed her cheek, then held her face between my cold hands.

"Be very still," I whispered.

Slowly, I leaned toward her, taking in the full assault of her scent. My throat burst with fire, the venom in my mouth began to flow. My breath was uneven and louder as I placed my cheek against her throat.

Slowly, I slide my hands down the sides of her neck, she shivered as I took a deep breath, my hands coming to rest on her shoulders. Turning my head to the side and skimming her collarbone my head came to rest on her chest. Pressing the side of my face against her chest, I listened to her heart beating.

Fighting back all of my instincts, pushing through the burning in my throat, which began to weaken. The monster was still buried deep, unable to be released.

"Ah," I sighed.

We sat together for a long time, uncertain of how long.

Taking in her scent with deeper breaths and listening to hear heart flutter. I could have sat like this forever. Never wanting to let her go, but too soon, I released her.

"It won't be so hard again," I said satisfied.

"Was that very hard for you?"

It had become less difficult, with her scent in my head all day, it was easier to resist. I was uncertain how it would be after being away from her. Having no knowledge of this, I'm convinced it would never be like the first day.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad… for me."

I smiled. "You know what I mean."

She smiled.

"Here." Taking her hand I placed it against my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

She told me not to move, and I remained as still as a statue, closing my eyes. Moving even slower than I had, she caressed my cheek and it began tingling, stroking my eyelids sending a jolt of electricity through me. Shaping my nose, then so carefully she brushed along my lips, which made them part and I breathed harder.

Abruptly she dropped her hand, I opened my eyes and she leaned away.

There was a new hunger, not the one I'd become familiar with, one that made me want all of her completely, entirely in every way. This new hunger was more powerful than my thirst, although not as violent.

Rushing through me fiercely… forcefully… definitely powerful.

"I wish," whispering, "I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand."

Raising my hand to her hair, brushing it across her face. Holding back no longer, I needed to touch her, the impulse was far too enormous.

But, would this be enough… no, this would never be enough. Longing for… more chances… more moments, the control to have her tight in my arms. Having her that way and not harming her.

"Tell me." she said.

She always wanted me to share my inner thoughts, but I was unaware of how to do that. My thoughts were so twisted, so jumbled around my head it wasn't easy making any sense of them.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger –the thirst –that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," smiling at her, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."

"But…" My fingers touched her lips lightly, making her shiver. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand _that_ better than you think."

She understood the other hungers, of course she had, she was human. She probably recognized them better than I, possibly being more experienced, then myself.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she paused. "No, never. Never before this."

Holding her hands in mine, they were so warm and fragile.

Was this ever going to be enough for her? Unable to see how, this was already not enough for me. Imagining the different ways to have her closer –touching her –none of that was possible.

"I don't know how to be close to you," I admitted. "I don't know if I can."

She leaned forward, placing her cheek against my chest.

"This is enough," she said, closing her eyes.

Attempting to be human, placing my arms around her, I pressed my face to her hair. Taking a deep breath, allowing her scent to assault me, once more.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she noted.

"I have human instincts –they may be buried deep, but they're there."

Remaining this way for an eternity was my desire.

Would I really have to return her? She appeared as comfortable, and unwilling to move, as I was. Would they really notice if we disappeared, forever?

As the light was starting to fade, reality set in, and it was time to take her back. Was it just this morning, my mind was undecided, allowing that monster to formulate plans? Now, with the day fading, I was more confident… not wanting to kill her… but unwilling to return her.

"You have to go."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer." I smiled.

As the sun was setting and darkness was on the horizon, hiking back to the truck hadn't appeared to be the best suggestion. Would she be all right with my way of traveling? Showing her how I traveled, we would arrive quicker. Would this be too much for her? Why not, what's the worst that could happen? Seizing her shoulders I looked at her face.

"Can I show you something?" I asked, excited.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how _I _travel in the forest." A nervous expression crossed her face. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to truck much faster." A smile spread across my face.

"Will you turn into a bat?" she asked.

I laughed very loud. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

She hesitated.

Smiling I reached for her. Her heart pounded as I slung her onto my back. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she warned.

"Hah!" I rolled my eyes. She didn't understand but she would.

Grabbing her hand, pressing her palm to my face, I took a deep breath. Feeling the exhilaration and joy in this moment, realizing the closeness I was able to have with her without killing her, overwhelmed me.

"Easier all the time," I murmured.

I took off running, streaking through the dark forest like a ghost. Did she enjoy this? Uncertain of her reaction, not seeing her face I couldn't be sure. Was this too fast for her?

Then, all too soon, it was over.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" saying excitedly.

Standing anxiously waiting for her to climb down. She remained motionless. What was she waiting for? Surely, she knew we had stopped.

"Bella?" I asked, anxious.

"I think I need to lie down," she gasped.

"Oh, sorry." I waited.

"I think I need help," she admitted.

Perhaps, this wasn't the best idea. Laughing, I gently unloosened the strangle hold she had around my neck. Pulling her forward to face me, cradling her like a child for a moment, I place her lightly on the ground.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

She hesitated. "Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees."

She obeyed. What was I thinking? Knowing better than this, Bella was delicate and fragile. Next time, I would run slower … next time!

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I mused.

"No, it was very interesting," she sounded weak.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost –no, you're as white as me!"

As white as me she was, prompting me to be more careful, it was too easy to be myself around her. Perhaps, Alice was right, if she were a little more durable, then maybe… no, that's not the way.

Next time I wouldn't run as fast.

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

Would there be a next time? Pushing my luck, I was being presumptuous in assuming there would be another time. Getting the impression she would want to see me again, I suddenly remembered –she never did what I expected.

"Next time!" she groaned.

Laughing, I suppose there would be a next time.

"Show-off," she muttered.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I said quietly.

Face to face with her, her beauty was stunning, and I, overwhelmed. Her warmth was pleasurable… I longed to put my arms around her waist, holding her against the length of my body. Desperately fighting the urge to press my lips to hers.

Was that allowable, could I possibly be that close without harming her?

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I paused.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella," I chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she muttered again.

I smiled.

"No," I continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." Taking her face in my hands again.

Hesitating, I tested myself, to be confident of the situation. Being absolutely positive she was safe, hesitating making certain I had full control of the monster, risking his release was intolerable, especially when it came to Bella.

Moving closer to her, I very slowly moved my lips to hers pressing gently...

What I didn't expect… what I never even considered… was the fact that she had no control. Her blood boiled, she became very hot, and her lips were on fire. Her fingers knotted my hair as she clung to my neck. Parting her lips, her breathing became very rapid.

Quickly becoming very still, I gently pushed her face back from mine.

"Oops," she breathed.

"That's an understatement."

Disorientated I was, with her scent swirling my head, there was danger. Too quick, uncontrolled, shocking would be the word I'd use to describe it. Her lack of control never even crossed my mind. Wanting me as bad as I wanted her, although her expressions gave no indication of that.

How was I to know?

Clenching my jaw, my face still inches from hers.

"Should I…?" she tried to disengage herself from me.

Refusing to let her move her over heated body I was desensitizing.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I was controlled.

Waiting for the excitement to leave, to fade away, as I felt the anguish leaving me. With no sign of the monster, my thirst bearable, gaining control was easier then I anticipated.

Surprised by Bella's reaction, her urgency appeared stronger than mine, and her lack of control questionable. Her reaction brought me way too much pleasure, a monster I still was, taking pleasure in her weaknesses.

Smiling with a grin.

"There," I said.

"Tolerable?" she asked.

Laughing out loud. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You _are_ only human, after all."

There lay the truth, she was human, how dare I place this upon her. None of this was her fault –having several other factors at work here –this remained my fault. Things that were beyond her control that I've exposed her to, bringing the fault back where it belonged, to me.

"Thanks so much," she said.

Rising to my feet, moving invisibly to her. Holding out my hand, she appeared confused, yet, still took my hand as I helped her off the ground. Tightening my grasp on her, she appeared off balance.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?"

How particularly exhilarating it would be if it were the latter of the two.

How human I was sounding.

Remaining, no sign of the monster, no venom flowing in my mouth, my muscles were tense, but I was convinced there was another reason for that.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she responded. "I think it's some of both, thought."

"Maybe you should let me drive,"

"Are you insane?" she protested.

Was she insane? Insane if she thought I would allow her to drive. Her driving skills left something to be desired when she was in her right frame of mind. After what just happened, there was no way on earth, I would get in a car with her.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I teased. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

"Nope. Not a chance."

I raised my eyebrow in disbelief.

She attempted to step around me, heading for the driver's side, restraining her I would've, but she stumbled forward, releasing any need for restraints. Reaching around her waist making it hopeless for her to get free –stubborn was the word I'd use.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I quoted with a chuckle.

"Drunk?" she objected.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." Smiling with a playful smirk again.

Amused by the power I possessed over her. Changing her behavior so radically by simply kissing her was something quite unexpected.

Being very new to me, I forgot to factor in what could happen to her. Concern only rested with my control… never even considered what might come her way.

"I can't argue that," she sighed. She couldn't resist me. She held up the key high dropping it, flashing my hand across I caught it. "Take it easy –my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I approved.

"And are you not affected at all?" She asked. "By my presence?"

I thought briefly of the significance of the day and how she has changed me so effortlessly. I could feel the transformation of the monster inside.

Bending my face to her again, brushing my lips slowly along her jaw, from her ear to her chin, back and forth. She trembled, and her heart picked up a beat. My breath caught and my body hummed from the electricity ringing through it. Tingling from head to toe I felt my temperature rise a degree or two.

What happened today altered my existence forever –nothing would ever be the same again.

"Regardless,' I finally murmured, "I have better reflexes."


End file.
